How DO single parents cope?

[SunflowersMidwinter]

She's 3 months old. When I shower - actually I only half showered today as she screamed the house down.

I poop, she comes with me 🙄. I cook something, well you get the picture. I have a husband who's awesome so all these things get relieved.

Single parents, you don't do you? I want to start a charity to support this. I'm upset at the amount of times I've read on here, single mums go through hell.

Im a widow she nice my kids were young, but before that my DH was out of the house at 6am and my family live in another country.
I always showered. Toddler nearby baby in a bouncy chair or similar, if she cried as long as she was clean, fed and not in obvious pain, I ignored it for a few minutes. But I also showered before they woke up on occasion.
Toilet? Sure they may want to be there or close by. Answer the door? Have a travel cot downstairs to put them in. Cooking never seemed to be a problem. The relentlessness was hard, but that's just what it's like with kids!
As PP said, you do it as there's no other option.

Single mum of multiple. Sometimes it's easier! Anyway, you just do it. It's like you can't imagine coping with a baby until you have to.

There are charities that help. If you want, you can become a volunteer at a charity called Homestart that matches volunteers to families so they can come and offer company and support to parents who are struggling in some way (health, single parent, etc).

I’m a single mum to 4 and have been since pregnant with the youngest so done all the new born stage alone with 3 other kids to care for and ex not involved never had the kids overnight and doesn’t see them, you just get on with it tbh and no I’m not one of those people that find it easier it’s been absolute hell but what’s the alternative?

I’ve got three kids - 7, 6 and 2, and you know what? It’s a thousand times easier now I’m on my own. I work full time too. Of course it’s tiring but rather that than trying to organise the life of a baby man who wants his dinner (and breakfast and lunch) on the table and doesn’t pull his weight.

I’m a single parent. I find posts like this really patronising to be honest.

You just keep on doing it and yes they come to the loo with you! Strap in chairs and slings are helpful!

Because you bloody have to. You work it out. Essentials only.

But it was easier than living with abusive ex.

There is no option. I became a lone parent to a 2.5 year old at 45. A disabled one at that. You just have to get on with it. It's bloody hard work. He's 13 now and I still have little to no time to myself.

I don't think that's the OP's intention at all. I get more annoyed with people who complain about their partners working away or having a weekend with the lads or whatever and declaring that they are "single parents". They are not.

You manage because you have to. But then I had a VERY easy child and I was 21 so had lots of energy and hadn't yet been battered by life.
He would happily go in his cot and burble while I had a shower.

It's hell. One of mine is poorly and obviously I need to stay off with them but the other one had an op in July and I had a week off with them and now it's 2 days with the other and work are getting mad because I have no other choice. Can feel the judgement and them thinking I'm taking the piss.

Literally can't win. And this is with an "involved" dad who sees them regularly. Just refuses to be off with them when ill (or inset days etc)

To be fair, when they're otherwise well I love it. Love being able to just be with the kids without worrying about an overgrown man child. And we've got the most chilled, happy house where all the kids friends come and play. We have a ridiculously busy but fairly routine led life where I don't get a minute to myself unless it's a "daddy sleepover". But days like this are the absolute worst

They get on with it. Shower while baby is in playpen or cot and let them scream. They are safe and a person needs to shower

You manage, because you have to.

When my daughter was 3 months old I was still in a relationship, but my partner worked. I survived by having some absolutes - I need a shower, I use the toilet alone etc. Organise yourself so you can shower while the baby naps and strap them into the chair /safe place when you need the loo.

The most useful bit of advice the Bounty book gave me was that it's okay for the baby to cry/ for me to take a break, as long as she is fed, clean and safe.

You just get on with it! I've never known anything different to be honest. I think the hardest thing is when you are sick.

Very patronising OP. But anyway I assume you mean well and are just ignorant.

We just get on with it. I am fortunate to have a very successful career and well paid job and can afford to buy in help.

And there are moments of joy as well as lows, like everything in life. I'm sure not all married couples are jumping for joy and skipping through the daisies the whole time.

If you want to do something constructive, donate to Gingerbread like PP have suggested.

This unfortunately. I have no support network life can be hard

I’ve been a single mum since the day my son was born (separated from abusive ex during pregnancy). He was born just before lockdown happened so was a couple of months at the start of lockdown and it was draining as I was at home 24/7 with a baby and not able to have access to help. I think during that period of time I lived off only 3/4 hours sleep a day and spent the rest of the time crying. I was wrecked.

My son is now 5, I’m disabled and he has adhd/autism which makes it so much harder than the ‘average’ single parent. I’m exhausted, due to his additional needs - he doesn’t end up sleeping until gone midnight each night and I have no one to share that nighttime routine with so I don’t end up getting to sleep each night until 1/2am. When I get in the bath, I’m in and out making sure he doesn’t injure himself. I have no one to share the cooking of dinner, so I cook each day and again, have to make sure he’s not injuring himself whilst cooking - no one has cooked me a meal in about 4 years. Everywhere I go - he’s there. I love him and it’s rewarding but man, it’s draining. I’m physically and mentally drained. Even with the childcare situation, I’m disabled and regularly have to have appointments at a specialist hospital 2 hours away from me - as well as surgeries. My sons needs prevent him from doing full hours at school, let alone after school/breakfast club. So due to the lack of childcare as a single parent, I have to take him out of school for my own medical appointments.

I’m unable to work due to the times he’s in school (3 hours a day) so I have to stay skint and don’t have a partner for the income. I cannot afford to go on holiday and likely will never be able to afford to take him on holiday during his childhood.

I’m also sick of people with partners saying that they’re basically a single parent - because like no, you have a partner who shares finances and likely when they’re home from work will cook dinner or look after the children so you can get in the bath. If you have a medical appointment they can take leave to pick the kids up from school.

This. I had major surgery (an ankle fusion) and as soon as I was released from hospital, I went home and parented my son. I was in a wheelchair/crutches for weeks and felt like death but I had no other choice than to wake up each day and be a parent. I think it’s made me a stronger person, I feel like once you parent a child on your own through sickness and health - nothing can break you.

It's hard but tbh I'm quite resilient and I know these times pass and next month they'll be a little more independent. Single mother to a 3 year old and a 7 month old (been single a good few months now) and it just gets easier. My 3 year old loves go help it's a helping hand for me x

3 months old was easy, they can't go anywhere! Yes they cry but honestly I just ignored it some of the time, I wouldn't get anything done otherwise.

Toddlers are the real challenge, you can't strap them into a bouncer any more and they're always running about.

I've been a single parent for 16 years, the hard bits are definitely over, my teen is great.

My ex's in some way or another sapped my time and energy. Men are so needy and expect women to give more than we take in my experience. I know this is bared out in the stats's, married men live longer etc.

As I can afford my bill on my own it is easier to parent alone. Yes support would be wonderful, but not at the cost of me having to support the man more.

Give your money to charities which enable women and children to flee abusive men.

I would like 1 or 2 evenings free babysitting (I don't have any family nearby or friends who could do this)
And I would like council tax to be 50% for single adults not 75%.
Also for tax-free childcare to cover all the nursery costs of working full time not just 75% of it.

I know of 2 single parents who had sperm donors and another who’s boyfriend did a runner (he did stay involved with his DD though.

My own DM became a single mother by choice in mid 70s as my bio dad was useless. I was 4/5 then and my DB was about 2. It carried a stigma then as there weren’t many single mothers around. Years later though after children left home or could cope it wasn’t surprising that the mums in “happy families” sometimes got out and even left the family home and got jobs and a new flat/house.