Shouted at my sick child

[Newmama93]

I’m solo tonight as husband is away, toddler got a temp this morning (3.5 yrs) and has wanted me allll day, I have a teething 8 month old so someone’s been upset all day on and off. My toddler got really sick as the day went on and as I put my baby down he started screaming, his throat was obviously sore and he was very hot and felt like crap but he wouldnt stop, on the 4th wake of the baby I just absolutely lost it, I don’t recognise myself, I have been crying for 30 minutes apologising to him. I’m mainly so upset I’ve shouted when all his done is cry from his pain. I shouted that the police were coming to get him and very loudly said JUST STOP IT as I banged my hands on the couch, I don’t know why police came to my head it’s because I so so desperately needed him to stop in that moment or my baby would be fully back awake and I wouldn’t be able to help him so I was just Grasping at straws, trying anything I could to get it to stop. I imeediately told him that weren’t coming (he didn’t even register o said that) but I’m so horrified I screamed at him when he’s just genuinely sick, the pressure and both kids screams just overwhelmed me. I’ve never ever lost it like this at him I feel like I may have issues to get so so angry for just shouting.

looking for a slap in the face? Therapy recommendations or some reassurance I’m not totally alone?

You fucked up. You are a human. Apologise to him and explain that you were wrong. Love him extra hard.

Don’t beat yourself. You’re on your knees with sleep deprivation.

It’s natural for kids to want their mummy when they are not well. Snuggle on the sofa/bed with plenty of drinks. Hope you have calpol/nurofen for kids.

💐

I’ve given him medicine. Fuck it’s hard when the baby needs me to hold him but toddler is sick and needs me too. I just got overwhelmed with not being able to be there for anyone and screamed. He was trying to hard to be quiet in the end. This guilt is making me stomach turn.

thank you

Oh OP we've all been there and done and said things we regret when we are sleeping deprived and overwhelmed. Do you have someone who could come over and support you?

I shouted that the police were coming to get him and very loudly said JUST STOP IT as I banged my hands on the couch

Christ that is horrible. Poor, poor child. How is he meant to learn to trust the police as people who can help him (or you for that!)

The fact you feel terrible is lesson enough. There is no way you will lose control like that again. Consider some parenting classes if you feel you can’t cope, or just count to 20 and walk out the room.

I know, I don’t know why at all I would say that I just so desperately was trying to get him to just be quiet for a minute so my baby would go back to sleep and I could be there with him. I got it so so wrong and if I could give all the money in my bank to take it back I would

Why is your husband not there???

You are not totally alone! Give yourself a break op. Shouting isn’t ideal particularly when your toddler is ill, but you know that and have apologised.

You are in the parenting trenches atm, on reduced sleep, with your dh away.

We’ve all been through times when we’ve shouted or been irritated by our dc. Especially during the baby and toddler years. The demands can be overwhelming.

How long is your dh away for? Is he away a lot? Do you have any family or friends you can call over to give you a bit more support?

Use this incident as a learning moment. If it all gets too much again, you can just walk out of the room and breathe for a few minutes.

And next time your dh is away maybe arrange to have a trusted baby-sitter come over during the day so you get a couple of hours break?

Do you ever get to go away and leave the two dc with your dh? If not, I would highly recommend it. Book in to your local Premier Inn. Not only do you get a full night’s sleep but also your dh gets to experience what it is like looking after the two of them alone overnight.

We had a wedding that was 3 hours away and I decided not to go as can’t leave baby overnight yet. It’s his close friend so he is going and obviously doesn’t want to drive home at 11pm. He has no reception as it’s on a farm so is unaware he’s unwell etc

It happens you don’t need parenting classes (fgs) just a break and some sleep I bet!

Oh fuck off!

What time is it where you are OP?

Have you got pain relief in for both DC and sine food and drinks for you all?

I feel I was out of line with my reaction. I’m getting so overwhelmed since having the two and not being able to meet anyone’s needs

Is there anyone who could come and help you today...even if they just take baby for a walk round the block?

If not, stick on the TV, settle down on the sofa with both of them, lots of snacks and drinks...or order a take away for yourself. Make the day as easy as possible...sod the housework!

Is there anyone who can come help you today OP? Grandparents maybe or friends? It’s hard looking after 2 young children especially when one is unwell and it may just be that if you can have an extra pair of hands for even an hour or two so you can have a cup of coffee and a wee in peace will be the little reset you need to get you through it.

My best friends and I mostly all have young kids and have a “SOS” if we are ever solo parenting and struggling! If any of us text the SOS then at least one or two of us will reply, go past McDonalds and Starbucks and then go round to the house and all pitch in for the day. It gives a tired mum a chance to have a break, it’s an extra pair of hands for anything needed, it’s a chat so you don’t feel so overwhelmed and alone, and some comfort food and a hot coffee while someone who isn’t so sleep deprived rocks your baby to sleep. Maybe sounds silly to some but there’s a reason they say it takes a village to raise these tiny humans- motherhood is hard, don’t be afraid to lean on help! X

Sorry but if it was a man behaving like that with a sick toddler and an infant, people would be saying get those kids to a place of safety.

We all fuck up. Let it go. No perminent damage done.

Apologise once - mummy is tired. Don’t go on - it’s unnerving for him.

Shove him in front of the telly if you can. And make everything as easy on yourself as you can. Just get through it and remember it will all pass.

Really judgemental response from @otravezempezamos. How to kick someone when they down....

We are not meant to thrive properly when looking after 2 very small and sick children. This is 100% the time to call in some help. Ask a friend to come round for a couple of hours. Or ask someone to take baby out in the pram.

Eh. I’d refrain from talk of the police, but kids have to learn by these experiences that they can’t always get exactly what they want exactly when they want it and to the detriment of others, even when they’re unwell.

Regulation of emotion is a long game, but in my opinion these experiences compound to teach them that they will be chastised if they repeatedly can’t follow requests and instructions.

Been there, done that. You recognise that it was wrong, you apologised. Don't best yourself up about it OP.

It's so hard when you are on your own. I find that noise triggers me if I'm tired, hungry or thirsty so make sure you've eaten or had a drink. Deep breaths!!

We have all done it! We're human and our patience isn't endless. Please don't beat yourself up. You do not need parenting classes (I've no idea why someone would suggest that - seems OTT).

Well only the people that say LTB at everything. People like drama*

I am the last person to say Be Kind should be a life philosophy - but don’t kick a woman when she’s down - it makes you look like a dick, and doesn’t help her or her kid.

She fucked up, she just needs to apologise and not do it again.

** a bit like you, blaming the OP for a loss of trust in the Police. Even the met admit that’s their fault.

This is an intelligent and thoughtful arrangement. Well done to you and your friends.

I don't know many men who are stuck at home looking after a sick baby and toddler on their own because their wife has gone off to attend a wedding