To really hate that bell

[Royalegardenchamo]

My lovely dad has stage 4 cancer, we're 6 months into a 12 month prognosis. The clock is ticking and he's now very unwell but still receiving treatment.

I am so fed up of hearing people ring that bell. Its right next to the waiting room, right next to the treatment room. I burst out crying when I heard it today.

I think it's a hideous idea. Surely they could think of something more discreet. I just don't understand it. My dad hates it too. It's crept into my mums dreams at night.

I get it, op. I don't like the bell ringing either. I agree with other posters. What about the patients who have terminal diagnosis. Cancer referred to as a battle also annoys me.

It's horrible and insensitive. If people want to celebrate the end of treatment they should do so privately, not in full view/ hearing of others who won't get such a chance. So sorry about your dad💐

It’s childish and patronising. Stupid American shit.

So sorry about your Dad OP.

Has anyone told any staff member how they feel about this?

We don’t have one where I work for this reason. I am so glad, i hate the concept. And Ive never had anyone upset we didn’t have a bell.

Totally agree op. I have had three friends ring that bell and are no longer with us. What on earth does it mean? Treatment's over and no trace of cancer? Or treatment's over, I'm going home to take my chances? Dreadful idea.

I'm in the US and have accompanied a friend to her chemo and radiation appointments.

There was no bell to ring at the chemo location, but there was a big noticeboard where survivors could leave a card to encourage others, thank the nurses, oncologists, front desk staff, God, etc. My friend left a card when her treatment was over, though she still goes for regular checkups, blood tests, and mammograms twice a year.

There was a bell at the radiation location. My friend rang it, and the people in the waiting room cheered and wished her well, as did the desk staff. She got a laminated certificate marking the last day of radiation, signed by the desk staff and the radiology techs and doctor, which she was happy to accept.

The bell, cert, and noticeboard are not supposed to be a celebration of "winning" or "kicking cancer in the ass". They do offer the hope of ending treatment, which is often enough for people to look forward to, and encourage others to hope for the light at the end of the treatment tunnel too.

Of course everyone knows that not all the people in the waiting room will get to write a little card and stick it onto the board, or ring the bell with hope for full remission, but equally, it's accepted that people can celebrate their own personal progress through treatment. Nobody going through cancer treatment believes they are out of the woods as soon as their treatment ends. It's OK to publicly mark the milestones along the way all the same, and I don't think allowing a little symbol of hope into a place where people can feel very low is a bad thing.

Some of the noticeboard cards were written by family members of patients, perhaps because their loved ones had died. They were cards expressing gratitude to the staff and encouraging others to have courage, faith, etc.

I really think it’s worth saying something to the hospital. It’s completely understandable. I’d sign a petition to get them removed.

I'll be writing to the team about it but I'll wait until this is over. My mum's quite old school and thinks you have to respect medics at all costs or it'll negatively impact your treatment.

I think cancer is such a sensitive topic I can imagine a lot of people not wanting to complain about it for fear of taking something important away from those who do get to ring it.

Thankyou for all of the kind replies and we'll wishes.

My mum refused to ring it when she got her "all clear". When asked why not she replied, "for the same reason people don't put new born babies near a woman who has just miscarried, I won't ring that bloody bell when people in the room opposite may have been told they are dying".

I am so sorry for your situation, it’s very hard.

I don’t understand the bell really, my dad got to ring it and the nurses all lined up and clapped.
Although it was a good moment for him I was very shocked it was right there on the ward where lots of people would never ring it.

Also, it’s very specific to cancer isn’t it? If you survive a heart attack or anything else you don’t ring a bell.
Buys in to the whole cancer ‘fight’ when really it’s down to luck and care rather than ‘mettle’ as to whether you survive or not.

