AIBU with rooms

[RFinley]

I need help figuring out if AIBU. We've got a 3 bed house, a 3 yr (f), a 5 yr (m) and an 19 yr (sd). 3 yr and 5 yr currently share a room, 19 yr has own room and splits time 50/50 between parents, so 3 nights week minimum at ours. We can't afford to move to a bigger house in the same area and we applied for planning for a double storey extension but it's looking like an extension is not going to be affordable or worth the cost for what the planning authority will grant . I also WFH full time and my desk is in our cramped bedroom. I've suggested instead that the younger children continue to share for the next 4 years or so, and that we build a small single storey extension or garden room onto the back of the house which will be an office. I've suggested that when sd turns 23/24 yrs shell be old enough not to have her own room and can have a day bed in the downstairs office to stay on when visiting, and kids at that point have own room. My husband is acting like I've suggested making sd homeless and that I'm an awful person. Really?! I moved out when I was 16 so maybe my perspective is influenced by that but I would not expect to maintain space for a bedroom for a grown up child in their 20s when we're desperate for space and I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest?

I think this must depend on family dynamics - my room was re-assigned to my younger sister the same week I moved to Uni - if I went home to visit then I slept on the settee in the living room, and I never thought twice about that (or considered going home for summer - I just rented and worked through)

If there's space for an extension, then there's space for a shed which can hold the stuff currently in the garage (although the motorbike might be challenging if you can't get it round there), and I'd think that a garage conversion would be cheaper - it's certainly worth checking out.. Including if it's cheaper if it's a non-living space, ie. and office (with a sofabed) as opposed to a fully fledged room.

Have you looked at the modular/prefab extensions (they used one on BBC your home made perfect) it may be a quick/cheaper way to get you office space now without commiting to huge investment /longterm decision. But to answer your question no I don't think you were unreasonable at all in your suggestion but can also understand your husband wanting to house his daughter even when an adult. It's tricky with lots of different loyalties at play.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/property/4847793-cheapest-way-to-add-an-extra-room this thread had the links in

Looking 5+ or 10+ years down the line and still saying that you cannot move when you'd had too many kids for your property is being rather selfish.

You need to examine your finances and find a bigger property.

I've wfh for many years and you need a good office space, not just a desk in a bedroom, i'd say it's a must have!

An office at the bottom of the garden would be my preferred option. I had one of these at my old house. I'm now in a dedicated room in the house but given the option I'd have the office in the garden.

There are a few you can section a bedroom off and still have an office, for less than the cost of an extension

@likethislikethat
Ridiculous comment, circumstances change.

Im with your DH. My children will have a room at home for as long as they need it. Hopefully they’ll be independent sooner rather than later but it’s not unreasonable or unusual for adult children to need to be at home until they are closer to thirty nowadays. You are unlikely to tell your own 24 year olds that they need to leave home if they want a bedroom.

I think your house is maybe too small!
Could you do a loft conversion plus the garden room ?

I didn't need a bedroom at home after 21 but my rent was only £150 a month or something in my flat share, it's a totally different housing environment for young people these days and you can't assume your 19yo would be able to move out.

Apologies if this has already been suggested, I've only skimmed and not read fully. Could you build the office, but have foundations laid that are suitable for a second story at a later date, subject to planning and later requirements? That way it fits your immediate needs, but leaves the option open for the future?

It does seem a shame that your dsd is in the same situation in both her homes. Would her parents be able to help her out with a deposit on a place of her own, or help securing a rental in a couple of years, then she has her own space and it's perfectly fine to always be welcome at yours and her mums on sofa beds?