To be a 60+ female and fed up of assumptions.

[Waitfortheguinness]

I’m in my early 60s and a few times recently, for example during drs and dentist visits, it being assumed I’m living a life of Reilly and generally got all the time in the world?
I had to have a blood test recently, the nurse (probably mid 30s) was lovely and chatty whilst doing the do. Telling me all about her lovely days out with the kids as she only needs to work a couple of days a week etc. I was telling her how busy the traffic had been on my way to the appointment etc, etc. when we’d finished she said how lovely you can go back home now, put your feet up, and have a nice cuppa!
not bloody likely after here I’ve got to fight back through all the traffic to my office where I’m still working full time….and likely to be still doing that for the next 3-5 years, thanks..
a very similar scenario at the dentists too, along the lines “Ah,, well….a trip to the dentists…gets you out n about…better than sitting at home?”
bloody cheek…..both from people in their 30s!
Do you all seriously think we’re all ladies who swan about…doing lunch and spending our kids inheritance all day?
sorry, it’s just really peed me off…..
I had a laugh with my similar aged works colleague and we both agreed that a qualified nurse in her 30s who only needs to work a couple of days a week must’ve bagged herself a decent consultant hubby on a good salary 😂

similar age - went for an eye scan recently - the scanner operator said I have cataracts (two opticians have subsequently said v early, nothing to worry about for a good few years). My immediate response was 'only old people get that'; the look on the 30ish scanner operators face was a picture.

It gets worse OP as you get older: people automatically start assuming you must be somehow stupid/ don't understand anything/ aren't capable of doing anything just because of your age.

Tbh though I expect every generation gets stereotyped by other generations.

its always a pity when people don't see others as individuals rather just a job-lot with their peers.

I had a weird one at the dentist the other day.
I am 39 for context. He asked me what my plans were for the rest of the day 'Going back to work ' I replied.
'Oh. You work?!' He replied.
Thought that was odd.

I’m 60 and experience this occasionally but it’s worse when it’s friends or acquaintances
I was a lone parent from when DC were quite young and consequently always struggled with finances and improving my career as had no help
The area I live in is rural and quite middle class it’s more common for women to not work or only work PT - friends say “why don’t you just retire” especially if I say something like I’m tired or got to get up in the morning if I leave a social event before 11/12
I will be working full time for another 7 years and even then will have to carry on 2-3 days a week doing something to supplement my meagre pension
Ive just applied for a new consultancy role which I’m really excited about - the only response I got was - I don’t know why you bother! I think I need new friends!!!

If you have cataracts they need to develop to a certain point before they will operate ti remove. Thus happens slowly.

It's possible that you actually have nothing to worry about for a good few years.

Consultant told me this is a myth. Used to be told your cataracts had to “ripen” before removal. The lens is clouding and can be replaced on day 1 or day 101, the result will be the same.
I asked consultant when mine could be removed. When they’re impacting on your life he replied. They are now I said. The waiting list is still two years minimum here. ☹️

I'm in the same position: cataracts developing, one eye more developed than the other. First noticed by the optician 8 years ago and they still aren't ripe enough to be operated on and they aren't actually affecting my life much at all , as yet.

I had a laugh with my similar aged works colleague and we both agreed that a qualified nurse in her 30s who only needs to work a couple of days a week must’ve bagged herself a decent consultant hubby on a good salary 😂

Is that meant to be a joke? Because otherwise it's a bit pot/kettle. You've made a huge assumption about her there. There are loads of reasons she might work part time as a nurse. Maybe she cares for her disabled child. Maybe she has a passive income of her own. Maybe she inherited after losing someone important to her.

Tell me about it, got those types too and one is my sister who retired early, but only ever worked part time as her hubby had a good paying job. People are flabbergasted that we’ve still got a mortgage, for the next 2 years anyway - my partner and i got together in our 40s and had a child then. She’s forever suggesting we go away, usually last minute and during the week….just doesn’t get it when I say I can’t just take off, holidays from work have to be booked etc……
does my head in sometimes.

Yes it was a joke….quite obviously 🙄

Wait til you tell them they might not get to retire til they are in their 70s! (Pretty sure that's applying to me btw)

Bloody rude. Especially from someone who works part time themselves.

The first one, I've had that said to me after appointments in my 20s and 30s. It's just small talk.

@Hateam @Allthehorsesintheworld - yes I've seen two opticians subsequent to the original scan appointment, both said the impairment is extremely minor, and no action needed.
thanks

I was thinking this, despite being a lot closer to 60 than 30 myself! It sounds very much like something my own mother (who is a lot older than 60 and of the generation who got their state pension at 60 and in her case retired on a work pension early retirement scheme even earlier, only a couple of years older than I am now) would say!

My favourite was the razor sharp response given to one of my colleagues. He introduced himself in a sing song patronising voice to an older women as “Hello first name, I’m Dr X” and quick as a flash, she replied and said “In that case, I’m Professor Y”.

He was somewhat less patronising after that. Occupational hazard of working in Cambridge where it’s 50:50 as to whether your patients will be smarter and better qualified than you.

It wasn't obvious. None of us know you or your sense of humour and you said nothing to indicate this was a fabrication and not something you actually did. I wasn't the only person who picked up on it.

What’s worse, imv, is hearing people refer to a very elderly person as “young man” or “young lady”. It’s so patronising but they just can’t see that. They’re literally calling attention to the fact that the person is old.

It was implied in the context of the post. Maybe you should try looking less for offence

I said something along the line that we both had a laugh, indicating a joke?
besides I was the one who actually had the conversation with the nurse and she was quite open in saying that she didn’t have to work so only did this as a type of hobby, to keep her hand in (her words)….so I may have assumed that it was actually her that is living a life of Reilly. Best of luck to her whatever, she was very good at what she did!
.

it was obvious it was a joke to me. She opened the anecdote with ‘ me and my colleagues had a laugh’ and ended with the crying with laughter emoji, which removed all doubt really.

Fair enough. It came across to me that you were laughing at her, having decided that the only possibility was that she had "bagged" a rich husband (mostly because that's exactly what you said). No idea what the punchline of the "joke" is otherwise 🤷

Nah not looking for offense, or remotely offended. It just leapt out at me as a bit hypocritical when the (actually offended) OP was complaining about people making assumptions about her.

This is a totally trivial derailment and not worth spending any time discussing anyway so I shall leave you all to it.

I'm 62 and that has never happened to me although some of the youngsters at work sometimes assume I'm not as dedicated to the job as they are because I'm retiring in a few years.
I soon dissuade them of that idea and they never dare mention it again.
I probably look super laid back because I know the job inside out after 40 plus years and don't get in a flap - it's medical. I'm actually not planning to retire until my 70's.

Yup! I particularly enjoy having anything technical explained to me very kindly and simply, because - as a grey haired old lady - I couldn't possibly understand.

They don't have to worsen to a certain point to be done, that's just a choice the NHS makes. Mine aren't bad enough to qualify for NHS surgery but are bothering me, so I'm going private. My optician said there's no advantage whatsoever in waiting until it gets worse and no reason not to do it sooner.