What's the point of an ADHD diagnosis?

[HelpAGirlOut1234]

Just as the title says... what is actually the point if you have no intention of taking medication, or medicating your child.

ODFO.

There’s a risk of ANYONE using something as an excuse for their behaviour or work ethic, so yes, i’m sure some people with ADHD are grifters just like anyone else.

The vast majority of us, however, have spent a FUCKING LIFETIME feeling stupid, useless, lazy and pathetic, being told to ‘try harder’, and wondering why we struggle so much with things that everyone else seems to find easy. You can’t ’put effort in’ to ‘improve’ ADHD any more than you can ‘put effort in’ to ‘improve’ needing to use a wheelchair or a pair of glasses.

ADHD is not an affectation; it’s a potentially life-ruining disability. It has cost me jobs, relationships, grades, and large chunks of my own self-worth. Being diagnosed and medicated (in my thirties) has been like night and day.

If it helps, here’s an analogy - if someone can’t walk and needs to use a wheelchair, then lots of helpful adjustments like ramp access, low counters, etc will be of great help - but ultimately, what’s going to allow that person to get from place to place is their wheelchair. All the other adjustments are useful additions but don’t fix the issue of needing to get around in order to fully enjoy life and participate at work and school etc. ADHD medication is the same - it’s the thing that makes us able to function, and reasonable adjustments help smooth the way.

Adding to the above, as a psychotherapist I regular assess people seeking an adult diagnosis of ADHD. ADHD has a huge and varied impact on people. It's actually very misunderstood. It has a huge impact on their lives, work likes and relationship. Huge consequences for self esteem, depression and anxiety. The effects are not to be underestimated.

Seeking a diagnosis in addition to the comments above, provides a lot of people with an explanation about 'why they are the way they are'. This is the most common thing I hear in assessments. Why am I this way? Why can't I just do this? Just do that? It's horrible living that way for your whole life. People ask the same of you, why are you like this? Why can't you just do this/that?

A diagnosis can offer people so much comfort and reassurance. As well as their families.

Really simple. To avoid layering deep shame on top of a neuro diversity. To have the opportunity to adapt and thrive in your life. To hopefully avoid many of the negative outcomes that people with the neurodiversity experience. People with adhd on average die earlier (linked with to underemployment, higher rates of poverty, poor mental health, obesity, addiction etc).

@KnitFastDieWarm its not a good analogy. A wheelchair achieves nothing if people park over drop kerbs and the pavements are full of potholes.

DH has in the past, got very frustrated with our 2 boys over the challenges they bring and has, on occasion used the “they should try harder” thing. Until one day I suggested that he try harder not to have seizures (he has epilepsy). He got the point after that!!

@HelpAGirlOut1234 I'm interested in your strategy for active listening. How do you avoid talking over people? I do it all the time.

I also struggle to take on board what people are saying to me when delivering complicated consultations with my clients. I cope by writing everything down. And asking people to slow down or repeat themselves to get the details of what they are saying right.

Personally I wish meds weren't the first port of call. For our family ADHD is more about knowing what we are dealing with, learning strategies for life, and understanding what is behind behaviours.

It's about knowing that you are a zebra, and not a really weird horse.

Thank you for this. I don’t disagree with a lot of what you have said. The only option for us would be the private route as she would be well out of school and university even by the time she’d get one on the NHS in our area.

She is at an independent school and they are treating her as though she has ADHD, the only thing she won’t receive is extra time as formal diagnosis is required for the exam board. And she definitely doesn’t want this. She wants to prove that she can excel without extra time. Which thankfully she still manages to do.

I do think she worries about stigma but perhaps as she matures she’ll worry less and formal diagnosis maybe something that she wants.

A lot of her friends have been diagnosed. She knows a lot about the condition and is aware of the areas in her life that she struggles with. She knows that if and when she changes her mind we and the school will support her.

Beautifully put.

Fair point - perhaps it would be better to say that the two things work in tandem to help the person?

For me, this is the answer at home but for school I think it’s too much of an ask. Teachers often don’t have the time (or some of them the inclination) to apply what we can at home. Both my boys tried meds but were sensitive to them and suffered awful side effects, neither did well in school despite both being very bright.

Wonderful.

I am indeed a zebra, and I shouldn't feel guilty about not being a horse!

I really like this an analogy, thank you!

I've considered suicide due to the impact ADHD has on my life. It's not a trivial condition.

She also worried about uni applications. She is going for very prestigious uni’s and highly competitive uni courses to boot.

She says she doesn’t want anything on her record that could possibly count against her.

