It’s becoming unfashionable to have kids

[Housebuyingfamily]

Birth rates are on the floor which people frame as, people would have more kids were it not for the cost of them or climate change, etc etc. But I feel like it’s now more than this. As if we have a global child-free culture that’s growing every day and it’s becoming increasingly “unfashionable” to have kids, even looked down upon.

Late to the party, but for me it's true. I've noticed in my group of friends so much so I considered starting a thread like this!
Lots of colleagues, friends, acquaintances of mine are childfree.
I think it's good.

I look at my child free friends yes with envy on their freedoms but also pity because half of their heart, their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

I pity you for the kind of life you must have had before children if this is how you feel, honestly. It sounds very sad. My (childfree) life is incredibly rich with all-encompassing love and new experiences and joy, though, so don't worry about your pals! I'm sure they're fine. You smug cow.

I am childless by circumstance and I am also an only child. I worry so much about being on my own in old age and dying alone. Threads like this end up really upsetting me.

Fertility is not a virtue, or a reward for any good behaviour, character, intelligence, or capacity to love. It is simply a card that is dealt.

No it’s not @WanOvaryKenobi , but I’m sure you understand that it can be scary to not have any close family at all? The poster is just being honest about how she feels.

I've worried about this too, but I used to work in a nursing home 30 odd years ago, when most of the elderly there had children. The majority might as well have had no family, for all they saw them, so it's not a guarantee the parents will be better off. Given how many posts I have seen in which adult children who have kids themselves see their parents as cash points and babysitters, with pensions they resent, I don't feel quite so bad.

Totally. Didn't mean to come across as dismissive. Apologies to @Starfish89

This in spades. I couldn’t have children, how dare anyone suggest I am emotionally stunted and unable to experience the world because of that. How patronising and how unbelievably superior and arrogant.

MEN

Aside from cost, climate change, AI, threats to my own body, impact on working etc etc men are a big issue - I would not want to be left a single mother. Look at this thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5146908-just-a-rant-about-how-blatantly-unfair-this-is-for-women

I look at my child free friends yes with envy on their freedoms but also pity because half of their heart, their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

Patronising horseshit like this is precisely why people without children often feel they are being asked to justify themselves.

I am actually embarrassed for you.

Argh

@Housebuyingfamily

It’s impossible to communicate to the child free in the same way I can’t tell you what seeing the colour red is like.

All I can try and say is having kids opens up an entire extra half of emotion and experience. I look at my child free friends yes with envy on their freedoms but also pity because half of their heart, their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

I have children - now grown, and this made me utterly cringe. Like a pp said - I feel embarrassed for you.

I don't envy childfree people - never have! I was one myself til my early 30s, so I know what being childfree is like! But I also don't pity them. Yes it's fine and lovely to have babies/children and they bring a lot of joy to peoples lives (along with a side order of stress, and a main course of spending a load of money!)

But there are plenty more things in life that people can enjoy apart from raising sproglets! Being a mother is wonderful (for me) but it's only part of who and what I am. Being a mother does not define me.

Anyway, to pity childfree people is just horrible and mean, and really just plain bloody daft! 😬

https://www.tiktok.com/@yomamathon/video/7398695710675193119

The post above and this one are all that the post above deserve.

See now I don't agree with the post you quoted, I think it's a very cynical and almost smug way for childfree people to look at people with children. But I also don't agree with your post either, I think anyone who feels pity for people who don't make the same life choices as they do are very narrowminded.

their human capacity to feel and experience the world will never be opened up.

This could be said about almost anything! I know the love that DH and I share is pretty spectacular. I also know that it's quite rare and some people may never experience the kind of "movie love" that we have.

But then the love I have for my kids is spectacular and I never knew you could love like that until my first dd was born.

Then we got our dog and I never knew I was capable of loving an animal as much as I love him.

Then my DSD had DGD and I never knew I could love another child I wasn't related to by blood as much as I love my kids. But, I do!

It's pretty condescending to tell childfree people they'll never experience love in the way a parent does.

Only in certain circles. I do think people also don't want to make the compromises that it requires to have a family (financial, social, career etc.) I see young people not wanting to give up their lifestyles, but not all, my dc want dc

It's only the West that's swapping family life for consumerism...

@Comedycook

People on low incomes past and present have children. It's not cost of living per se, it's an unwillingness to change standards of living I see with my dc's friends. They want to be carefree

Oh god, this is an exact description of my future. Absolutely dreading it and have felt suicidal at times over the life that lies ahead for me.

Kids are very unfashionable. Mine wear terrible trainers.

But to be fair, even if you had kids, they may not live near or be that bothered. I suspect once my eldest leaves home, he will rarely be in touch. Just like me and my parents. Nothing against my parents, we're just very different people. They have their lives, I have mine. We're a family happy in company and alone.

I suspect once my eldest leaves home, he will rarely be in touch

Why?! Aren't you upset by the thought of this? I'd be devastated

FFS. I've made compromises my entire adult life. I don't not have children so I can go on expensive holidays and drive fast cars.

I've spent years compromising my career to look after elderly parents (the siblings didn't bother because they have children and obviously that absolved them from any responsibilities ) )

It has sweet fa to do with wanting to 'maintain a lifestyle' and everything to do with the fact that I've never, ever wanted children. What would you have me do? Have a child just to prove I'm not a greedy, self centred, pitiable, miserable, dried out old crone?

The way some parents are posting on this thread - you'd think there are no children subject to abuse by the people who birthed them, because anyone who gives birth is a paragon of all the virtues, and on a pedestal above all others.

Even having family wont mean you have support.
Friends can be invaluable, and they are in your life out of choice... unlike family.

This made me laugh 😆

I saw a kid in town in a Spiderman onesie and wellies. I don't think that will catch on 😅