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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to invite my friends waste of space bf to my wedding

70 replies

eeleeee · 18/08/2024 10:29

She has been dating him for a couple of months, he is a walking red flag!

We are just about to send out wedding invites but i don't want him there!!

We are having a smaller than usual wedding to keep costs down but not micro so i cant really say just friends and family as others are bringing their partners bur they're all serious not like a 2 minute thing....

How do i do this

OP posts:
quickturtle · 18/08/2024 10:30

If she asks just say you'd planned numbers before she got with him and you'll let her know if there's a space nearer the day.

goingdownfighting · 18/08/2024 10:30

Just don't invite him. If she pushes, say you'll see nearer the time. 2 months is too short to be a plus one.

soupfiend · 18/08/2024 10:31

When is the wedding, presumably they will break up before then?

Boxina · 18/08/2024 10:32

YANBU to not want to, but you still have to as it's rude otherwise and she will be really hurt.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 18/08/2024 10:32

The thing is, if you're happy to issue plus ones, can you really police who your guests bring? Would you even know in advance who anyone else's plus ones were going to be?

Was does 'walking red flag' mean specifically? Is he likely to ruin your wedding by attending?

Nonononoway · 18/08/2024 10:32

Say you’re having a small wedding and need to keep numbers/costs down. He can’t come, sorry. It really is best, in the future you will kick yourself to see his red flag face in your wedding photos, after they split.

101Kittens · 18/08/2024 10:32

Just don't put a plus one on her invite, invitations might not have been written before she met the boyfriend but the guest list was.

I was a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding and my boyfriend at the time wasn't invited, had been with him a few months by then but wasn't with him when we started dress fittings etc. Wedding budgets are set early on.

burnoutbabe · 18/08/2024 10:33

You need we to find some bar that allows others to have partners and not her.

Ie living together? Engaged/married?

And be consistent. Hopefully that means others also come alone.

She may get annoyed. So invite him to the evening if needed?

(Assuming it's also not abroad so she'd be traveling alone and on her own for ages /knows no one but you at the wedding)

It's not ideal but better you enjoy the wedding than don't enjoy it.

Chamomileteaplease · 18/08/2024 10:34

Have the invitation just for her. Say nothing about it.

Then, if she asks, say you don't have enough places for boyfriends of two months duration.

If she pushes say you don't like him and don't want him present on a day which is meant to be special for you🙂.

How long till the wedding?

Pussycat22 · 18/08/2024 10:35

Boxina, rubbish it is HER wedding day and she shouldn't put up with people she doesn't want at it.

Original poster
eeleeee · 18/08/2024 10:35

@JabbaTheBeachHut it's not about him ruining my wedding I just don't want someone like that at my wedding.

Someone i feel is using my friend and pulling the wool over her eyes

OP posts:
rayofsunshine86 · 18/08/2024 10:37

It's fine not to invite him. If she asks, just tell her numbers are sorted and they've only been together two minutes.

Enjoy your wedding!

Charlieeeeee · 18/08/2024 10:38

Be honest with her!

Sweetteaplease · 18/08/2024 10:39

Will he be disruptive or anything like that? If not, I'd just invite him if you think your friend would want that (will she be the only one there without a partner and not know anyone?)

BanksysSprayCan · 18/08/2024 10:40

Make the invitation just for her. if she asks, just say that numbers were already finalised way ahead, and it is not possible to add a plus one. Don’t make it personal to him.

fedupoftheheatnow · 18/08/2024 10:42

Use the numbers reason but don't let it be known to her the real reason cause you'll just push her closer to him if she thinks you're judging her choice.

Gymmum82 · 18/08/2024 10:46

He wasn’t factored in to the numbers when you were planning the wedding. You’ll see if there’s a space if anyone drops out closer to the time

AhBiscuits · 18/08/2024 10:47

Don't name him, just give her a +1. They'll have probably broken up by then.

Gowlett · 18/08/2024 10:51

Once he sees an invitation with both their nabes in it, he’ll dump her. Happened to me more than once with new boyfriends!

Toddlerteaplease · 18/08/2024 10:56

It's reasonable not to invite short term partners. Personally I won't have any partners, unless I know them well at my wedding. Should I ever have one.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 18/08/2024 10:57

eeleeee · 18/08/2024 10:35

@JabbaTheBeachHut it's not about him ruining my wedding I just don't want someone like that at my wedding.

Someone i feel is using my friend and pulling the wool over her eyes

Ok well this changes it a bit for me, as I thought you were going to say he'll turn up pissed and start a fight or something.

If it's just the fact you don't like him, I think trying to police her relationship will cause a massive row and make you look as though you're using your wedding, to stand as judge and jury.

Just be prepared for any fallout you may cause.

Otherwise just accept she's dating someone you don't like.

Onelifeonly · 18/08/2024 11:01

You don't invite what might be a casual bf. I've been in that situation where my bf was not invited as he was too recent and they had barely met him. I noticed but I understood (they didn't explain).

I also have my own wedding photos of a friend I've long lost contact with - not bothered by that, he was quite prominent in my life - but his then girlfriend was just one from a long list and she didn't last long, though I had expected she would. The photo reminds me of her hinting to him at the time of their possible wedding...

Mrsjayy · 18/08/2024 11:03

quickturtle · 18/08/2024 10:30

If she asks just say you'd planned numbers before she got with him and you'll let her know if there's a space nearer the day.

This, say this the numbers are made up now you don't have to say anything else.

soupfiend · 18/08/2024 11:07

eeleeee · 18/08/2024 10:35

@JabbaTheBeachHut it's not about him ruining my wedding I just don't want someone like that at my wedding.

Someone i feel is using my friend and pulling the wool over her eyes

Thats ridiculous, sorry but you dont know what dynamics are going on in other peoples relationships either or how they are treating each other, its not for you to police realtionships.

If he was going to do something inappropriate at the wedding, yes, but just not 'approving' of him - no

CosmicDaisyChain · 18/08/2024 11:09

eeleeee · 18/08/2024 10:35

@JabbaTheBeachHut it's not about him ruining my wedding I just don't want someone like that at my wedding.

Someone i feel is using my friend and pulling the wool over her eyes

But if the wedding isn't until next year then she won't have been with him 2 minutes.