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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To cut her out of my life?

57 replies

ElTortilla · 21/08/2024 19:36

I've not always had the best relationship with my mum. After yet another argument, I'm ready to cut her completely out of my life.

She met her husband about 15 years ago. She married him very soon after meeting him and moved him to the UK and he lived with us. I had only met him once prior to this at their wedding.

From the moment I met him he was ignorant to me. Barely spoke to me, sometimes wouldn't even reply to things i'd ask him and would only answer one word answers and that's when he did answer. He's still like that now. If I bring it up with my mum, all I get back is that 'it's his way' or she laughs. She'll rarely challenge him when he's ignorant to me. He also will butt in a conversation I'm having with my mum and completely change the subject. Again, it's 'his way'. The first time I met him we were all together and she started screaming at me asking why I didn't like him. He never says thank you if I pay for a meal or whatever. He's incredibly negative to me too. He never says anything positive. First time I met him, he told me to shut up when I was speaking to one of his friends. My mum knows all this but defends him again. It's always just 'his way'.

Other stuff she has done is she's given my belongings to his family with a promise to buy me the items new. Reason that they're poor and would like the items. I didn't get the items replaced.

There was a time when they were both out of work. They really struggled financially and for weeks she was very aggressive in demanding that I get a loan in my name for tens of thousands of pounds to help them financially. I refused.

One time my mother and I had had an argument and she stormed of to bed with her husband and they had really loud sex with slapping included, probably as revenge for me daring to argue and stand up for myself. That was lovely as you can imagine.

She's also very critical of my appearance. She would tell me not to sit with my arms crossed as I looked fatter and tells me my face looks fatter when I wear my hair a certain way.

She reminds me of my failures in life.

She often doesn't want to see me. She doesn't have anything else on, she just doesn't want to see me.

Anyway, I've had enough of it.

WIBU to cut contact?

Has anyone cut contact with their family? Did it feel liberating and empowering?

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 30/08/2024 05:40

It's called Genstart but it is in Danish.

NotSorry · 30/08/2024 06:59

@ElTortilla I’d recommend Dr Ramani, she has a podcast and a YouTube channel. If you look through her episodes you’ll probably find lots of interesting stuff. She also recently published a book called “it’s not you”

beanii · 30/08/2024 18:35

ElTortilla · 29/08/2024 19:50

I'm going to seek counselling. Hopefully that will help me heal.

Have Ha looked for any books - there's some great ones about narcissistic mothers - I found them more helpful than counselling.

ElTortilla · 01/09/2024 22:38

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom.

It's been a few weeks now since we last spoke. I feel lots of guilt incase she's feeling upset that I'm not speaking to her. She hasn't tried speaking to me. Do you think these sorts of mothers miss us when we go NC?

Please could anyone link to the latest stately homes thread? Thank you.

OP posts:
beanii · 02/09/2024 16:22

ElTortilla · 01/09/2024 22:38

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom.

It's been a few weeks now since we last spoke. I feel lots of guilt incase she's feeling upset that I'm not speaking to her. She hasn't tried speaking to me. Do you think these sorts of mothers miss us when we go NC?

Please could anyone link to the latest stately homes thread? Thank you.

My mother doesn't - she enjoys being the victim and getting attention from others.

Try and get past the guilt - she won't feel any.

angeldelite · 02/09/2024 16:31

ElTortilla · 01/09/2024 22:38

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom.

It's been a few weeks now since we last spoke. I feel lots of guilt incase she's feeling upset that I'm not speaking to her. She hasn't tried speaking to me. Do you think these sorts of mothers miss us when we go NC?

Please could anyone link to the latest stately homes thread? Thank you.

She may miss taking her anger and dissatisfaction out on you but it’s not worth hanging around for that.

Move away asap.

The Stately Homes thread linked by Skylark above is the lastest one.

Madamecholetsbonnet · 02/09/2024 16:35

ElTortilla · 01/09/2024 22:38

Thank you everyone for your words of wisdom.

It's been a few weeks now since we last spoke. I feel lots of guilt incase she's feeling upset that I'm not speaking to her. She hasn't tried speaking to me. Do you think these sorts of mothers miss us when we go NC?

Please could anyone link to the latest stately homes thread? Thank you.

Once she realised you had seen through her and weren’t going to play her manipulative games any more, you ceased to be of use to her OP.

Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is true.

She will enjoy playing the victim, or tell people how much happier she is without you and your toxicity.

Please don’t feel guilty. She doesn’t.

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