What's the point of an ADHD diagnosis?

[HelpAGirlOut1234]

Just as the title says... what is actually the point if you have no intention of taking medication, or medicating your child.

Just to finalise my input on this thread, as some people seem to think I’m goading, whatever that really means.

I never once said people could effort their way out of ADHD, nor did I say it was curable. Do I feel more effort could be made by people I know personally to manage certain behaviours, so that the people around them don't suffer as a result? Yes I do.

I struggle massively in my day to day life, I have to work incredibly hard to maintain home life, relationships, work etc. But I push myself really hard to ensure that my natural behaviours (disorganisation, distractability, impulsivity, lack of social awareness, inability to actively listen, excessive talking, hyperactivity followed by complete introversion etc etc etc) don’t impact on my family.

I have strategies that help immensely, and I try to rigidly stick to these to help me and my family in my day to day.

Do I fall off the wagon? All the time. For example, I recognised recently that my house and clutter was getting out of hand, despite the routines I have in place and it was essentially cluttering my mind even more, making it difficult to stick to my strategies which in turn was effecting so many other aspects of my life as well as my mindset and was about to start affecting my family as well.

I booked time off as soon as I could to completely blitz the place and rid the house of clutter so that I could start on my routines again with a clean space and clear head.

It’s a constant cycle of falling off and getting back on the wagon when it comes to the strategies I have.

I suppose I’m lucky that I recognise all these shortcomings about myself, I have the ability and self awareness to do this.

When my psychiatrist recommended the assessment, I wasn’t sure what benefit it would be to me. It’s not like there are ADHD classes I can sign up to after a diagnosis. (If these did exist by the way, I wouldn’t absolutely take them)

I appreciate the responses and personal experiences being shared, what I don’t appreciate is the posters telling me I am goading, a disabilist etc. Not in anyway helpful to the discussion.

Anyway, I’ll leave it there, and thanks again.

Friday afternoon goadiness. It always ramps up at the start of a BH weekend. It's usually autism though.

I found all of that interesting. Thanks

Oh gosh, where to start.

OP, I spent decades "making efforts" to address my shortcomings. I spent £££ on aids and tools to help me, read every time management/personal effectiveness book and app, tried just about every strategy known to man to get on top of things. Some of them helped a bit, and to the outside world, it probably looked like I was coping. I excelled in education, work etc. Got to the top of my field.

Those closest to me knew that I was not coping. They saw the hours that I worked and the way that I neglected basic self care in order to keep up appearances and avoid letting others down. They saw the chaos behind the scenes and the constant stress, guilt and anxiety.

Actually, even they didn't know the full story of how I felt constantly inadequate and constantly overwhelmed by even the simplest of tasks. Constantly wondered why I couldn't get my shit together. I never told my loved ones that I often contemplated suicide - not because I was actually depressed (I wasn't) but because I just wanted the overwhelm to stop, and I couldn't see any other way of making that happen.

Believe me, it wasn't for want of trying that I didn't fix my "shortcomings". I tried and tried and tried. I didn't stop trying and it was utterly exhausting and deeply frustrating. And all the while, I found myself feeling more and more inadequate.

Diagnosis hasn't made the problems go away. There are no magic wands. Medication is amazing but I can't take it right now because of other health problems. I still struggle a lot, but honestly, it helps a surprising amount to know that I'm not actually crap or lazy or lacking in self discipline or whatever. There is a reason for my struggles and I know now that it simply isn't the case that trying harder will fix things for me.

I don't use it as an excuse. In fact, very few people actually know that I have adhd as I rarely choose to share the information. Most wouldn't realise because I am pretty good at masking. I had decades to practise, desperately hoping that nobody would be able to see behind the facade. It's still there, and those who know me best see how much it affects me.

Honestly, if you think that putting in some extra effort and implementing some clever strategies will sort out your "shortcomings", then just do that - you're absolutely right, you don't need a diagnosis. But if you have tried and tried and tried, only to find that you just can't seem to get over the inexplicable blocks in your mind that repeatedly get in the way of any of your brilliant strategies actually working for any consistent period, then seek a diagnosis. It will lift the burden of guilt that you may have carried around with you for decades because you will realise that, what you perceived for years as serious character flaws that you should be ashamed of, might just actually turn out to be the symptoms of a hidden disability that you didn't choose to have and can't just choose to get rid of.

Both the school and camhs want my son to have a adhd assessment we have said no. I completely agree especially when he already has a 1 to 1 at school etc

Honestly, I think you're doing your son a disservice. I understand that you think a diagnosis won't make any difference, and perhaps you think it will be damaging to "label" him. But a diagnosis might just help him to understand why he struggles with stuff that other people seemingly find so easy. And that understanding is worth quite a lot.

My sister was diagnosed as an adult. One of her reasonable adjustments is a cap on her caseload (she works in probation) as far is as practicable.

