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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit annoyed?

70 replies

BrewandBiscuits0 · 16/08/2024 08:25

So this weekend I had plans for Saturday morning. However, a friend has been going through a bit of a rough patch and me and another friend were thinking of going to see her on Friday to cheer her up, maybe have some lunch etc. The plan snowballed into having bottomless brunch, stopping over and leaving early. I said I would happily have the food but no alcohol and drive back late so I'm up and ready for Sat morning (I'm not an early riser and our friend lives over an hour away from us, we live near to each other)...when I said this, my friend has suggested we take one car (mine as I'm not drinking) and both come back together, however she is still going to have the alcohol at brunch.
AIBU to feel a bit put out as the brunch plan was hers and although I do want to have the full brunch with alcohol, I obviously can't and feel like I've been put in a difficult position. I could suggest we drive ourselves there and if she wants to stay she can, however she too has said she has plans for Saturday so coming back with me would be convenient.

OP posts:

Chelsea26 · 16/08/2024 08:28

I don’t get it - you said you were driving and now you can give your mate a lift home. What’s the problem with that?

Isittimeformynapyet · 16/08/2024 08:29

So what day was the brunch? I'm confused too.

Zoraflora · 16/08/2024 08:30

I dont understand you post, you say you dont want to drink so you can drive home and be fresh Saturday but further in the thread you say you want to drink?

UltramarineViolet · 16/08/2024 08:32

If you had already said that your plan to drive home then what are you annoyed that your friend wants a lift?

It's not like she has tricked you into driving, you volunteered!

I would see it as buying myself a favour for another time 😉

Tbskejue · 16/08/2024 08:32

I also don’t get it; you said you’d do that and will do it no matter what she does so it reads that you just don’t want her benefitting from your decision to not drink….which is not especially kind.

Sirzy · 16/08/2024 08:33

If the friend who your going with lives close then a car share makes more sense surely?

RedHelenB · 16/08/2024 08:35

You're being a dog in the manger OP

Leafygreen84 · 16/08/2024 08:38

You say you want to have the full brunch with alcohol but you can’t. Erm, why? You said you prefer to drive back, nothing stopping you from staying over? Really spiteful and petty to not give her a lift after offering to drive.

ItsAlrightDarling · 16/08/2024 08:38

I’m a bit confused too. So you don’t mind not drinking and then driving home if it’s just you driving back on your own, but you don’t want to do it if you have to drive your friend back too?
Or is it that you think she should be doing to not drinking/driving thing because it was her idea?

Original poster

BrewandBiscuits0 · 16/08/2024 08:39

Sorry I wasn't too clear. I have suggested us getting the train so we can both drink at the brunch today and come home together but she is insistent we drive as it is cheaper and less hassle.

OP posts:

ItsAlrightDarling · 16/08/2024 08:40

BrewandBiscuits0 · 16/08/2024 08:39

Sorry I wasn't too clear. I have suggested us getting the train so we can both drink at the brunch today and come home together but she is insistent we drive as it is cheaper and less hassle.

Well can’t you be equally as insistent that you get the train?

Myfavouriteflowers · 16/08/2024 08:41

It reads as though you would have liked to drink but because you had to drive home that night you are not able to have alcohol. But now your friend has suggested car sharing and will be coming home with you and will be able to drink you are put out. It sounds as though you think if you are going to car share you would have liked not to be the designated driver and be able to drink.
I don't know if I'm reading it right but if I am you do sound unreasonable. You are able to do your original plan plus do your friend the kindness of giving her a lift home. Sounds like a win win situation to me.
Edited to say just seen your update re train. I still think you are being unreasonable if the train is more expensive and less convenient.

KarmaKat · 16/08/2024 08:42

BrewandBiscuits0 · 16/08/2024 08:39

Sorry I wasn't too clear. I have suggested us getting the train so we can both drink at the brunch today and come home together but she is insistent we drive as it is cheaper and less hassle.

She can’t insist you do anything. Get the train if you want to drink.

MisfitMagpie · 16/08/2024 08:42

If you want a drink get the train, she wants you to drive as less hassle for her as no doubt you'll have to pick her up and drop off.

Whaleandsnail6 · 16/08/2024 08:42

Just refuse to drive then... she cant make you.

Explain that you want to have a drink so you are going to get the train home and its up to her what she does then.

FrangipaniBlue · 16/08/2024 08:43

I said I would happily have the food but no alcohol and drive back late so I'm up and ready for Sat morning

my friend has suggested we take one car (mine as I'm not drinking)

Your OP says you said you would drive back and weren't planning to drink , you can't change your mind to a train when the responses don't go your way......

anyhoo, if you offered a train but your mate wants to drive tell her to then.

NeedSomeAnswersPlease · 16/08/2024 08:43

So you don't want to drink so you're fresh for Saturday

But now your mate wants a lift you do want to drink?? YABU

Zanatdy · 16/08/2024 08:43

tell her you want to drink so will be getting the train now, up to her if she decides to drive. She can’t just demand that you drive as it’s easier, and make you be the designated driver.

StonwEd · 16/08/2024 08:43

That’sa non issue then - you’re getting the train and she still has the option to drive.

Whaleandsnail6 · 16/08/2024 08:44

Although I can see why your friend is confused as your original op said you said you wouldnt drink and would be happy to drive?! Sounds like crossed wires with what you said.

Shibr · 16/08/2024 08:45

I don’t understand. You initially said you couldn’t drink as you don’t want a late night and were going to drive. Makes sense for your friend to get a lift back with you as you are driving.

Now you are saying you can drink and you want to get the train? I can see how that is confusing. Just tell your friend you want to drink now and therefore can’t drive?

Sirzy · 16/08/2024 08:45

BrewandBiscuits0 · 16/08/2024 08:39

Sorry I wasn't too clear. I have suggested us getting the train so we can both drink at the brunch today and come home together but she is insistent we drive as it is cheaper and less hassle.

But you had already said you were driving? So why then change the plan?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 16/08/2024 08:46

"Sorry I wasn't too clear". You didn't mention the train at all so obviously that wasn't clear!

But you just tell her you're getting the train. If she wants to drive then that's up to her. Seems a non issue

WimpoleHat · 16/08/2024 08:48

Just say “no fun going to a bottomless brunch and not drinking - so I’m not driving and will be getting the train home”. Leave her to sort herself out if she prefers to drive.

FNG · 16/08/2024 08:49

Is the person you are visiting aware of the plan for a bottomless brunch?

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