Fed up with dh and sex life

[sunshinesusan853]

Posted about this before and ultimately I know it's a situation that can't be fully rectified unless I LTB which I can't right now for many reasons so I guess I'm looking for ways to improve or at least accept the situation.

Dh is 50 I am 36. He uses Viagra for ED. We have a young child and we are both knackered. But been on holiday recently and sex was basically non existent mostly because he drank too much and fell asleep early.

His idea of a sex life is booking in sex once or twice a month and getting it done as soon as dc is in bed at around 6/7pm. He isnt a fan of bedtime sex because he's too tired by then and on edge because dc occasionally comes into our room at night.

I'm so sick of having my sex life limited to designated times and days. I've tried to understand and I get that he needs to prepare by taking a Viagra but fuck me it's so unsexy. On holiday recently I just wanted to do it at night and getting rebuffed because he was too pissed and tired is depressing as fuck.

He's a good husband and father. We have a nice life. But the sex is all on his terms and I'm sick of it. There have been times recently where I haven't felt like it immediately after putting dc to bed so I've said no but then it feels like another missed opportunity. Should it really be this difficult?

If he used Cialis rather than Viagra there wouldn’t be the same time limits. It lasts all day and into the next.

I really feel for OP with many of these tone-deaf replies. It’s completely reasonable not to want to break up your marriage and family to someone you love because of an issue you can see solutions to and you see others overcome. OP is allowed to want that for her and her DH and she’s allowed to ask for help.

OP, this isn’t really about his age or sex at its core – it’s about him not demonstrating that your needs are important and making the effort to take them seriously, even if he is unable, as yet, to physically meet them. You need him to show up for your marriage and to show you it’s an issue he cares about fixing. Going to the GP, stopping drinking, researching other options, talking to you about other options. Not ignoring the problem and ignoring how you feel about it. Since this is firstly a behavioural problem and secondly a physical one, I would seek marriage counselling so you have the opportunity to feel fully heard and validated and so he has the opportunity to raise his consciousness about what it means to show up in his marriage.

Putting a lock on the door isn't necessarily the solution as then you'll have a child banging on it wanting to be let in. Not conducive.

ED can affect any man at any age, my dh struggled with it in his 30s and 40s, now in his 50s it has totally resolved, he no longer needs viagra. But it made him feel terribly ashamed and it was hard on our relationship at times. OP I suggest counselling for the two of you to really explore your feelings and improve communication on this issue.

Prostate issues are very common at this age.

To those obsessing over the age of OP's partner; my partner is younger than me and has used viagra since he was in his 20s because he gets too in his own head about performing and it kills his mojo. It's really not uncommon. That said, we have never had to schedule sex because of this. He pops a pill and we get cosy and start kissing and cuddling and he does nice things to me until it kicks in. He had to take it the first time we ever had sex and I had no idea because it interfered with things so little! I don't think all the pleasure and spontaneity has to be sucked out of sex because of this issue and men can still get horny without getting or maintaining an erection. I think OP's problem goes deeper than this on a relationship and intimacy level and that's why she's upset.

How can he be spontaneous if he has to take a pill a certain time beforehand?

The age thing is irrelevant when he has the attitude he has.

I would leave.