I would add...taking some of the guilt away actually makes it easier for me to implement strategies to deal with stuff. Far from giving me an excuse to be crap, removing the element of self blame helps to free up the headspace that I actually need to be able to tackle the issues. Guilt and shame are utterly paralysing.

The diagnosis will allow him other adjustments. Please do it. My parents refused to "label" my sister (not ADHD, but some learning difficulties), after her first few years of school she wasn't entitled to any of the support and she struggled. I'm academic and I tried to help her beat I could, but as a kid myself I didn't know the other ways of learning or teaching. She failed most of her exams. She now has a long term job, but she works in a shop and has been the same level for 10 years, no prospect to even become senior, never mind any higher.

If she'd learned how to manage things better at school, how to take in information and retain it, had extra time in exams etc she might have done better, education wise. And she might have had better self confidence, which would have helped her in the working world.

I don’t think you’re goady, I think you are disablist although appreciate it may not be intentional and it may be unconscious disablism. You say you don’t believe ADHD can be cured, but also talk about ‘strategies’ as if there is a strategy for everything everybody with ADHD finds hard and as if every difficulty can be overcome with effort and self-reflection. That’s not the case. Strategies might be used to help manage the impact of ADHD, they may work in some areas but probably won’t in others, they may not work long-term and there might not be a strategy that works for everything. If you genuinely do have ADHD and you genuinely have found a strategy that works for every difficulty and that you can maintain long-term than you have essentially won the ADHD lottery, it’s not impossible but it is very, very unlikely for most people. If I won the lottery by using a specific set of numbers that had meaning to me and told my friend who is having financial difficulties that she just needs to try harder to work out the correct numbers and put some strategies in place to work out which numbers of significance she needed to use people would say I was unreasonable, whilst I might think well it works for me why won’t it work for her. I’d be failing to recognise I was actually very lucky and that it doesn’t matter how hard some people try, they just aren’t going to manage to win the lottery.

Actually, reading your posts gives me the impression of you having incredibly low self-esteem, a bit of self hatred.

You seem to think it is entirely the individuals responsibility to make sure their "shortcomings " or symptoms of their disability do no effect the people around them negatively, why do you feel that way?
Why is it the onus on the person struggling that needs to adapt wholly when they may have a range of limitations to facilitate this than the people around them that frequently do have more abilities to accommodate?

I do laugh that you would post all of this and still think you have self awareness.

I have adhd, I have my own tools to deal with it and i also have the self awareness overall cop on not to think other people should be like me. Not everyone is the same thankfully.

I get you OP and have been pondering the same for a couple of years.

My DD has suspect ADHD. She has a lot of indicators. We discussed it with her school who said that if I have no intention of ever medicating her then there is little point going for formal diagnosis. They have made adjustments for her in the classroom already.

We then discussed formal diagnosis with my DD who was adamant she didn’t want to go down that route. She doesn’t want extra time in the exams and she wants to be able to control everything herself. In her words, she won’t have any adjustments made for her when she leaves school so she needs to just get on with it and figure it out herself.

Luckily she is very bright and conscientious but it is very much a watching brief in our household. We may change our minds about a formal diagnosis one day but for now see absolutely no benefit.

OP: I sound like someone who could have ADHD but I work really hard to not seem like it and because of that a diagnosis is pointless.

thanks for reinforcing the stereotype that people don’t need a diagnosis and can just work harder to function. (Like they haven’t been for years)

literally just reinforcing all of the things that create shame/guilt about ADHD and coping skills

Why do you assume others don’t? I really don’t see the connection between diagnosis and management. Just because someone has a diagnosis does not mean they then stop managing their challenges.
I am autistic, I don’t use to excuse anything, although sometimes I do have to make people alert to the fact to avoid misunderstandings. My life consists of very careful management of anything from sensory issues to communication strategies. At times it is lovely not to have to mask too, most the times I can’t afford not to (mostly work situations). I love spending time with my friends who get it and I don’t have to engage in small talk or wrap every point I am trying to make into “bullshit sandwich”. Courses for horses. But I can hardly be accused of not managing just because I have a diagnosis. It’s just that with some people I can be me and, with others, I can’t.

Sorry for the misquoted post, it wasn’t meant for you but the OP’s point above and I cannot remove it in editing mode.

For someone with ADHD the expectation seems to be that they should have a magical strategy in place that means they can do things just as effectively as a person without ADHD to the point it shouldn’t be at all obvious they have a disability. The expectation is that they should have come up with a strategy that means they can do things in the same amount of time, with the same amount of effort and with the same effectiveness as a person without ADHD. It isn’t recognised that even with strategies in place things can still be very hard and tiring, far more so than for someone without the disability, and it isn’t recognised that for some things there might not be any fully effective strategies. Nobody expects a person with a physical disability to be able to find a strategy so that they can do every single thing a person without that disability can do effectively and easily,

@MolkosTeenageAngst Thank you for articulating this. It's given me a bit of a light bulb moment ❤

Wow. I would consider that neglect.

So your point is that you're quite shit at some things but with a lot of effort can be less shit at times so why can't everyone else do the same? I don't think your main problem is ADHD, I think it's empathy.

