Shouted at my sick child

[Newmama93]

I’m solo tonight as husband is away, toddler got a temp this morning (3.5 yrs) and has wanted me allll day, I have a teething 8 month old so someone’s been upset all day on and off. My toddler got really sick as the day went on and as I put my baby down he started screaming, his throat was obviously sore and he was very hot and felt like crap but he wouldnt stop, on the 4th wake of the baby I just absolutely lost it, I don’t recognise myself, I have been crying for 30 minutes apologising to him. I’m mainly so upset I’ve shouted when all his done is cry from his pain. I shouted that the police were coming to get him and very loudly said JUST STOP IT as I banged my hands on the couch, I don’t know why police came to my head it’s because I so so desperately needed him to stop in that moment or my baby would be fully back awake and I wouldn’t be able to help him so I was just Grasping at straws, trying anything I could to get it to stop. I imeediately told him that weren’t coming (he didn’t even register o said that) but I’m so horrified I screamed at him when he’s just genuinely sick, the pressure and both kids screams just overwhelmed me. I’ve never ever lost it like this at him I feel like I may have issues to get so so angry for just shouting.

looking for a slap in the face? Therapy recommendations or some reassurance I’m not totally alone?

I guess you have never made an error of judgement or lost your temper in your life. I hope that when you do, and you're full of guilt and in need of a kind word, you don't run into a Judgy McJudgeface like you.

Just ignore the shamers op. Mums get frazzled. I’d stop apologising as that is probably a bit stressing for him too. Say it once and clearly then let it go.
Is there a dvd he would watch to give you a break. Usually Calpol, an ice lolly and a dvd will quiet them for half an hour!

It sounds like this particular situation pushed you past a limit you didn’t know you had. When our reaction is way over what the situation warrants, there is often something going on deeper and that’s something that could be worth exploring with a therapist.

Alternatively you can learn from this and as pp have suggested make sure you don’t get into a similar situation again, e.g. get in support so you don’t feel so overwhelmed.

The odds are you will find yourself in a situation again where you feel overwhelmed and like you can’t meet everyone’s needs, I think this comes with the territory of motherhood. So it might be worth exploring how you can sit with that feeling and not have an outburst like that again.

How unpleasant

Oh bless you.

We all snap occasionally. If you didn't massively regret it THEN there would be something wrong, but you clearly do. You're overwhelmed and overstimulated.

Don't move from the sofa with the kids unless you have to. Get cups/bottles and snacks and stay there.

I can definitely relate. It's like when they are coughing all night and you can't sleep and just want to shout 'just stop coughing', yet intellectually know they can't.

It is impossible to parent without cocking it up sometimes - no-one has managed it (although some people here reckon they have)

You say sorry, hug your toddler and then carry on. I love the arrangement above for SOS from friends/family. If not then it's cbeebies and snack food all the way - your DH can catch up on the housework when he gets back (or you might prefer to give him both children instead).

Please forgive yourself. It was a one off. Most of us will have done something similar at some point along the way. Your toddler will not remember this. They will remember how much you love and take care of them. You’re human 💐

Oh, you're human lovely. Everyone has a limit and you obviously reached yours. Didn't handle it the greatest but you're human, we all make mistakes. Just love him extra hard, apologise and make sure you get some you time when your OH comes back. Is there anyone you can call on just to have some support and another pair of hands to help? Don't beat yourself up about it x

Non stop whinging and crying kids are really hard work, they should be used as a torture method becuase it does make you lose your mind.

Give yourself a break, they won't remember this or need therapy when they're older for a grumpy outburst you've had when pulled to your limits.

Have a big duvet day with some hugs with both of them. 💓 ignore PPs trying to lay on more Mum guilt, we carry too much as it is.

Your just on your knees with exhaustion. Don't cry, he'll only have heard the shouting and not the words and any further upset from you will just be upsetting to him. I shouted in my 3 year olds face when he and his brother were sick and I had a newborn, and felt like shit after the birth- I was just on the edge of my reason with the situation and have done nothing like it before or since.

Move on. Easy day - get a takeaway, watch movies, forget the rest of house just clean the room you are in. Definitely survival mode today.

@otravezempezamos No worries, you have a point!

I think most of us have been there at one point or another op. Parenting is bloody hard work 🤷‍♀️

Make life as easy as possible for yourself, back to back kids Tv, snacks and make sure your 3yo is well dosed up on meds.

Looking after sick kids is really really hard.

