To really hate that bell

[Royalegardenchamo]

My lovely dad has stage 4 cancer, we're 6 months into a 12 month prognosis. The clock is ticking and he's now very unwell but still receiving treatment.

I am so fed up of hearing people ring that bell. Its right next to the waiting room, right next to the treatment room. I burst out crying when I heard it today.

I think it's a hideous idea. Surely they could think of something more discreet. I just don't understand it. My dad hates it too. It's crept into my mums dreams at night.

Christ, it’s awful. My DH will never ‘beat’ his disease. He’s being treated long term palliatively at UCLH Macmillan and thank goodness I’ve never heard one there.
Sorry about your dad x

It's macabre. Hearing that fucking bell ringing while my nan slowly died with absolutely no hope of recovery was absolutely gut wrenching. Selfish, insensitive, egotistical bullshit.

I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through 💐

I have stage 4 cancer and am grateful every visit that my hospital doesn't have a bell.

Big love to you and your dad

I had never really thought about this but I agree, it’s insensitive.

It’s all part of the “fighting” cancer narrative. No one fights cancer. They have cancer and receive treatment.

This idea that you didn’t fight hard enough of you don’t make it is offensive and a nonsense.

I'm very heard people say similar things on our children's oncology ward. Some children will never get to ring it. I agree it's very insensitive.

I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. My own lovely dad did too. I’d always misunderstood the bell and thought it was when people went into remission. I knew my dad never would so felt nervous about it too. But once I realised I didn’t mind it

There's a massive difference in writing a discreet card and ringing a loud bell that is so piercing that terminally ill patients can hear. Hope should be accessible for everyone. That's not hope, that's a painful reminder.

I've no experience of cancer personally so I won't comment on that or pretend to understand how you must feel. I'm just so sorry for you. What I can say is, I've had terrible loss in the last 9 months. My twin boys died at birth and for a week solid I watched pregnant women come and go with their new babies and balloons on the SAME ward. I left with two memory boxes. It was so insensitive I wanted to die from the pain.

I can't imagine what that bell must do to you and your dad. I'm appalled and angry for you and him. Much love and peace to you. I'll be thinking of you all.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you had to endure on that ward. I don't understand how these things are allowed to happen.

I don't think we have a bell? I only had one cycle of chemotherapy as it made me so ill I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks and had to stop it, so I suppose I wouldn't have got to ring it anyway (had I wanted to), but I have been a cancer inpatient, cancer outpatient, and cancer day case patient and I haven't seen or heard a bell in any of those settings.

Mind you, the other thing I haven't seen is any children. Our hospital doesn't have separate paediatric oncology services.... why haven't I seen any children!?

https://radiologybusiness.com/topics/medical-imaging/oncology-imaging/stop-ringing-cancer-bell-oncology
And it is bad for the people who do it. Terrible all round.

Life is so random and unfair when it comes to illness, sometimes people don’t get that we are not invincible and anyone of us can get literally anything. The person who is ill and their families have to watch the world going on while they stand still, which is painful enough, without the brash announcement of the bell that says ‘woohoo I’m outta here, later losers!’. The bell has to stop, and we all need to be more mindful of those suffering and celebrate our wins in private with our loved ones. I know what a relief it is when you get an illness under control, but we have to be mindful in hospitals at all the stories that are happening and be more respectful, the bells have to go definitely, I’m sorry for your incredible upset OP.

I may be wrong but I think children are often treated in specialist children's hospitals eg Alderley, Great Ormond Street.

I don't think it's a great idea anyway? I mean what's the point of ringing the bloody bell. I don't know about all cancers but with cervical cancer then it often takes about 3 months to know if the treatment has worked anyway

@Gogogo12345 my cancer treatment started at the end of June last year. (Breast cancer). I've had (failed) chemotherapy, surgery, radiotherapy, immunotherapy and hormone therapy. I'm now on a tyrosine kinase inhibitor. At my last CT and mammogram both said no evidence of recurring cancer, but my oncologist has been very careful NOT to say I am cancer-free. Do I EVER get to say that I have beaten this? I certainly wouldn't want to ring any bloody bell unless I could say that.

I snuck out a different exit after my last radiotherapy, I was tired and felt sick and was on my own, I just wanted to drive home and go to bed.

I’m in Ireland. I moved house mid breast cancer treatment- Galway to Dublin.

They didn’t have the bell at the Dublin hospital and I was so relieved.

I agree it’s insensitive and as part of the whole ‘fighting’ cancer narrative it’s plain stupid.

Get rid of the bell !

I agree. If someone wants to celebrate, do it outside the confines of the hospital. On the flip side, cancer never wins, it’s a draw at best.

I agree with you op.

I don't think we should blame Americans. They can do what they want in their own country and no one is forcing us to copy them.

I get it OP. My sister, mum and me all went with my Dad last year for his pre bloods before starting chemo (which he never got to try as was too ill).
We walked in and saw the bell straight away and we all looked at each other saying in our heads "he will never get to ring it"

Agree with your point re:’fight’. My late father refused to entertain it. I think I was more open to the idea then but I’ve watched videos of at least two other relatives ringing it since and then passing away a few weeks later. I think it communicates cure and gives false hope. My husband disagrees and says it brings joy to people. I guess I can see both perspectives.

YANBU. And why is it only for cancer? NOT that I am saying that it should be replicated in other wards! Totally inappropriate in a medical environment. If there has to be something like this, maybe it could be in a dedicated room somewhere else in the hospital, like how they have those rooms with art in that anyone can use for quiet contemplation.

Edit: I think the reason it feels so distasteful is because it plays into the ridiculous simplification of cancer. "The cure for cancer" - what kind? Why is it all talked about like it's one disease? The fight/battle/warrior stuff. You don't hear that about other potentially fatal diseases with anything like as much regularity. Those "We're coming to get you, cancer" adverts just make me want to shrivel up. I hated all this patronising, kind of infantilising crap before losing people to cancer, and hate it even more now.

I can accept the cancer research charities saying they're fighting cancer, along with the research scientists because they are literally researching how to prevent cancer and destroy cancer cells.

I don't like the language of patients "fighting" cancer as DH's cancer was very much one of luck - it either responds to chemo or not... I mean we were careful about infection risks but the thing that made the difference was the drugs and protocols developed by the scientists and research medics who are the ones doing the "fighting" on a general level...

There wasn't a bell...

I don't have any direct experience of this...but I've seen the bell ringing on TV and social media and have thought the same as you op ....so sorry to hear what your family is going through

How utterly heartbreaking.

I am so sorry to read this, your loss is immense and then to watch the circus around you must have been brutal.

So very sorry.