I have no idea if a diagnosis could do that. I know that would be illegal discrimination, but I don’t know for sure whether it still happens or not so I can’t reassure her either way.

Formal diagnosis isn't needed for exam boards. You need to show that the reasonable adjustment/ time allowances are the normal way of practice.

My DC has had 25pc extra time based on school assessments which showed that extra time was needed, which then became their usual way of working.

My dd is about to start a medicine degree. She is still awaiting diagnosis (long wait on NHS) but chatted about it with the course director at her offer holder day. They told her that they have loads of med students with adhd, so she won't be alone with it!

I very much doubt that it would be a barrier to admissions anywhere. If anything, it makes whatever she has achieved all the more impressive.

That is really good to hear, especially for such a competitive degree as medicine. I’ll show her your post. Thank you.

OP, I also think in some cases here you seem to be confusing strategies with masking. Lots of neurodiverse people are very good at masking to the point that they can make it look to everybody on the outside that they are neurotypical and coping fine. The problem with masking is that it takes a huge amount of effort and energy, it is the classic swan analogy who looks like it’s gliding but is furiously paddling under the water. The problem with sustained masking is that it can easily lead to burnout, to overwhelm and to breakdown. Maybe everything in your job and your life and your family is going well right now and so it’s easy to put in a huge amount of effort and energy into managing all of the symptoms so that they don’t impact or become obvious to everybody, but what happens if an external difficulty crops up that requires effort and energy such as illness or bereavement? What would happen for example if you start to become overwhelmed with clutter but you can’t quickly book a day off work to sort it?

Some strategies may take effort and energy, but actually some of the best strategies reduce effort and energy, some strategies are also very obvious to others or may require extra effort from them, for example at work if somebody verbally asks me to do something and the answer is yes I always say, ‘Yes, I am happy to do it but please email this request to me or I’ll forget.’ I could put pressure on myself to put the effort into trying to just remember and to find a way to do so but it would take a lot of effort and energy and sometimes I wouldn’t remember. Maybe this impacts on some of my colleagues but I don’t feel guilty about the fact that I have a disability. Maybe a diagnosis would enable you to reduce some of the effort and energy you are putting in to hiding your faults to your family, maybe it would enable you to put in strategies they can help with so that life isn’t as much effort for you even if it requires a little more from your partner.

All my children have ADHD and autism. So do I. 2 of my children are going down the meds route, I son isn’t and neither am I. I’m too scared. We have glaucoma in the family and I don’t want the increased risk or the increased heart rate etc. My son is the same. My dd has been under CAmHs and MH services for 5 years. She was put on all sorts of very strong medications- ADs, anti psychotics , mood stabilisers. ADHD meds have changed her life and are she says the best medication she has ever had. I’m angry she got missed for so many years and has been on so many different medications she probably don’t need to be on.

I went on a course of 6 week group therapy provided by the NHS instead of medication. I can always change my mind.

I've never been assessed or diagnosed, but I am 100% convinced I have ADHD. I never even thought about neurodiversity with regard to myself. As a 41 year old woman who did really well in school and went on to a good career, I would never have made the link with something I thought only naughty kids in school had. But then some colleagues did a presentation at work on what it's like to have autism or to have ADHD. It was when my colleague described ADHD traits that the penny dropped (more like crashed down!). It was like she was describing me specifically.

The sad thing is I can't get diagnosed now because my local area has stopped running their ADHD clinic due to overwhelming demand. I do wonder if meds would be a game-changer.

Even though I am not diagnosed, I think realising that there is a reason why I am like I am has been really eye opening. I don't use (suspected) ADHD as an excuse for things. But it does help me understand myself and that some things that I struggle with (concentration, fidgeting, interrupting, losing interest, inability to listen, procrastination) are because my brain works differently to other people, not because I'm weird/crazy/stupid/lazy, etc. I am fortunate to find learning things easy, so I have achieved well academically because learning gives me a dopamine hit. I can't imagine what my life would be like if that wasn't the case.

I wish I had been diagnosed and that someone had spotted my traits when I was younger. I can look back over my whole life through an ADHD lens and see it has affected everything. If I'd have known about it and been able to manage it I honestly think I'd be a totally different person.

She doesn’t get any extra time or adjustments during school assessments. This is something she has always refused to consider.

She is very competitive. She wants to prove to everyone and herself that she can get top grades without it. She won’t even entertain the discussion. The school offered regular toilet/wandering breaks during tests, she has turned them down flat.

How does that work out for her? If it's ok then good on her. If it isn't I hope somehow she can get to a place where she will see she could get a better set up.

I’d not sure she’d get a diagnosis . You can’t just switch it off. I have bright kids it has ruined their education.