How DO single parents cope?

[SunflowersMidwinter]

She's 3 months old. When I shower - actually I only half showered today as she screamed the house down.

I poop, she comes with me 🙄. I cook something, well you get the picture. I have a husband who's awesome so all these things get relieved.

Single parents, you don't do you? I want to start a charity to support this. I'm upset at the amount of times I've read on here, single mums go through hell.

I manage it because there is literally no other option. I’m exhausted. 😩

There is no option. We just do it and lower expectations a bit around personal time

Yep

Best thing ever.. was only myself and two daughters to think about..
I became a single parent when eldest was one year old.
When she was four l met her sisters Dad.. when she was 8 her sister was born.
When they were both 11 and 3... l became a single parent again..and been one ever since and l loved it .
They are now age 40 and 32.
Loving and close all three of us.

Sorry, but what exactly is this charity for single parents going to do for them? No amount of money is going to help when they need a poo or a shower, is it? You just take them with you.

I’m sure you mean well but I’m not sure you’ve really thought this through.

I’m a lone parent (no involvement from my child’s father at all and it’s been that way since day one) and I just get on with stuff. You just have to. In your world it will seem very foreign, but when you know that nobody else is coming to help you just adapt. I often think another parent in the house would probably just piss me off because I’m not used to it and it’d just be another person’s needs to consider.

We all just cope. Some days better than others. A single mum charity isn’t needed, most of us are very capable women. Concentrating your good intentions on those who are really struggling (and not just through a narrow lens of what you perceive single parenthood to be) would be more beneficial.

When I told DD's dad I was pregnant (unplanned) I virtually couldn't see him for dust 😂So I accepted I'd be doing it on my own. I loved it! Just me and DD and nobody else to have to worry about. You just get on with it and find ways of managing. I actually felt I had it easier than a lot of women who have a partner.

Survived with help from family until kids started school/30 hours funding. Have a slightly above averagely paid job. That’s how I did it.

I had support from Homestart when I became a single parent - a volunteer came and played with my children so I could do stuff. Friends would occasionally take them for me. I made the most of them being at their dad's house. But it's really hard.

I found that being a single parent is easier than being in a relationship with a partner who does nothing to help.

Very condescending OP, although I’ll bite my tongue and accept the financial aid your charity is going to bung my way.

We just do it, and roll our eyes/choke on our tea when mums at baby groups say they can’t cope because husband is away for work for a week.

Oh, and I had it easy because both my babies enjoy lying on the bathroom floor listening to the fan and water noises, so at least I’m usually clean. Same for hairdryer noise.

I just did it. I just got up and got on with it and I've realised two very independent and lovely young women.
I never questioned the work I had to do because like all things I knew it phase would pass

The hardest thing I found was not the practical things but the total social isolation.

Agreed.

Massive part as to why DC's dad is an ex.

It’s genuinely hell. I am mid-mental breakdown (not even on the brink any more) and you just have no choice but to keep going.

No idea what your charity will do, but whatever it does please have a focus on being non-judgemental. There’s lots of supposed ‘help’ out there by the way of chat lines etc, and it seems to be older, previously SAHM who had a husband and family support, saying wholly unhelpful things like ‘you need to carve out more time for yourself’ and ‘your DS won’t remember the time you spend cleaning, just time time he spends with you.’ 💁‍♀️

I agree with PP, it’s so much easier being a single parent than parenting with someone that does nothing to help!

However, saying that, being a single parent is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. My DD is nearly 9, but she has SEN, and on the difficult days I could get to 9-10pm and still not had a proper drink or meal the whole entire day. You need to be incredibly resilient to raise a child alone, and if I didn’t have my family who help out and babysit so I can have some time to myself every now and then, I genuinely don’t think I would cope.

You just do.

What's the alternative?

It's not all hell, we do enjoy being a parent as much as others do.

I have not been a single parent but it looks incredibly hard. Especially if there is an abusive ex trying to make things worse and trying to control the woman via coparenting. The resident parent just seems to get screwed over.

My son was like this but the hoover stopped him for some reason. So I used to put it on next to him while I showered.

Donate to Gingerbread, the charity which offers practical support to single parents, and your local food bank.

My sister is a single parent to two adopted children, so no other parent involved at all to share the load practically or financially.

Obviously it's really tough, but she genuinely can't fathom how people do it whilst maintaining a romantic relationship. She sees many advantages to being a single parent and can't imagine it any other way.

Lack of choice.

We cope because we have to....if I was having a poop and she was screaming the place down then tough, she'd have to wait until I'd finished because there would literally be no other choice.

I can only speak for myself, but looking after DS was SO much easier after ex & I split.

DS used to sit on the bathroom floor with his toys and chat while I showered. He had a play pen and a baby music centre on the kitchen floor while I cooked. We chatted, played together, ate together, slept together.

My only problem times were when getting my hair cut. DS watched me in the dentist chair and I once had a routine smear with DS happily snuggling on my chest.😁

I didn't find it that hard but I don't know how people manage to date as well. That must be tough.

People always asked me how I managed to raise my five as a single parent (from when the eldest was nine and youngest two). I said I shouted a lot.

It's true. I shouted and lost my shit repeatedly. The house was a tip, we ate frozen pizza all the time, the kids never saw their father and he didn't pay a penny. But, oddly, they have extremely happy memories of their childhoods, probably because I HAD to let so much go!

I'm not a single mum but my husband works away mon to Fri I have a 2 and 3 year old and heavily pregnant with my third . My husband is fantastic on the weekend. My mum died just before I had my first . It's bleak I really miss the emotions support