To be a bit pissed off about this?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

My parents can no longer drive due to health issues. They are fully accepting of this although it took a bit of getting used to. I drive them most places, especially to appointments as most of them are at a hospital 20 miles away with not brilliant public transport from our town, and their conditions mean that this wouldnt be a good idea anyway.

So they sold their car. All good and very happy to get a good price for the car. Then there was a throwaway comment "and we always have your car dont we?!". Then a few weeks ago I had my MOT which brought up a few issues which I have struggled to pay for but managed it. When I went shopping for them I had to say that they would need to give me the money up front as I was struggling until payday because of the MOT and one of them said that I should budget for MOTs.

This has pissed me off. They know I have no savings as I am on carers allowance and UC because of what I do with them and work a couple of shifts a week locally.

Its brought home to me that the car is their convenience but my responsibility. They do put fuel in it every few months or so but thats it. I know if I ask for a contribution towards the car costs due to its increased use (I would never go to the city with the hospital in it for example as I have no need), they would agree to pay but be a bit put out, same if I say I cant afford the car anymore and will get rid of it as realistically I could do without it.

But does that make me a bitch? Part of me thinks it does and part of me thinks that a few quid a week (even if they put in a little pot towards the MOT or something) wouldnt be a big ask. In every other way we are a very happy family and love them very much and know that they love me, I just dont think that this issue has crossed their minds.

Genuinely dont know if IABU.

YABU - Its your car, you pay for it
YANBU - They get full advantage of the car and a driver, they should contribute

I see nothing wrong with, "I don't mind driving you but I need you to contribute to the running of the car, or I'll have to sell it. I hate to ask but don't really have a choice here." I'm all for just being straight forward.

I’m not sure why you’re offended, people are only responding to what you wrote. You do make them sound like massive CF. If I asked someone for a life somewhere even once I’d offer to cover their costs, if they were my regular taxi I’d assume I’d pay regularly. Not only have they not offered they’ve suggested you should be saving money they’re not giving (what money??) that’s quite rude and offensive of them. I’m not sure why you’d wait months to discuss. They’re your parents who you see regularly. Hey mum, dad, the only reason I have the car is to drive you places, so you’ll need to cover the costs of it. I’d actually suggest a broader discussion about them paying you for the care work if they’re comfortable and you’re surviving. Surely they wouldn’t want that?

Is there anyway that they can get a mobility car, that you can use solely for the purpose of them and then just use your car (and fuel) for yourself?

I drive my mum all over the show. I'm self rmployed and earn a lot. She often wants to pay for fuel and when I don't let her, I find £100 stuffed in my bag or in my glove box or the kids get money to go out on her.

I'm sorry your DPs don't appreciate/respect you. They should contribute to your car. How much would a taxi cost?

About a month before the insurance is due, let your parents know that you’re getting rid of the car because the costs and maintenance are no longer affordable for you. Then say nothing. Let them have a think about how much value your car brings to their lives, and what they might be prepared to do in order to help you keep it.

Them: Hello, we’re going to need a lift to the hospital at 9:30 on Wednesday.
You: Sorry, I can’t afford to run my car now until the end of the month.

Our hospital, ten miles away, runs a volunteer patient transport service. Now frail DH doesn't drive he's used it several times. I think initially we needed a referral to them from the GP, the car service rang us and we arranged it. Driver waited during the appointment. It's a charity so donations welcome.

Depending on the benefits your parents claim - or could perhaps claim, isn't there an element of 'getting about'? A payment that is supposed to help with mobility - taxis etc?
It would be wrong of them to pocket that and let you pay for their mobility from your reduced means.

This.

That’s nice @Cobblersorchard Good for you. Now how does that help the op? 🙄

I think you’re going to have to have a chat with them op. As you say I think they have just been thoughtless with everything going on and they’ll be happy to help. Good luck.

