To not want to invite my friends waste of space bf to my wedding

[eeleeee]

She has been dating him for a couple of months, he is a walking red flag!

We are just about to send out wedding invites but i don't want him there!!

We are having a smaller than usual wedding to keep costs down but not micro so i cant really say just friends and family as others are bringing their partners bur they're all serious not like a 2 minute thing....

How do i do this

When's the wedding?
If it's not until next year, you can't really use the "he's a new boyfriend" if he's still around.
Send her a +1, then she can decide to bring someone else if he's no longer in the scene or if she would prefer not to bring him.
I think it would be mean to invite her solo if all your other friends with partners are both being invited.

Have you talked to her about his behaviour and given her a sense that maybe he should be put back... Sounds like it would be helpful, she might be in the dazzled and doubting her instincts stage and benefit from someone she trusts questioning if his behaviour is ok.

That convo would give you a good idea what to do next/create a platform for the no invite

Or as a pp put it.. be honest with her.

He isn't your friend, he is her friend. You only want YOUR friends at your wedding.

While I completely understand why you wouldn’t want him there and that you are unhappy with the relationship due to concerns for your friend, I personally would say this is the reason to invite him.

If he is a walking red flag, and you are worried he is using your friend, are you also worried he may be abusive or controlling? If so, your friend may be isolated from her friends and family as perpetrators can sense disapproval and cut friends and family off.

If you genuinely have space, add a plus one (as if they have broken up by then, someone else can come). She could also choose if she wishes bring him or not, as long as he doesn’t see the invite and assume. If he does come, at least she is going to be there and you are in her life, and so if it does all go pear shaped, she feels able to confide in you.

I invited two friends to my wedding without a plus one. One I had never met her boyfriend in 2 years of dating. The other one broke up with her boyfriend that I had invited and she had a new man by the time the wedding rolled around. The one whose partner I had never met didn’t come to the wedding, probably more money related than not inviting her boyfriend. They’ve now been married 15 years and I still haven’t met him. The other friend came without her new at the time boyfriend. I think she understood and didn’t question not getting an invite for him. They are now married and my hubby & I were both invited to their wedding, so I don’t think there was any lingering resentment.

Just invite your friend. As long as you’re not giving other people + 1s to other guests it should be fine.

Invite just her, explain you'd finalised the numbers before they were an item and of course if you get any drop outs you'll let him come. Then work with your DH to be and fill her table with as many eligible but really nice bachelors as you can find. Even if you don't know them that well/haven't kept in touch since Uni/college.

This depends on how much you value your friendship.

If other friends get their other halves invited, she will be hurt. You either suck it up or risk losing a friend. Decide what from that what you want. A wedding a one day.

I think it's when people became totally self centred and selfish.

It is so rude not to invite someone's partner. I didn't go to my cousin's wedding because they didn't invite my fiancé.

Yes, it's very Bridezilla.

Is she going to vet all the plus ones in case she's not keen on them?

We had a married couples only policy. I wasn’t having random partners that probably weren’t even going to be together in a few years time in my photos.

This is hilarious! 🤣🤣

Did you also impose a divorce ban on all your married guests, in case it ruins your photo album?

don't do this. Invite the people you want to invite. Don't make excuses don't give her ANY hope that you may find room for him.

Just be firm: small wedding, limited to your good friends and family.

And leave it at that.

and not this either.

It is your wedding. Invite who you want, leave out those you don't want. It really is that simple. You do not have to have anyone there you don't want to be there.

The thing is that if you do have space and you don't have an obvious rule like you know everyone else's partners really well AND if your friend is a good one, you could well make her feel as though you don't value her as much. Sometimes I'd err on the side of inviting a partner because I like the friend.

If you've got lots of similar friends (ie who know each other) coming and others will be coming on their own, that's better but otherwise she'll feel stuck on her own.

Say that you'd already done the numbers last month and so just invited her for now , but say you'll let her know when you have family replies if you can add another on. Try make light of it and then see in a few months if they are still together (but don't tell her that)

if OP doesn't want this person there, it is utterly batshit to give her friend any hope that he may be included.

Either OP makes it clear that her friend is invited on her own, or she invites the undesireable right from the get go and learns to live with it. I know what i'd do, but I don't tend to be wishy-washy with my own parties.

My DH caused trouble at my sister’s wedding.
i asked him multiple times if wanted to go, and fine if he didn’t, as I knew… Wish I’d left him at home!
Go with your gut feeling on this, it’s your wedding day.

The trouble with 'no ring, no bring' is that this could exclude couples who've maybe been together longer than the B&G, possibly have children together, simply because they haven't made their relationship legal. You'd have to be careful there.

A wedding invite isn't the place to make a passive-aggressive statement on your opinion of her relationship. I'd give her a +1 and the chances are they will have split up by then anyway.

I think it’s fine to not invite him- just say you’d already done tour guest list/seating plan. Paid for a certain amount of heads or whatever, before she met him. The fact tneyve only been together two months makes this easier for you, than if they’d been together two years.

I met my boyfriend in May (three years ago) and introduced him to my friends in the July. The literal night I introduced him to my friends, one of the girls was handing out her wedding invites (for her wedding in the November- we’d already had saved the dates months before.
As she handed me mine, she looked at my boyfriend awkwardly and said “argh I’m sorry, I wish you guys had met sooner, we’d already done the guest list and given the venue numbers!” And it was absolutely fine with us. I didn’t even consider it to be offensive. We’d been together such a short amount of time that it never crossed my mind he WOULD be invited. Since then two other friends from the group have got married and he’s been invited to those, and he is now a firm member of the group who everyone loves. But my point being, when he didn’t get invited to that early wedding, we really didn’t mind and totally got it, and I imagine your friend would too!

This is a whole other story but there is a guy in our friendship group and we all can’t stand his girlfriend. They’ve been together six years and she wasn’t invited to one of the weddings and even though it was fair of the bride and groom, that one got VERY awkward 🙈