It isn’t productive to beat yourself up anymore over this. You were in a highly stressful situation and you reacted - most people will have had a moment like this in their lives. The main thing is you realised immediately it wasn’t right and said sorry. It’s unlikely you’ll react like that again as you’ll remember how bad it made you feel. Forget about it now and move on.

You don't need parenting classes, you need sleep. Your kids are lucky they have a mum who loves them so much. Your feeling guilty means you care.

You now have a chance to show your oldest child that making mistakes is part of being human and that is why we say sorry.

I think takeaway/ telly on the best plan.

Of course you had a moment. You are trying to care for two poorly children and being pulled in all directions. Snuggle you on the sofa with your toddler when the baby goes down for a nap.

What a stupid reply - you don’t need parenting classes. And you haven’t changed the way your kid thinks about the state and policing forever!

it wasn’t the best reaction but you already know that - so just think of a couple of coping strategies that will work for you in future. And show extra love to them

I agree with this... if a man behaved like this op would be told to leave ltb.

Op you need to seriously get some other support on board your husband was only away for one night. You shouldn't be so close to blowing your fuse, they were sick and nit even being naughty. You should really reflect on why this happened so quickly.

Partner is away at a festival. I have just 1 toddler. Naturally, so sooner was he gone, she got sent home for nursery with "loose nappies". I'm 2 days into solo D&V management, mercifully she isn't screaming too much, and I keep thinking "how the heck do single parents manage?!"

It's hard. You'll have better days!

I’m sure there is something else going on / and I’m really not sure it merits a therapist ! She’s been literally left holding the baby - and a child who is unwell - and is missing out on the wedding.

Why do people make everything more psychologically mysterious than it needs to be? It’s normal to have emotions and find things hard occasionally.

Poor you, sounds awful. One idea might be to put some sleep music on for the baby, there are lots on youtube, and put it on quite loud, it will drown out your toddlers noise and hopefully get the baby to sleep. I work in nurseries and they do this to help some kids get to sleep when others are still awake and banging about.

Your not the first and your not the last to shout at your child.

And guess what I'm sure there will come a day again, in the not too distant future or when they are a testing teenager that you will shout again.

This does not make you a bad person or a bad parent.

The comment about parenting classes, ignore.

Didn’t expect so much support and I can’t honestly thank you all enough, it’s gotten me through the stress, he’s already woken him another few times and I’ve just remained calm and he has been cuddling me on the couch saying I just want my mum everyday, he doesn’t even want to discuss what’s happened (I’m not talking to him about it anymore as it’s probably annoying when he’s moved on and I’ve said how deeply sorry I am)

anyway just want to say how much the comments of support how meant to me at this time. I don’t really have many friends with kids so Thank you so much

Oh come on you never lost your temper? This woman is beating herself up and clearly just snapped. She doesn’t need parenting classes. (Although we ALL should take them!) She needs a break. She needs to reset. She needs to know that every parent has shouted at their kids. Some do it alll the time. Some don’t. It’s all normal but clearly she doesn’t want to be a parent who shouts at her kids so don’t make her feel worse. No need.

Op, it’s horrid when this happens but it does happen. Just as all the other shit happens - like spending too much time on your phone, having kids who scream in public, excessive screen time, feeding them processed food. All the things you think you’ll never do as a parent before you actually have kids.

youve snapped at your kid. You’ll snap again. You’ll hate their choice boyfriend or girlfriend and make it obvious instead of playing it cool. You’ll freak out at them smoking weed when you swore you would be cool - and that your kid would be too smart to even try weed in the first place.

it’s always going to be a struggle. You’re always going to feel shit about yourself. You care though don’t you? So keep doing what good parents do and keep trying to do better.

and yeah there are lots of good parenting resources to learn from. But don’t think that’ll mean you won’t fuck up. Because you will. We all do.

Anyone who says they haven't been frustrated and frazzled in situations like you describe, that just tip you over the edge, are either lying or need to teach lessons in how to be perfect all of the time!

We've all had moments where something just snaps and you shout, then feel massively guilty for it whenever you think about it. It still happens sometimes with my teens. You're not alone so don't keep beating yourself with a stick about it.

Oh bless you. Parenting two small children is hard enough, but when one is ill it's absolutely exhausting.
Don't beat yourself up over this. I recall snapping a few times when my children were little - they are now 16, 19 and 22 and have no recollection of any of it.
Take care of yourself