They know I have no savings as I am on carers allowance and UC because of what I do with them

This seems potentially a poor choice. Are you expecting a large inheritance? You’ll jump at me about people you love and being mercenary… but you have to be practical too. It’s ridiculous that you’re in your middle age (I guess) with zero saving because of this.

If you're getting free road tax through DLA/PIP you must only use the car when the recipient of disability payments is in the car. I looked into it as my children are disabled and it wouldn't work for us, I also know a family who are having to pay 3 years of road tax back because the wife was using the car when her disabled husband wasn't in it!

I get it, but.... They are dependent on you and you get an allowance for it. Possibly unlike when you were a child and they ferried you, well, everywhere.

Life comes full circle. Love then while you have them and try not to forget all they did for you. Hopefully that will help with resentment. I really do get it, but think, maybe just suck it up.

What if sucking it up means OP can't afford to put food on her table or heat her house in winter, while her DPs have savings ?

Im
assuming because you get caters allowance, they must get either PIP or attendance allowance (I’m assuming attendance allowance because of their age) - if so, the additional money they receive is to cover the needs of their health - this may include certain foods/travel/heating anything that means they NEED the extra finance to be able to live a normal life -so, the money should be used to help this travel, be it for your car or for taxis etc.

I don’t drive and I used to take my father in law to his appointments because he had health issues and he would pay for the taxi etc and I would accompany him for safety and to understand the info and advice he was given.
(I didn’t get caters allowance at that point - when we found out it was possible, my ex (his son) claimed it and didn’t tell me)

There is only a mobility element for PIP, not for Attendance Allowance.

They need to figure out an alternative rather than assuming you’ll take them every time. The money they save not running a car could go towards taxis or they wait around for patient transport.
I agree that they are penny pinching and taking advantage of you whether you see it that way or not. Love should flow both ways; start putting yourself first or you’ll be no good to them when they really need you. You should be able to work and save some money to cover emergencies.

My dad is currently using my sisters car, due to things that happened last year and we had to send the DLA car back. He gives my sister petrol money weekly to use it, so yes I think they should chip in a little bit or if they don't like that get a taxi

God when I cared for my dad he wouldn’t let me pay for even a can of pop. They are taking the piss and they need telling.

I think that sometimes you have to 'show' in order for people to get it. Especially when it is inconvenient for them to get it.
Your car should be 'in the garage' next time they need a hospital appointment. Point them to hospital transport. Having to wait for other people to be picked up (possibly) and wait for all to finish before they can come home might raise their appreciation. If not, repeat regularly.

This.

Present it as "I am seriously considering getting rid of my car as it's a financial strain" but then acknowledge it's something they need, so ask if in order to allow you to keep it, they'd like to come to an arrangement. Use that "budget" word that they used - a few times. Show your workings - e.g. whatever they cost you in petrol, plus say a third of cost of MOT / service / road tax / insurance / annual average cost of repairs. Ask them if they need some time to decide. Then if they decide yes, set up a direct debit - the total divided by twelve, paid once a month.

If they don't understand how skint you are, is that because you've never told them? Have you ever actually said "It's five days til I get paid and I have a tenner" or whatever? You can't blame them for not getting it if not.

I think the car isn’t just for their benefit though which is how you’ve written it. Or do you not need it, only have It for them? I think it’s fine to ask them for payment for the use they have.

As I understand it people claiming their state pension cannot claim Mobility Allowance or apply for a Mobility vehicle. If they were in receipt of Mobility Allowance before retiring it continues but they cannot make a new claim. There is no allowance for "getting around".
The only claim they can make is for Attendance Allowance.
They also cannot claim Carer's Allowance, that is for people of working age who are Carers.
I still think you should discuss it with them openly and that, as the car is mainly being used for their benefit they should contribute.
I would ask your Dad how exactly you are supposed to budget for a failed MOT on Carer's Allowance, which you are claiming in order to be able to help him and also point out that you are mainly running a car in for his benefit.

A Motability vehicle has to be used solely for the person receiving the PIP/DLA benefit so OP would be unable to use the vehicle for her own use.