My sister is upset with me for snapping at her son

[FionaHoney]

My 6 year old daughter, and 9 months, is being bullied by her cousin. She has a doll which I bought her, the chad baby ava doll from argos, and she loves it very much and plays with it all the time at home.

Recently my sister's child, a boy, 10 years old, has been playing a very mean joke on her. the joke involves him finding the toy and pupeting it whilst doing a voice called "baby dave" which distresses by daughter very much.

I tried to stop my nephew and "baby dave" politely by suggesting he give her the toy back. but he continued across Multiple visits with this cruel joke. Eventually my daughter and I had enough of "baby dave" and i snapped at him. My sister overheard and has berated me on whatsapp for being to harsh with him and hasn't visited since.

Am I being unreasonable? What can I do to make sure my sister feels welcome, but that "baby dave" doesn't make a return??

What do you mean by 'snapped at him'?

I quite loudly and bluntly said "Put baby Ava down." to him. I nearly slipped up and said "Dave" which I think is encouraging Callum's poor behaviour even more...

Your sister is being ridiculous. Tell her you had asked Callum multiple times to stop and it was upsetting your daughter, you don't want to make an issue of it but it needed to stop.

If that's all you did then I think that's fine

I'd just text your sister saying I'm sorry but he was upsetting my child and wouldn't put baby down. So I just sternly told him to put baby down

Does your sister have selective hearing? Why is she not berating her little brat for bullying your daughter?

You will learn that when you live life by your rules others won’t necessarily like them. That doesn’t mean that you are wrong. Stick by saying your DD was upset by your DN behaviour, you asked him multiple times to stop and eventually you snapped. You are sorry if he was shocked but he was upsetting your DD and repeat. Don’t row back.

Tell your sister to sort her horrid child out and then maybe you wouldn’t have to tell him off.

She shouldn’t feel welcome unless she stops her son upsetting your daughter! She’s kicking off because you pulling him up on it exposes her shite parenting, don’t indulge her like she does him. Put your child first.

Your sister needs to learn how to parent her bully of a child.

If that is the whole story then I can't see the problem. Child A was upsetting Child B. Child A had been asked, nicely, numerous times to cease, but had ignored you. A much firmer line was needed

I would be saying exactly this to my sister. "As you know I had asked Callum numerous times to stop upsetting Dorcas, she doesn't like the game he plays with her doll. But he kept doing it, and for whatever reason you weren't asking him to stop. I had no alternative but to ask him very firmly to put the doll down. As he was consistently upsetting Dorcas, and you weren't intervening, what do you think I should have done?"

I wonder how some kids will cope in the long run if they have never had a raised voice before.

I'd ask your sister why she thinks it's ok for her son to tease and upset your daughter and not to stop when asked nicely? Was she there at the time? Why didn't she discipline her own child? I wouldn't be worried about having upset her, she should be apologising to you for her child's behaviour!

You've been far more lenient about this than I would have been. He would have had a gentle talking to once, and I would not have gone lightly the second time, especially with a child as old as 10. No child will be bullied in my home or my presence, and I don't care if the child is mine or not.

This there was a long running thread with a poster ready to 'go nuclear' and demand a teacher be sacked for 'screaming' and verbally abusing her dd, eventually turned out that she'd literally been asked not to do something in a slightly stern voice....

Do you want his name on here?

To much gentle parenting turns kids in to entitled teens then drama queens and lazy adult men and women that think the world owes them and they can never be wrong and wont move out at 30.
And parents wonder what went wrong well news flash your parenting.

I don’t think you were wrong to tell him, but being a hundred percent honest I’d be annoyed if my sister had snapped at my Dc. It was mean but it is actually also quite funny and it can be hard for an older boy to find a way to play with a cousin who doesn’t share their interests. Your sister probably sees it more that way (ie; thinks your dd is being precious and a tell-tale.) My mums sister ( my aunt) snapped at me once for telling on my older male cousin and getting him in trouble with our grandparents ( he’d been a bit of a tease ; I’d been a bit whingy. Similar incident). I have never forgotten it - she pulled me aside and reprimanded me . I told my mum years later and she was cross too so I think there can be emotions with these interactions. Just put Baby Dave away when Callum comes . If he finds something else, ask your sister to deal with it.

At least you and your daughter won’t have to put up with him for now. Maybe you can prolong the tiff if it helps your daughter.

You did nothing wrong. I would explain again why you had to speak sternly but I wouldn't apologise, your sister should have a firmer grasp on her son's behaviour. Before they come round again I would talk with your child about Callum's behaviour and suggest that to keep baby Ava safe you put her away in your bedroom until he has gone home. I always gave mine the option to put away any toys that they didn't want to share before other children came over.

Sorry Baby Ava! He’s actually onto something with Baby Dave: it’s got a ring to it!

I would not have today him off. I would have told your sister first… and told her that your daughter is upset…. To ask her son to stop it.

Just put Baby Dave away when Callum comes

The op should put away her daughter's toy, in her home, as a way to manage a ten year old? We're not talking about a toddler who might accidentally break something, but a 10 year old who should absolutely know better and know to mind his aunt when she tells him to stop doing something. That's just ridiculous.

I think you're fine to tell him to put the toy down.

But you sound like your massively over reacting to some pretty low level behaviour.

I think this just sounds like sibling brothers with their little sisters tbh, we had stuff like this all the time. I think you are more than reasonable to chastise your nephew and your sister would do the same if Callum had a younger sister.

put the doll away when the cousin comes round and play something they can both play. Why would he want to play girlie doll games? He is a silly immature 10 year old so of course he is going to wind her up if he can’t join in. My Mum’s brothers would line her dolls up on a wall and shoot them with their toy guns. And they lived in the house so unavoidable. Get a board game/lego/whatever out instead.