Thanks to Mumsnet users for helping me see sense!

[verityrosa]

Sorry I don’t know where else to post this to hopefully reach the people that seen the post about me! I joined as someone messaged me on tik tok and told me there was a thread on here about me! I had a public tik tok account with some very dark humour on there and photos and videos of my kids. Well I have actually deactivated that account so thanks the people that were harsh to me and said what I probably needed to hear. Thanks to you my kids are no longer being shared on social media, no sharing my life with the world and no viral videos that a lot of people found offensive especially as my kids were in the videos.
i promise I’m not a bad person. Just a mum with a disabled child and find life hard and use dark humour as a coping mechanism but I have never started that account with the aim of going viral and making money etc. it’s just not worth it though I have to think about my kids and their privacy etc so thank you.

if deleting the content felt right for you, go for it but don't be forced to do anything you don't want to by some faceless troll on a forum that is 99% fake. I don't have tiktok but I thought what was repeated on here was funny. my kid is autistic and life is hard. humour is a coping mechanism.

Preachhhhhhhhhhh

Agree with you, tho I think it changes things when these things are posted to social media, particularly when vulnerable/unable to consent/kids are involved. I didn’t see the posts so I don’t even know if that was the case, but it sounds like OP has done right thing by her kids tbf. Otherwise, yeah, I would agree that she can post whatever she wants. I probably found her “joke” funnier than I should’ve 🫣

I like the anonymity that is possible on MN with user names and name changes possible. I don't like to share personal things, nor do my family, we dont do it on any SM sites. But as OP mentions their are some people on MN who post really useful information and are well informed on particular topics, pensions and legal stuff, which is useful. I've never felt the need to overshare in RL either and only do that with very close friends. Everyone is different. I just don't see the point of it.

JFC, give over.

Re: trans issues.

It's a red herring.

MN is not a transphobic site. Trans activists just like to use that term to try and stop us talking about women's rights when they come into conflict with that of men.

An example may be should a woman be able to refuse an intimate exam from a male person who identifies as female? Or should men who identify as female compete in female sports?

There were some very dark days when MN was one of very few SM sites that allowed any discussion at all on this topic.

Credit to MMHQ that they stood firm (despite many threats and loss of ad income).

It's an oft used quote but like many others I joined MN to talk about parenting. I've stayed predominantly because of the feminism boards.

I’m definitely a massive over sharer. My other half doesn’t even have any social media. He doesn’t see the point either!! My Facebook account is private and I only have people I know on there so if I just stick to that it’s still a good change from having a public Tik tok. I don’t share any dark humour type stuff on my Facebook. I would never have posted that sort of thing for my parents and elderly relatives to see!

Question to you all tho - do you share stuff on a private Facebook page or insta? Or never post at all?

Never post at all. I'm not even on Facebook or insta.

Ok yeah I see what was meant by that comment now. I swear I’m not transphobic and someone will come along and say I am when I say this, but one time in a coach station a very obvious man came in the women’s toilets. He was dressed in women’s clothing. It made me feel uncomfortable but I wouldn’t have said that out loud and didn’t want to offend him. I also know I’m meant to say her not him, but I find all this stuff hard to get my head round.

Then you’ll feel at home here. It’s absolutely fine to be uncomfortable with that. But someone will be along shortly to scold us, don’t worry.

Women evolved to recognise the threat that an unknown male poses when they’re somewhere they aren’t supposed to be.

I won’t be told how to feel.

I'm glad you've done what you have OP, but please don't joke about shaken babies. If you've ever seen the horrible outcome of this, you wouldn't find it funny. It really isn't and I am known for having an extremely dark SOH, when it comes to my own life. Not so much tiny babies who will never see and need constant care because of what was done to them.

and with sport, I just don’t get it. Say it’s football, everyone wears the same kit, man or woman. Eveyone plays the same sport. But from like the age of 10 you need to play with your own sex. So if there is a trans woman, they still should play in the mens team. But it’s not taking away their right to be a trans woman, like everyone is wearing the same kit and no one cares what you wear normally or ahah you do in your spare time if that makes ANY sense what I’m trying to say 😂 on the pitch it doesn’t even matter what gender you are they just want you to play good football. But if you’re born a man you need to be on the mens team. Just to do the sport. We don’t need to have mixed gender teams

I remember the thread about you and whilst I've never seen your TikToks I did find the dark humour about your favourite kid funny, you went too far with the shake the baby bit but humour is subjective and we all find different things funny 🤷🏼‍♀️
One thing I'm getting from reading your posts is that you are very quick to listen to other people's opinions, do you have much confidence in yourself and your decisions? I've found MN helpful for a lot of different things and it's definitely opened my eyes to new ways about thinking about a situation but please don't change who you are as a person just because anonymous people in your phone tell you how you should behave/raise your children. Sure take on board different opinions but trust yourself to make the final decision, you know your kids, your DH, your life etc way better than anybody else.
You'll find some right twats on here that spend their days posting shite on people's threads just to shit stir and attack and cause trouble, ignore the goady fuckers cos most of us are sound and are here to lift each other up not tear each other down.
If you enjoy doing tiktok dances etc and that's your release then crack on, just check with your kids first if they want to be a part of it or not. You can still have a tiktok account that's for you and doesn't show your kids, talks about them

