To force my kids to do extracurricular activities?

[okilay]

I have 2 boys, 9 and 11. The 11 year old goes to football 3 times a week, totalling around 5 hours. The 9 year old just goes to a half hour weekly swimming lesson that's an argument every week. He tried football and enjoyed it when he was there but then refused to go. He's definitely not into football as much as his older brother. Learning to swim has been non-negotiable for either of them.

DS9 showed an interest in gymnastics, dance, drama, etc but when it came down to it just didn't want to go to classes.

The only thing they're interested in is screen time and gaming. I guess it's easier for them to do that than the effort of doing anything else.

I didn't really stick at anything when I was younger and don't do anything as an adult apart from work, I have ADHD and I suspect my kids do so I know how hard it is but I also know how much harder it will be if they don't try things now to see what ignites some interest and excitement in them that they might stick with.

I'm keen for them to try out Scouts due to the life skills and opportunities but I know they (especially the eldest) would not be happy about it. I think my youngest would grow to love it. My husband isn't really onboard because it's not seen as "cool" and thinks the kids would be picked on but he agrees it would let them experience lots of different things.

I suppose I'm asking for advice on "forcing" them to do different activities, should I get them to try a variety of things for x length of time? How have you got your children into different hobbies or dealt with their refusal?

I hated being forced to play an instrument and do a sports club when I was a child. It would ruin my day as I would be worrying about it all day, my parents finally let me drop them and I have never done them since. I do wish they had let me try out a few more things though, I am an introvert and need downtime but think I would have loved something like dance or athletics where I wasn't so much part of a team.

I have let me children try lots of things and they now just do a couple each which they enjoy. They would happily drop everything as they are also homebodies like I was but I feel like they have chosen these ones. I am very anti screens to be honest so they are only in them a little at the weekend.

I would force him to give cubs or whatever a couple of months and then let him choose. Or maybe say you have to do one club but you can choose what it is.

I wouldn't push them to do things they don't want to do. I also think at 9 and 11 you've left it a bit late to join cubs and scouts, especially the 11 year old.

They sound like lovely kids so just leave them be. You don't do any evening activities, so why should they? Lead by example if you want them to do something.

My DD is an introvert and loves nothing more than to be in her room crafting, drawing, reading and gaming. She's happy. I'd much rather have her happy doing her own thing for than being forced into clubs she has no interest in.

If there's space in your local troop, join scouts. It's full of quirky kids and kids who just get on with it. My son didn't do Beavers or Cubs, just joined Scouts at 10.5. He loves it. He's done every parade, every camp, coast to coast walk and is just about to go kayaking for his leaders to be assessed as instructors. My son wouldn't it if it was seen as "uncool".

This for me now as an adult! I have no hobbies and wish I had some interests as well as knew some friends outside of school. I think you do need to find something they enjoy though

Forcing them ? What ? Encourage yes. Any activity can be done and not , in their eyes , compromise their screen time.
Scouting is the most levelling activity and organisation there is and does not pick out anyone. If you have access to an active scout group why are they not there already, a huge missed opportunity.

I don't agree with forcing kids to do clubs etc - I wouldn't want to be forced into doing things so why should they?

If they show an interest, I would absolutely facilitate them going (mine do dancing and football between them and we have done Cubs and now one does Brownies) - they enjoy what they do so they want to go. If they stop enjoying it, then why shouldn't they stop?

I heard a really good thing on a podcast where someone was worried they would let "the next Mozart or the next David Beckham" be missed by letting the activities go and the host said that if that child was going to be those things then they would WANT to do those things all by themselves. DB played football every minute he could, by choice, that's why he was a good footballer, not because his mum forced him to go once a week to Saturday training.

I also hate the idea that their interests reduce to screens and being online but they are also their own person and should be able to decide what they do and don't like doing.

But why can't you work out for yourself now what you enjoy? Why do you feel you could only have done this via your mum's input 20/30 years ago?

I used to do gymnastics, drama, trampolining as a child - I do not want to do any of those things as an adult!! What I did at 10 is irrelevant to my current interests

Why do you do stuff like taking them for a swim for fun or to do mountain biking or something.you can do fun active things without it being structured.

Don’t allow screen time or gaming during the time he would be attending activities. He might change his mind

the next David Beckham" be missed by letting the activities go and the host said that if that child was going to be those things then they would WANT to do those things all by themselves. DB played football every minute he could, by choice, that's why he was a good footballer, not because his mum forced him to go once a week to Saturday training.

As someone with an insight to the world of professional football, this is absolutely not true. There are many pro’s who hate football. Don’t watch it. Are addicted to games consoles and have only made it pro because of their parents’ drive and support.

Someone will remember being forced to do stuff as an 8 year old however intelligent they are.

Do they actually enjoy the activities when they are there? My kids choose the activities they want to go to themselves, except swimming which they have to do. I judge my kids enjoyment of their chosen activities by how they are when I pick them up, if they seem happy and have a lot of good things to say about the class then I know they have enjoyed it. If they tell me they don’t want to go the next time then I will remind them that they have made a commitment to go to the activity this term and that they enjoy when they are there and make them go. If they seemed unhappy after classes and were negative about their experience there it then I would let them change to something else and they can try new activities every term if they want.

I also don’t generally allow screen time after school as I know this would affect their motivation to go out and do anything else, but they only do a couple of activities a week so they still have evenings where they can chill out at home after school which I think is important too!

I have some sports/hobbies of my own and I know that I don’t always feel like going after work or early mornings but I make myself do it anyway and I’m always glad I did, like OP when I was a child I never stuck at anything and I think I missed out because of that, I never even learned to swim because I told my mum I didn’t want to when I was 7 and now I’m an adult that can barely swim which I why I don’t given my dc an option about swimming.

My eldest loves clubs and would do something every day if we let her. My 7 year old is not so interested. He'll join in one martial arts class a week but that's it. He does love activity though- he just wants to do it with one of us. He loves crazy golf (we're going to start pitch and put next year), he plays tennis with us and we spend hours playing football at the park. He knows he can join any clubs he wishes but I'm not going to force him.

OP, the practicalities of "forcing" your DC to go to clubs would be a nightmare.

IMO, just restrict screen time and have stuff to do on hand. After a month or two, ask if theres any clubs they fancy for next term.

You can't force them but you can bore them into variety by being a lot stricter about screens.

Screens are only after some form of exercise, for example. Put your own phone away around them not to normalise it. Lead by example, do things with them like booking a tennis court. Praise them when they show a tiny bit of talent and run with it. Be creative, they'll feel nervous about common sports some kids are already great at, consider Judo, rock climbing, paddle boarding etc. do these things at weekends with them.

I want to know how you got yourself banned now!

They need to be absolutely clear that coming straight home and onto screens isn't an option

If it's an option then obviously many kids will just come home and slump into gaming

Tell them they can only game in days they have done something else or after 6pm or whatever so they do other stuff

Children need to run about and be social and playful after school...either in the park or at friends or at clubs.

Wr are letting this generation just get addicted to gaming and it's actually unfair on them