How DO single parents cope?

[SunflowersMidwinter]

She's 3 months old. When I shower - actually I only half showered today as she screamed the house down.

I poop, she comes with me 🙄. I cook something, well you get the picture. I have a husband who's awesome so all these things get relieved.

Single parents, you don't do you? I want to start a charity to support this. I'm upset at the amount of times I've read on here, single mums go through hell.

I've never felt that I've had to 'cope'
I actually find it really condescending when people say that. I'm just a parent. Like a PP if I was on the loo and the DC cried then tough. Same as when I was in a relationship. I'd shower/ bath when they were in bed, or with them coming in and out of the bathroom. Occasionally they'd get in with me.

I mean there are millions of children raised by single parents so obviously most of those parents just crack on and get on with it.

What will your proposed charity do exactly?

A woman at work told me she had no idea how I managed to work full-time and raise 2 DC (I’m not a single parent). She kept saying it just seems impossible, how can you do it, how do you get them to school and then start work. I was a bit baffled tbh. I just do it. There’s no magic or science. Similarly I’m sure most single parents find a straightforward way to shower or poop.

You use a baby bouncer, a playpen etc. At 3 months you have the choice whether or not they accompany you to the toilet or shower.

If they cry, they cry. They will soon get used to the idea that you come back.

Yes, as PP have said, there’s no choice. My DH died - after a fun 3 years dealing with cancer and parenting toddlers - and it’s been just me for the nearly 8 years since. Eldest has SN, and I’m finding teens the hardest bit so far. But there we are. Things could be better, things could be worse. I try to appreciate the moments that go well!

I had twins.

Stick them in the playpen/bouncer in the bathroom and get on with it,

Mine had to accept screaming sometimes - if I'm changing C's nappy I can't change B's at the same time.

We all lived.

I was a single parent for the last (almost) decade and there were times when I just needed to scream, cry and shout!
You manage because you have to. You cope because you have to. And that little baby/child sees you as their absolute world and that's what keeps you going.
You've got this mama. Do you have a bouncy chair thing you can put your baby in and take to the bathroom whilst you shower? I had to do this and it worked if I didn't take too long.
Also, try to make some mum friends are local play groups or things like that, as having someone to vent to when you feel like you're struggling is paramount. Best wishes x

I am finding it relatively easy but I only have 1. Much easier, calmer & happier than trying to do it in a (bad) relationship.

Nothing like a child to put the spotlight on all the flaws!

You literally have no choice unless you want to give up your child. Its not that we are hero's or anything. I've had days when I can barely move with depression or when I'm sick and vomiting every ten minutes I still have to look after my child because what's the other option?? I do roll my eyes when people on here moan about their husband being away for one night but then if you've never been a single parent you're not to know how tough it is.

Yup. Drives me mad when friends with shared care of kids say I need to make them for myself. I've got my son 100% of the time. I literally can't.

I would love something like Homestart but for older children. Free babysitting so I can go to activities like running clubs that are always in the evening would also be nice! Or a service where you can get someone to pop to the shops for you when the kids are in bed and you need Lemsip or similar!
I wouldn't feel patronised at all. I'm kind of past that and would just like some help!

Yep you manage as there is no choice. It’s exhausting and I aged a decade in 3 years. The lack of sleep with no help was awful but you get out the other side.

This is a really good point! A lot of single parents could do with financial help for going through courts with abusive ex.

Tip of a house and frozen pizza sounds very familiar and I only have one kid!

Wow how patronising of you.

Not all single mums are in the same position.

Not all of us are self pitying and just crack on without feeling like it's a big deal.

It's always hard work and some days are worse than others, but it's not 'single parent hell' for everyone. This is my life and my children and it isn't hell and my life isn't shit. The experience is different for everyone.

There's also already a charity, it's called Gingerbread and the meet up groups offer help to those that needed if it's in your area. It's not enough for many, it depends where you live, but it's better than nothing for some.

We just do, single parent (absolutely zero involvement from their father) both of them have additional needs one also has medical needs and we spend a lot of time in hospital. Juggle work and parenting and home life because I have to. I am however NEVER on top of laundry though!! I’ve accepted I never will be but something had to give. I do have to refrain from poking other mums eyes out when they say they are single parenting when their oh are away on business for a week or so, NO YOU ARE NOT HE WILL BE BACK!! I do this 24/7 365 that does bother me can you tell??
the only thing that gets to me is the fact it’s a lonely job and I get lonely doing it all myself. I’ve not dated in years because I don’t have the time. I do have friends but it’s not the same as having a hug when it’s been a rough day etc

I just did it. Maybe I was lucky in that my baby didn't scream the house down if I wanted to have a shower or go to the loo. But if she had, I'd have gone for a shower or to the loo anyway. Because I had to just get on with it. And showering and pooing are things I have to do 🤷🏼‍♀️

It was far easier and less stressful being a single parent than having her useless dad in the house...

And yes... it's really, really annoying when other mums say they 'feel like a single parent' because their husband works away... er... no... you have financial and emotional support... and they'll be back!

For many it's easier than having a man child in the house.

There's very little mess when it's just you and a baby.

You get into a routine that just suits you and the baby. No compromising for another person.

Co sleeping is easier.

You leave the door open when you're in the bathroom.

You can walk about with your boobs out when you're breastfeeding.

The baby can just eat a bit of what you're eating.

You get UC payments of up to 85% of nursery costs so it's easier to go back to work full time.

You have zero risk of domestic abuse.

I've so much respect for single parents. I had a temp split from my oh for a while. It was easier in some ways not having a man around but in terms of the children I found it really really hard

Yes and the vast majority are women

Where are the single male parents?

It's a constant juggling act working full time & raising a child, but you just do the best you can.
I have endless to do lists that often get added to & I am often exhausted, but like every present parent, I carry on because I want the best for my little girl.

Well you don't have some useless bloke to worry about for a start 😉

I like being a single parent most of the time, dd and I are are own little unit.

The times I find it hard are when one of us is ill and financially it's more of a struggle.

So she screams the place down. . . and? Sometimes babies do that.

You cope by putting them down in the cot / pram / playpen / whatever (when they're a bit bigger, you need a baby gate to keep them in one room) and getting on with whatever else you need to do. And if they scream, they scream. Sometimes you just have to ignore it.

This. I think what people often don’t understand about single parenthood is that very often women have been coping before with men who are worse than useless because not only do they do nothing, they create more work and stress.

So being a single parent is hard compared to parenting with a hands on and supportive partner but it’s a breeze compared to parenting with a waste of space.

I was married to my daughter’s father until she was nearly four and it was the hardest and least rewarding period of my life. The years since we have been separated have been a joy. Admittedly I only have one and it’s exponentially harder with each additional child but the point still stands.

Parenting in a partnership is only easier if both parents step up and play their part.