In thinking visiting parents and/ or in laws doesn't count as a holiday?

[Floogal]

Me and DH are in early 40s and have DS aged 9 who has ASD. My DP are in mid 60s and live 4 hours away. MIL is about 2 hours away and is in early 80s with age related ailments. It goes without saying that we see MIL more often than my parents.
The issue is the journeys can be stressful (replacement buses, connecting trains, travel sickness etc) and expensive. My DP seems to be irritated by DS challenging behaviour. MIL means well but she needs some assistance from DH. Other extended family expect to be catered for when visiting (& muggins here has to do the grunt work to get things nice). Also I just feel like a bored spare part and after a few days DS also gets bored and starts acting up. Not forgetting I usually end up having nasty migraines when we stay there.
We haven't had a proper holiday in about 10 years and I really want to relax, actually have some fun, 'make memories ' and reconnect with DH. But because of our hours and annual leave we only get more or less a week together just the three of us. But, as per the question, we end up seeing our families. Also I feel quite envious of friends, family and colleagues talking about their vacations. I want to go away next year!!!!

It’s a holiday going to stay with my in laws because they live in a beautiful house in a beautiful location (abroad) and they’re fab hosts and spoil us rotten when we’re there! But no, in your situation it doesn’t sound like a holiday at all.
2 hours isn’t that far, can’t you just do weekends and therefore not need to use annual leave?

If your parents are in their 60s, can't they visit you?

And yes, book a fortnight away! You deserve some lovely family time.

Could you use your weeks holiday together to go away and visit relatives on weekends?

I don’t understand why you are using your annual leave to visit MIL who is only two hours away?

That’s a day trip and you don’t have to accompany DP every time anyway.

Book a holiday. Life is short.

Start doing minibreaks the three of you

This!

We usually go up on weekends as well.

Book a holiday, this is not a holiday.

How often do you go up?

They do about twice a year, but we go up when we can to keep things fair.

No that doesn't sound like a holiday at all. But you need your dh to be on side to go away. Is he refusing to consider it?

2 and 4 hour travel time are long weekends not holidays!

Book the holiday!

Every few weeks ( when I'm not working on that particular weekend). Obviously DH goes up more often on his own. To coordinate her care, finances DIY jobs.

So you’re going to MIL most weekends?

Pack DH off on his own.

So every few weekends plus holidays?

Are you going by public transport ?

My parents and extended family live in Australia. I did get very tired of 'holidays' consisting of flying a very long way at great expense in order to sit on other peoples' sofas.

Covid was a blessing on that score TBH. But now we have started again.

DH's mother is 88. His sisters live abroad. He visits once a month. Alone. I visit mine. Alone. Perhaps annually we might all go. We have proper holidays.

Why not send ds with dh to see his dps and you do your own thing?.
See your dps with ds and leave dh at home. Duty visits aren't holidays.

And I have an older child with autism, adhd and learning difficulties.

It just bleeding sucks to have to carve out time from annual leave and negotiate all hius needs in order to be in Australia in their winter. And the plane goes goes both directions- but not according to my family.

Are you doing this every year?! Just don't, it's not compulsory!

Definitely not a holiday! But it also sounds like you could reasonably reduce the time you spend visiting.

My in laws are in America. I still don’t consider that a holiday… it’s a break, sure, but we spent most of it sitting on the sofa or driving to Walmart.

You dont need to keep it "fair".
Your DP are retired and only have themselves to consider.
You work and have a family, plus your in-laws.

Ok your DH has caring responsibilities. What you can do is to send him off and you can take a trip with your son. Thats not ideal obviously but if your Dh won’t budge on it then it’s reasonable to give your kids some experiences.

No- last times were 2019, 2023 in July so winter there and then this year at christmas as the parents are rapidly becoming frail.

It is now SO expensive. Christmas costs are basically the equivalent of private school fees. 4 of us, and DCs are 14 and 12 and considered 'adults' depending on the airline.