It’s not true there is no point in a diagnosis if you don’t want medication or that she won’t have any adjustments made for her when she leaves school. If she attends higher education they would absolutely make adjustments. My workplace have made adjustments for me as well so adjustments exist outside of school. Her current school may have made adjustments but there’s no guarantee if she moves to another school/ college without a diagnosis she would, or even that if the school has a change in management or has to make funding cuts that this couldn’t change. I’d be especially worried the school say there’s no point if she doesn’t want medication, that suggests to me they don’t want to be tied into providing any of the accommodations they have made for her which they would be if she has a recognised disability. I am an SEN teacher and would always recommend pursuing diagnosis if a disability is suspected regardless of whether medication is wanted at that moment.

Also, bear in mind that getting a diagnosis is not a quick route. The NHS wait for an adult assessment in my area is around 7 years. There is a further wait of 6-12 months after diagnosis to be able to try medication. Going private is expensive and can also have wait lists. It may be that if a time comes that your daughter sees a benefit to a diagnosis, such as needing accommodations or wanting try medication, it’s not easily or quickly obtainable.

Obviously the decision of whether to seek diagnosis or not is up to her, but I don’t see any negatives in having a diagnosis even if not required right now and can see lots of potential negatives to not having one, even if you don’t need it now you don’t know what the future will hold and there’s no guarantee it would be quick or easy to obtain at the time needed, much better to seek it whilst things are going well than to wait and only start seeking it if you hit crisis point.

@HelpAGirlOut1234 there are ADHD classes - I was offered workshops after my diagnosis. A friend gets admin support in her job through the access to work scheme. There's all sort of helpful support that doesn't involve drugs.

To be honest, it sounds as though you don't necessarily need an official diagnosis, not because diagnoses are useless but because you have already effectively self-diagnosed and accessed support and accommodations based on your own self-diagnosis. You sound as though you have worked out strategies that help you a lot, and that's a really good thing. But if you move to a different job, they might be less willing to meet your needs. And im some situations, yes you can put in huge amounts of effort to compensate for the stuff you can't do, but actually there is support in place which means you don't have to - booking traveller support for train and plane travel, for instance, means that you don't have to spend all your waiting time in a state of high panicky alert because you can let the staff know that you have ADHD and to make sure you board the appropriate plane/train, and help with making the connection.

My DD has a diagnosis.

She is medicated.

Many people with adhd manage right up until the point they don't.

To to OP - if you are constantly making effort to stop what I will call your adhd tendencies (as you do not have a diagnosis) then you may find that it's ok now but as more gets added to your plate you don't cope.

My DD dropped out of school after glandular fever impacted her ability to make an "effort" and as the effort she needed to make was so much more than other NT people just to keep afloat the glandular fever really exposed the extent to which she hadn't been
Coping before.

You say "why don't people think of their family and their impact on other people?" They do.

One day you may be the person who has an illness and is responsible for kids and elderly parents and you just physically can't put in the "effort" you used to to pretend to be normal and then just wait for people to call
You lazy and selfish and not trying. Because although you are trying to the point of exhaustion and falling asleep the second you sit down you still can't perform like a NT person and you'll have people accusing you (just like you are accusing others) of not caring and having no empathy.

Goading is purposefully posting something to elicit a specific response.
A goady thread often has a provocative thread title, is posted by someone who has very recently changed their username, has a very short opening post, drip feeds information, has thinly veiled judgments within in, poster flounces off “have a good day guys!!!!”.

This thread basically. 😉

OP I think it is a fair question. A friend appears to have pretty classic ADHD, but no diagnosis. She has struggled at workplaces and reasonable adjustments may have made those jobs slightly easier. But what really helped was her getting a job that plays to her strengths.

Which counts out adhd and asd...

The trouble is, OP may well have adhd and internalised all of that shame and guilt. It is so difficult not to. This thread might be her way of trying to convince herself that, if she just tries that bit harder, if she just finds the right strategy or the right system or the right app etc, it will all fall into place.

I tried to convince myself of that for years. I suppose that buying into the idea that you can control it simply by putting in a bit more effort is quite empowering really. It gives you a sense of being able to control things which are actually beyond your control. It can be comforting to believe that you could get a handle on things if you really really tried. The alternative - that no matter how hard you try, you will never actually be able to fix it - can be terrifying.

I don't think the OP is intentionally reinforcing the guilt and shame that people feel, and I don't think she is trying to make other people feel shit about themselves (even though that might be the effect that she inadvertently ends up having!). I think she is just l trying to convince herself that she has the power to change things.

And perhaps she does. Perhaps she genuinely doesn't actually have adhd at all, and she is just a somewhat lazy/somewhat disorganised neurotypical person that can get better organised if she puts the effort in. If I had to bet on it, though, my guess is that she does have adhd and is still in denial about the fact that even the best strategies won't ever make it go away. I get it. I inhabited that zone for many years.