To force my kids to do extracurricular activities?

[okilay]

I have 2 boys, 9 and 11. The 11 year old goes to football 3 times a week, totalling around 5 hours. The 9 year old just goes to a half hour weekly swimming lesson that's an argument every week. He tried football and enjoyed it when he was there but then refused to go. He's definitely not into football as much as his older brother. Learning to swim has been non-negotiable for either of them.

DS9 showed an interest in gymnastics, dance, drama, etc but when it came down to it just didn't want to go to classes.

The only thing they're interested in is screen time and gaming. I guess it's easier for them to do that than the effort of doing anything else.

I didn't really stick at anything when I was younger and don't do anything as an adult apart from work, I have ADHD and I suspect my kids do so I know how hard it is but I also know how much harder it will be if they don't try things now to see what ignites some interest and excitement in them that they might stick with.

I'm keen for them to try out Scouts due to the life skills and opportunities but I know they (especially the eldest) would not be happy about it. I think my youngest would grow to love it. My husband isn't really onboard because it's not seen as "cool" and thinks the kids would be picked on but he agrees it would let them experience lots of different things.

I suppose I'm asking for advice on "forcing" them to do different activities, should I get them to try a variety of things for x length of time? How have you got your children into different hobbies or dealt with their refusal?

I wasn't sporty but now wish I had been. I was an air cadet tried to get into the RAF as an officer but didn't pass - ended up in the army and then law enforcement.
Cadet forces are good but only if the kids are motivated to join and stay. If they are feeling pressured they're less likely to keep the activity up.

I am working hard on reducing screens, being a parent with ADHD is not easy, everything is trial and error until hopefully habits form and stick. It's also very easy to say lead by example <hollow laugh>.

They are really good kids, both excel in school, they devour books, they help well with chores (when I remember to get them involved!), they enjoy family time - games, movies, outings etc. On paper they sound great but I feel that should be standard. There is so much opportunity out there and I don't have the confidence to try all these weird and wonderful things because they weren't available to me when I was younger. I am being very simplistic here but I hope you understand the sentiment.

Kids need to be moving, socialising and learning.
Anything you can do now is an investment into their future wellbeing. It's so much harder once kids become teens. They really need to be active then to manage all their hormones and emotions but often won't if it's not already part of their lifestyle.
I say stick with it.

I think forcing a child to do an activity at any age is counter productive!and a waste of money
Swimming was the only activity mine had to do.
Two out of my three enjoyed certain sports..enjoy being the priority.

Lead by example and find a family event, Family climbing, Couch 2 5k and park runs as a family leading to bubble runs etc in the summer, family self defence, get involved with Cubs as an adult helper. Canoe/kayaking at a watersport centre, family ski/snowboard taster course at a dry ski slope.

If they continue into the teen years are you prepared to cart them around the county for matches and competitions?

It's the 'forced' bit I disagree with, I wouldn't have thanked my mum and it would have caused all sorts of problems and resentment. I chose what I wanted to do and because I enjoyed it I stayed with it for several years.

Conflicting experiences outlined in the post re ADHD kids and how to manage them. My youngest is easier as there are things I know he would enjoy when he's made to it and this has been proven time and time again, my eldest is the complete opposite, he's very sensitive and carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. I worry for him and his big feelings.

If your older child is fine with the football, he should continue with it without the need for any other activity. The younger child seems to be held back by anxiety - a big thing with my ADHD DD. I'd present him with a range of activities to try and ask him to pick one instead of the swimming, which I assume he can now do reasonably competently. Look at the scout troups near you as they can vary wildly and pick the one that does the interesting camps/trips.

I don't see any benefits in forcing other than parents ticking a box on what they think their children should do, they are humans not robots

Just don’t make Scouting the only option…my group has a two plus yesr waiting list if you join the waiting list older than about 5 and I know all the other local groups are similar.

You can’t force them to do something if they won’t enjoy it/ it’ll be endless arguments. You can take away their devices and be firm on it, maybe boredom will motivate them to take something up and then they might be more likely to stick to it as they’ve chosen it.

I think extra curricular activities are important and always encouraged them in my dc but as an adult one of them has told me I was wrong to make him stick at an activity he chose for another two terms after he’d said he no longer wanted to go. But no doubt I’d also have been wrong if I’d let him drop it at the first sign of difficulty and hadn’t encouraged him to do his best. There is no perfect answer.

Let them try scouts and Cubs see if you can find a group that is quite active. Honestly it is the only thing DS (13) doesn't complain about doing and the only thing that gets him off his games. He spent a week on camp this summer with scouts and had a blast, will happily go on any camping trip and actually wants to do young leaders.

But then his sister has done scouts to, is a young leader and is doing her DofE gold and I find it hard to stop her doing to much. I think I encouraged her to much, but girls seem to be easier to get into stuff then boys.