It would be better if they could do something silent
Like I dunno, press a button that makes something light up maybe?
That way it's a little thing but not audible reminders

Not comparing this but as an example, at my vet they have a light up candle and a sign that says "if this candle is lit, someone is saying goodbye, please be quiet in the waiting area"
It's discreet and they don't turn it on until you've gone in the room with your pet

Cards are a lovely idea, they can be read or ignored. We will be sending a card of thanks to the team when my DDad dies. Ringing a massive loud bell in full view of the treatment and waiting room is something else entirely and what hope does it offer to those who are close to death? The only hope we have for my dad is that the constant agony he is in will eventually end and he'll have a good, pain free death. His treatments are trying to achieve this but that's not what the bell symbolises.

Your mum is ace!

I agree OP, just awful.😢
I liken it to being unable to have children (me) but being seated in a gynaecologist's waiting area alongside pregnant women.

I hated that bell. The waiting seats for visitors/ accompanying family members is next to the bell and I pretended not to hear it every day whilst waiting for my mum’s treatment. I had headphones in - but not switched on- because you had to clap and cheer when they rang the bell.

My mum also refused to ring the bell when she finished her treatment. Six years in remission now.

my friend rang the bell and she died a few weeks later.

I hate it. I hate the language around cancer. I hate the expectation that once you're unwell with a horrible disease you become a hero. I hate that when you become terminally Ill you become infantilised and seen as some kind of perfect demi-God. I hate that you're not allowed to despise every step of your treatment and recovery and if you're anything but positive people turn against you.

But I'm a realist. Everyone is human and fallible and made mistakes and is allowed to hate their treatment, their recovery and most of all the entire patronising side industry that has cropped up around cancer.

Thank you. I did refuse it and they were surprised. I hope they stopped doing it.

I have had cancer.
Fortunately the bell wasn't a thing at yhe time
I struggle enough with the fighting language used around cancer - did those who die of cancer not fight hard enough?

My beloved Dad died of cancer 2 months ago. It was brutal what it did to him and the last few months were traumatic to watch.

I get you and I'm so sorry about your dads prognosis. I hope the time you have left has more good days than bad.

I work on an oncology unit and we too have a bell but I hate it personally. We have it in a sort of family room - different and away from the family room where we give bad news, this one is where a patient can go to with their family or friends, or on their own, after getting the all clear, because that is strangely emotional. We do it at the last scan following the last chemo course if it is looking successful, and very much if the patient wants it, some don't. Of course with cancer it isn't ever that straightforward and I've had patients in remission for ages, but then we find something Ona scan and it all starts again.

Sorry, none of this is helpful, but just wanting to say how sorry I am that you are all on this difficult journey.

I hate it too. I've had cancer and recovered but never rang that bell- it would have felt like tempting fate because once you have a cancer diagnosis there is no such thing as cured- you never know whereat can be lurking and if and when it might return.

This My husband died of cancer and that still gives me rage.

And I get the anger around the language used in cancer too. I survived because I was lucky that it was diagnosed early enough to treat and, even more, because of sheer luck that the physiology of the cancer I had meant that it responded to treatment.

I did not become a better person when I had cancer and I was not a hero. I just turned up at my appointments, took the medication, went to my scans and accepted the situation. It is the least heroic thing I've done. And my patients are the same now. They are just people whose body missed some dysregulated cells which then grew....simplistic explanation.

We need to change the language but how when it is used by the big charities and is the emotional hook for people donating large amounts of money.

Interestingly, as an oncologist I don't get put on a pedestal by my patients or the general public, that tends to go to the cardiologists in my experience!

I have never understood that bloody bell, it's so bloody crass to rub the noses of patients that are not going to make into the mud.

I hate the idea. When I had my last treatment( chemo/radio combined) I felt so bloody ill there was nothing to celebrate. I had to wait about eight weeks before a scan to tell whether treatment had worked. No bell, thankfully.

It's an awful, awful idea. Clearly thought up by someone that has no direct experience of living with cancer at all. It's so cruel. Sending love to you and your dad.