Friend begging to go on holiday with me, I don't know how to tell her

[lolit]

My friend has bad anxiety and is a "people-pleaser" and I sympathize, but it makes her very difficult to be around for longer than half a day.

For context, her anxiety is so bad that sometimes she misses flights because she has such bad anxiety about missing a flight. I don't even understand how this works but ok

She has been begging me for years to go on holiday with her and I'm running out of excuses. She seems to completely lack self-awareness and says she is a very chill person to go on holiday with.

I don't know how to tell her she is the least chill person I've ever met

Going on holiday with a friend who says she's " chill" means she's anything but, in my experience.
If she was, she wouldn't need to say it.
I would just say I don't have enough leave as she will try and talk you round otherwise
Consider yourself and if it would work for you.. The answer is no

You don't seem to like her very much. I still like my anxious friend. I just won't travel with her. But I see her all the time for lunch and go over to her house.

I was coming on to say this. Can you agree to a weekend somewhere as a trial run? Then when she says "That went well, let's book a holiday " you can say, but you had a meltdown about x, refused to go to y, didn't like my suggestions but wouldn't suggest anything yourself. It was extremely stressful for me and I need my holidays to be relaxing."

She sounds insufferable. And very much one of those people who makes every situation about her.

I'd tell her that you value the friendship but that you think you'd be incompatible holiday companions. Make it final rather than talking about annual leave or this or that. Just tell her it wouldn't work and be definite about it.

Trial with an overnight or a staycation first

Could you just do a day out with her?
And if she wants someone to go on holiday with could she go with an organised group?

Give her a chance. 1 year, 1 week. She is your friend right? Show her a good time and how to have a nice holiday. I would specify before though that this is a one time thing... Unless it works out OK.

Go away in this country to be on the safe side if you feel you can if not, make an excuse

The risk is that they
be friends after that.

OP knows that it won't work, yet you're still suggesting a whole week together?

I was in a similar position and called the friend and said I was considering other preferred holiday options so couldn’t do that but would love to have her over for a weekend. Just be straight but no need to tell the person why in a personal way

This is a very bad idea- she misses planes regularly.

If she does that this time their friendship would be ruined.

Hi op,

if you can’t bear her for half a day and she knows that (hence she pushes for you to bare more) then you both know very well you aren’t that friends.

Not sure why you keep this alive but the « feel good » to help someone that so desperately needs your friendship?? Do a massive favor to both of you and stop entertaining her idea. Don’t answer anymore and move on to your real friends. She will do the same.

Good luck 🌺

She doesn't know I can't bear her for half a day

I don't know what happened to that post. It should say "the risk is that they WON'T be friends after that"

everything else that poster said applies though. I usually roll my eyes on MN when people jump in to say 'You really don't like your friend, do you?' but in this case, you really DON'T seem to. You started off not wanting to go away for a holiday together which is completely reasonable, but if you don't even like spending a few hours with her, have described her as very needy, really annoying, lacking in self-awareness and inconsiderate...how is she a friend?

I am thinking she does op.

I just can’t see an adult woman being said « no » to go to holidays together (so no very complex emotions here) for various reasons over years if I got it right? …and still think she should ask again because obviously you really wanted to go 😓

I don’t think I would ask a second time if the answer was no at first…let alone multiple time after still receiving nos…

I mean…yourself you say she « beggs » 😓😓

doesn’t sound like friendship to me.

I don't know why you're friends with her if you find her this annoying? It doesn't sound like you like her much at all 🤷‍♀️

Why are you trying to people please?
Just say no, I'm going with Janet, i wouldn't go away with many people.

I find "That wouldn't work for me" covers most stuff I don't want to do. If pushed for a reason, I smile faintly and change the subject.

Anyone that begs for anything is desperate. Don’t deal with desperate people, there is a reason why you are their last resort and it is that they have scared off everyone else.

Never trust anyone that has no friends.
If you can't stand her you must do a good job pretending you like her if she's asking you to go away 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like she wants to use you as the person in charge of the holiday, perhaps she's thinking it will lessen her anxiety because YOU will sort it all out and direct her, not that she will tell you that, but she may expect it.
I could be wrong but she's definitely asking for her own selfish reasons.

I’d straight up say no. Sorry I have limited time off and I’m not interested in planning a vacation for you.

IF you want to go on a vacation with her id suggest a spa or something. Did it once, just like three days at a local hotel, some hiking, chill in thermal pools (it was a Nordic spa). Might be more manageable for her.

but it should like this is a needy aquantance, not a friend, maybe a movie marathon instead!

If she has form for missing planes, what evidence is there she will be OK anyway?

No Doris, all my holidays are planned out for the next five years. Who else could you ask? What about you joining a group holiday Doris? Etc etc