Also he's seen me volunteering as leader to so that helps. He sees the value and fun in taking part and helping out.

I think I agree with this.

And also with the other poster who said about leading by example as a family. My eldest would be much happier with this. I got us all (not DH) scooters and the 3 of us go out and do that, he likes cycling so I could start doing that again with him. I've mentioned trying out rock climbing at a new indoor centre and he showed interest in that.

To be fair, he would do more things with us together if I did more. The complaints I have about how little they do stems from the guilt I feel about me not doing enough. I want them to do better than me but I know exactly what it's like and how hard it is.

I want to give them the tools to be more resilient, I can't just expect them to know how to do that so I need to work out how I can support them in ways that work for all of us.

I will check out that instagram page that was poster earlier.

Id let your older DS continue with football and not make him do anything else unless he wants to. For your younger son, I would offer him some choice of what he could do but that he has to do at 1 club - not optional.

I think its important that children, especially boys, do an extra curricular activity and they generally really love it when they find the one that suits them the most (but it may take a few goes to get there).

My 8yo refused several extra curricular activities and classes but then he had a taster session at school for different sports during lunch time and requested rugby🏉 training - he said he really enjoyed the sport he learned about at school. Now he has joined a club and there's no stopping him. He loves swimming too. Wasn't sure to begin with but loves that too.

Mine weren't interested aged 5/6 in anything. It wasn't until they made an informed choice that it really was worth it. They have to be enthusiastic themselves or it won't work.

The youngest in the family is on a waiting list for swimming lessons. And music lessons with the instrument of his choice. He has to wait until next year for that. 7yo.

So if your older child carries the weight of the world on his shoulders why not look into quieter more contemplative activities, clubs at the library like Lego club or art classes, nature groups at the local wildlife trust

Your younger one, enrol into multi sport group holiday type clubs so he can give different things a try.

My mother made me take piano lessons for twelve years because “there are so many adults who say they wish their parents hadn’t let them quit piano.” I never play it now, except the melody lines for a few Christmas carols if we’re at a Christmas party and they’ve got a piano.

My mother also made me take ballet for two years, which I resented every minute of. I realized after the first couple classes that I wasn’t really interested.

Well, it depends how intelligent your children are and what their memory is like.
Force them into anything, they will remember. My experience from childhood only.

There's no benefit to forcing children to do activities they don't want to do, but if they are then spending all evening on screens that's terrible for them.

If you give them 30 minutes screen time and then they can choose what they want to do for the rest of the evening, they might find they get bored and want to do something.

I’d put serious limits on screen time and tell them to pick one extracurricular activity each.

This.

My DC has slowly dropped a few sports (used to do hockey, cricket, swimming and gymnastics) and now does just one. Has been trying to Negotiate away from country trials this summer. We have said sure, but you pick up another sport as you need one summer and one winter. It’s simply non negotiable in our house. Because we are totally united on this DC can see there is no leeway. Obesity is a disease and it’s not a path I want my DC struggling with (I struggle with my weight myself and my parents never pushed a sport at all).

also, get rid of the gaming. Just get rid of it. It will enrich your children’s lives to not have it. If you struggle with DC aged 9 only wanting to game, imagine a 15yr old. Do it now before it’s too late.

So they are doing well at school,are helpful at home,love to read ( which is a thing in itself) , enjoy family activities,your oldest does football 3 x a week and your youngest swims.
This doesn't sound to me like kids who spend all their time on screens?
Do they have friends - and as boys they may be relating to their friends via and in the games.Because if so while less screens might be a good idea they are managing to have a mix of activities and social interaction.
Also if your DS2 doesn't want to do football while he might like another sport he might also prefer a non sport based out of school activity,or a non team sport - cycling,archery,climbing...

The gaming for my eldest is very social as he games with friends, through that they arrange to meet up to play football locally most weeks or go round to each other's houses. He's made new friends through gaming introduced to him through school or football friends.

The youngest is gaming or YouTube but would drop it in an instant to do something with us or friends. We have a lego session planned for this evening.

If your older boy is doing football three times a week and is happy with that then I’d leave it at that for him unless he is asking to do anything else that’s quite a lot and I’m a big believer in not over scheduling children.
It might be that classes just aren’t for your younger one. He may have a variety things he wants to try but just not want to go to a group activity. He could spend time doing the things he likes with you, his brother or a friend- shooting hoops, skate parks, ice skating, swimming, Lego, arts and crafts, visiting the library, playing tennis or badminton at the local sports centre, gym, board games etc. Having varied interests doesn’t have to equate to clubs if it’s not his thing.
As others have said, if you limit their screen time they are going to have to find something else to do. A little boredom is no bad things for children.