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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strange family member.

65 replies

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:00

Okay, this is going to be strange and weird I apologise..

So my God son ( my first cousin) messaged me today and asked me if I knew about an explicit photo of me taken at his soon to be wife's hen, the photo in question is a group photo where me (and others) flashed their breasts to the camera, it was a joke photo and I didn't realise it was being shown to my cousin ect because only the bride has it. My husband knows about this picture as I told him (he hasn't seen it)

He then becomes extremely creepy and weird telling me how sexy I am, how fit he has always found me, how sexy my breasts are. I text him back saying WTF to be honest i was so taken back, I'm in shock still. He then messages me asking me to send him nudes behind my husbands back and that he won't tell anyone. This is my first cousin 🤮 I instantly told my husband and while I was telling my husband he messaged me saying he was currently taking drugs (cocaine) I told him to stop messaging me this as its extremely inappropriate and disgusting and that I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable. I've ignored him since then, he keep messaging me asking me if I'm going to tell anyone and if we're okay. I've ignored.

So am I being unreasonable to tell my uncle to get my cousin some help (he's in his 30's) for his drugs taking.
Or should i just leave it, im seriously in two minds because this will cause a huge family rift as this side of the family are extremely proud and very high and mighty and I'm not particularly close to them (dad's side)

Thank you

OP posts:
Branleuse · 17/08/2024 21:03

Block him. I would have nothing more to do with him.

Catandsquirrel · 17/08/2024 21:06

Don't involve the whole family off the bat, just let his fiancée know so she can decide what she wants to do. He sounds awful

Deipara · 17/08/2024 21:06

I would never be able to be around him again. Eugh.

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/08/2024 21:07

You should've blocked him after the first message.

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:07

Branleuse · 17/08/2024 21:03

Block him. I would have nothing more to do with him.

Yeah I'm going to have too, I have a extreme vulnerable daughter I couldn't trust him around her.

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 17/08/2024 21:07

And yes, block.

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:09

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/08/2024 21:07

You should've blocked him after the first message.

He was messaging me very quickly like these were all different texts 1 min apart.

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:10

Deipara · 17/08/2024 21:06

I would never be able to be around him again. Eugh.

I know absolutely foul. I can't face him. I have anxiety and i know I could never face him again

OP posts:
Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:14

Catandsquirrel · 17/08/2024 21:06

Don't involve the whole family off the bat, just let his fiancée know so she can decide what she wants to do. He sounds awful

She's so lovely aswell. She's so kind and thoughtful. Bless her

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 17/08/2024 21:21

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:14

She's so lovely aswell. She's so kind and thoughtful. Bless her

Show quote history

Then let her know what she's marrying

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/08/2024 21:22

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:09

He was messaging me very quickly like these were all different texts 1 min apart.

Show quote history

Instead of sending replies, I would've used that time to block him.

Original poster
LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:24

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/08/2024 21:22

Instead of sending replies, I would've used that time to block him.

Show quote history

He's is blocked..

OP posts:
TomeTome · 17/08/2024 21:29

Do kind lovely people share topless photos of their friends?

KreedKafer · 17/08/2024 21:31

Block your cousin; he’s a horrible fucking creep.

So am I being unreasonable to tell my uncle to get my cousin some help (he's in his 30's) for his drugs taking

He’s a grown man. This has nothing to do with your uncle; your uncle isn’t responsible for his 30-something son being a coke head.

She's so lovely aswell. She's so kind and thoughtful. Bless her

Although not kind and thoughtful enough to keep a photo of all her friends’ boobs private, apparently?

beautifultrama · 17/08/2024 21:34

I actually would tell the family what a fucking insestual creep he is.. and the soon to be wife. Screenshot everything.

Stichintime · 17/08/2024 21:38

They both sound odd, but so do the hens who joined in.

MyBreezyPombear · 17/08/2024 21:40

Screenshot, block and then send the screenshots to his fiancee so she knows the kind of man she's about to marry.

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2024 21:41

I'd send the messages to his wife to be. Say you hope she's ok and it's her choice what she wants to do but you want her to have all the facts. Tell her you have blocked him and want nothing more to do with him.

It's up to you what you tell extended family. I don't know if I would feel comfortable telling his parents

StaunchMomma · 17/08/2024 22:14

All the people criticising you for not blocking him off the bat - he's your Godson, FFS! I'm sure you were more than a tad shocked!

I'm really glad you showed your husband and hope you screenshotted the messages before blocking him. If he's shitting himself that you're going to spill, he may go on the attack and try to put the blame on you.

I think you should let your DH deal with him (verbally, I mean). I wouldn't blame you if you never spoke to the creep again.

I do think you have to let the fiance know, though. If he's prepared to make a pass at his Godmother, you can guarantee he's being inappropriate elsewhere.

Christ, what a vile thing to happen, and from such a sickening source!!

I get why you would be hesitant to whip up a family drama but don't go out of your way to protect the little shit either, OP.