I’m honestly not trying to defend myself but just to explain the background behind that ‘joke’ for you or anyone that might just be tinning why did she even mention shaking babies. It was because I had a comment on the other video about the free car, money and no ride queues I get with my son, that was also a joke by the way. Someone commented and said ‘I want one of those! How can I get one?’ So I had that comment on my video and my answer below it was 1- make a baby with someone in Bristol. It worked for me. They’re all special there. And 2- shake a normal one. But that’s frowned upon.
my son is 16 and I’ve had people be nasty to me about him before saying I must of done drugs or dropped him for him to be that way. I have definitely not done those things and I find it hurtful that anyone could think I made him disabled. When I use dark humour I turn round the things that have hurt me and feel a bit like powerful in a way. Like I’m taking the piss out of those stupid people and the things they have said to me. It doesn’t mean it’s ok for me to share that with the world though and I don’t want to upset anyone!

It’s the common sense approach but strangely absent in the real world- at least the part that’s allowed to speak.

It’s a hot topic here because there were so few other places prepared to allow the conversation to happen- and it was dicey here, at times. It’s very heated because good women left this site over what we were and weren’t allowed to say. People fell out with the moderating team, and were banned, and it was a sad era. However, sensible and respectful guidance emerged and we have a way to discuss things. There are ‘monitors’ who sit and read and report us for misgendering, being insulting and so on. And a few who show admirable persistence in turning up to tell us we’re wrong.

We had to argue here for the right to refer to a convicted rapist as ‘he’, when the courts were insisting on using ‘she’. That was a win for us, and it’s actually been a win in the courts as well.

So that’s a hot button subject- just giving you the background so you know what to expect.

No I really don’t 😂 I’ve got something called borderline personality disorder and one of the things with it is not really knowing who I am. When I started using social media, I found peoples comments Iike ‘you’re so funny’ or you’re so strong or whatever, really helpful because I can see who I am by other people describing me. I’m the sort of adult that looks for a grown up to help me when I’m out. I feel the same as I did when I was 15.

Thank you that’s so interesting. I would feel like I’m transphobic if I say aloud some
things I think about it all. But for all the joking about I do, I am a rape victim and to this day I don’t like to be alone with a man I don’t know so the thought of one being allowed in the toilets or changing rooms when I’m in there because he is wearing a dress and calls himself Susan makes me really uncomfortable. But I would never ever say anything as I don’t want to be transphobic! Honestly outside of those toilets or space , I would be fine with this person. I have met a lot of trans people and I will call them by the name they ask me to and treat them the same as I treat everyone else. But if I say that part but then say ‘I don’t want trans women in the women’s toilets’ then I am being transphobic aren’t I. What’s the answer to it? My girls school has separate toilets floor to ceiling doors and separate sinks etc so no boys or girls but not mixed either

I suspected so, it's been suggested I'm also BPD by a counsellor I saw once but I've never been diagnosed, I can see it though and agree I probably have it hence why I recognised it in you and in my own clumsy way was trying to give advice to be yourself lol just please be careful as there are some very strong minded people who post opinions on here as facts, take the time to read all the answers on a thread and then make your own decisions, not just agreeing with the first answer you read if that makes sense?

When I started using social media, I found peoples comments Iike ‘you’re so funny’ or you’re so strong or whatever, really helpful because I can see who I am by other people describing me.

But they're only describing a small snapshot of how you present yourself on social media - not who you actually are.

It's important to remember that, especially if you get comments that are less than kind.

Social media is fun and it's useful, but it should never be taken seriously.

Really sensible posts from the two PPs (previous posters).

Have a read. There’s a section called ‘classics’ which is fun. It’s where the particularly amusing/bizarre/helpful posts go. And where some of the catchphrases you’ll come across come from.

Thank you for this. I had to look up DH a minute ago 😂 I was told I have one and wasn’t sure what it was 😂

I will now say thank you and I will make sure I don’t do that. But really I will definitely do exactly that and if I get a majority of comments telling me I am a bad person and don’t deserve my kids then that’s what I will be 😂😭 someone said something really horrible to me once so I tried to end my life and ended up sectioned: and yes I joke a lot about it and joke about how mentally unstable I am. I have used the same humour around police, doctors , therapists, our social worker , teachers and pretty much everyone. I am a liability.

"shag your kids and granny" Are you ok posting that?

Does your DH or your close friends say you are a shit mum? They are the ones I would listen to, not a bunch of strangers who don't know me. You WILL fuck up as a parent, you WILL get stuff wrong, that I can guarantee, doesn't mean that you are a fuck up. Listen to others opinions but fact check with those who actually know you in real life

My two are 15 and 12.. 15 year old has Instagram I don't allow her to have FB or Snapchat. My friends daughter was regularly buying drugs from someone on Snapchat so that was enough for me to not allow it. My 12 year has no social media but does play online with friends