Bellaboo01 · 17/08/2024 22:18

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:00

Okay, this is going to be strange and weird I apologise..

So my God son ( my first cousin) messaged me today and asked me if I knew about an explicit photo of me taken at his soon to be wife's hen, the photo in question is a group photo where me (and others) flashed their breasts to the camera, it was a joke photo and I didn't realise it was being shown to my cousin ect because only the bride has it. My husband knows about this picture as I told him (he hasn't seen it)

He then becomes extremely creepy and weird telling me how sexy I am, how fit he has always found me, how sexy my breasts are. I text him back saying WTF to be honest i was so taken back, I'm in shock still. He then messages me asking me to send him nudes behind my husbands back and that he won't tell anyone. This is my first cousin 🤮 I instantly told my husband and while I was telling my husband he messaged me saying he was currently taking drugs (cocaine) I told him to stop messaging me this as its extremely inappropriate and disgusting and that I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable. I've ignored him since then, he keep messaging me asking me if I'm going to tell anyone and if we're okay. I've ignored.

So am I being unreasonable to tell my uncle to get my cousin some help (he's in his 30's) for his drugs taking.
Or should i just leave it, im seriously in two minds because this will cause a huge family rift as this side of the family are extremely proud and very high and mighty and I'm not particularly close to them (dad's side)

Thank you

Don't involve the whole family.

I have never taken drugs but, i know that people do this sometimes recreationally. No need to tell 'his Dad'!!

It sounds mega creepy. Just ignore and block him. I assume you are a fair bit older than him as you are his GodParent (my first cousin is also my GodParent and she is 15 years older than me, which is very unusual to have a GodParent that young generally).

All flashing your breasts to the camera and having it photographed to me sounds odd but, i would expect it to be passed around if i decided to do it.

Bellaboo01 · 17/08/2024 22:22

LivingMyBestAnxietyLife · 17/08/2024 21:00

Okay, this is going to be strange and weird I apologise..

So my God son ( my first cousin) messaged me today and asked me if I knew about an explicit photo of me taken at his soon to be wife's hen, the photo in question is a group photo where me (and others) flashed their breasts to the camera, it was a joke photo and I didn't realise it was being shown to my cousin ect because only the bride has it. My husband knows about this picture as I told him (he hasn't seen it)

He then becomes extremely creepy and weird telling me how sexy I am, how fit he has always found me, how sexy my breasts are. I text him back saying WTF to be honest i was so taken back, I'm in shock still. He then messages me asking me to send him nudes behind my husbands back and that he won't tell anyone. This is my first cousin 🤮 I instantly told my husband and while I was telling my husband he messaged me saying he was currently taking drugs (cocaine) I told him to stop messaging me this as its extremely inappropriate and disgusting and that I'm feeling extremely uncomfortable. I've ignored him since then, he keep messaging me asking me if I'm going to tell anyone and if we're okay. I've ignored.

So am I being unreasonable to tell my uncle to get my cousin some help (he's in his 30's) for his drugs taking.
Or should i just leave it, im seriously in two minds because this will cause a huge family rift as this side of the family are extremely proud and very high and mighty and I'm not particularly close to them (dad's side)

Thank you

Why is it relevant that your 'husband knows about the picture' - He isn't your keeper!!

Noseybookworm · 17/08/2024 22:30

Oh God this is grim 😟 I wouldn't involve your Uncle but I'd definitely want nothing more to do with him which is probably going to need explaining at some point as people in your family are going to notice 😬

CubistViolin · 17/08/2024 22:35

TomeTome · 17/08/2024 21:29

Do kind lovely people share topless photos of their friends?

Yes, how did the creep get hold of the photo if not from the ‘lovely’ bride ? To be honest, OP, it was dopey to let someone take a topless photo of you in a world of mobiles, image sharing and the internet. Assume Noth8ng is seen only by a single person.

forgotmypassagain · 17/08/2024 22:39

He’s a creep - block.

tell the wife but also ask her why the fuck she was showing people!?

also, don’t take topless pics on someone else’s phone. They leave you vulnerable to this kind of thing

lilyathena · 17/08/2024 22:53

I'm not sure that I feel as clear about this as some of the other responses. If I look back at my 20s I did some crazy things despite leading a generally pretty sensible life, and when someone has had a mad night taking substances that send them on a crazy pathway, it doesn't necessarily mean they are on a permanent path of debauchery and abuse. That is not to say I don't think his messages are vile and inappropriate, but I don't think you are in a position to judge whether it is a one off crazy night or a problematic habit. Personally I'd say block him but I really wouldn't escalate this to speak to his partner and father. If he has a serious drug habit it wouldn't take a partner too long to realise that something is amiss. (Probably easier to pick that up than realise a partner is a serial womaniser with sexist views, for example). Sorry you have had to experience this wierd stuff - just have been very upsetting and unsettling. If you want to challenge it then I'd challenge it with the man himself, at a time when he is of sound mind. Presumably he will squirm and need to apologise profusely. If not then you're in a more informed place to decide to escalate it.