aibu to not make a packed lunch for my nearly 15 year old DC

[menohnopausal]

Genuinely prepared to be told AIBU, but my first two DC started fending for themselves when they started high school (ie at about 12). They generally did a combo of school lunches, local shop lunches, and making their own packed lunches.

DC3 has been doing the same for the last couple of years, although with a significantly more extravagant taste in shop lunches. We agreed on a budget for shop food (£3.50 a day), to be supplemented with packed lunches if needed.

She's now asking either for me yet increase the lunch budget to buy more expensive lunches, or for me to make her packed lunches because she CBA.

Apparently ALL her friends get their lunch made for them. Is this likely to be true? If so, I'll get back to the lunch-making grind!

We make them while they are at primary school but definitely not at secondary. They have a little money on their lunch card for emergencies but if it was regular they would be paying themselves.

What does it matter what her friends do? Good for her to make her own lunch tbh

At 15 both my sister and I were making our own lunches if packed lunch or just sorting ourselves from the shop.

To be fair in her defence re. amount- £3.50 wouldn’t even get you a meal deal from any of our local shops, I think the cheapest here is £4.00 now but usually between £4 and £6 I’d say, used to be so much cheaper when I was at school!

If I was you I’d continue giving her however much money you’re happy with, let her spend that however she wants to on lunches, but once it’s gone it really is gone and she’ll have to make a packed lunch.

Fuck no! All mine made them from aged 8. What's wrong with her hands?

Also I refuse to give them money for lunches. They can buy lunch out of their allowance or wages of they want or bring in a free (for them) packed lunch.

To add, £3.50 was the agreed budget as that's a Sainsbury's meal deal.

YANBU, I don't make my teen's lunches.

Mine have a fixed amount for the term for school lunches. If they spend it in a week then so be it - they then have to use their pocket money. Otherwise they make their own.

I make it for my DD and she’s 17. I don’t see what harm it is to help them and be kind. She can do it herself and will happily do it but if I’m doing something in the kitchen and have time then I’m happy to sort it for her.
I can happily make myself a cup of tea but sometimes my DD makes one for me to be kind when I come home from work.
It’s no different

at 13/14 I cooked most of the family meals - surely a ten year old could make a sandwich?

As a person who works £3.50 every week day for a sainsburys meal deal is £70 per month!!!

That's a lot out of working persons budget let alone for a child who can make a sandwich at home who just can't be arsed.

I tell her that tbh and say no she can make her own lunch or go hungry.

I'd do it because it's gcse years and can be quite stressful without worrying about making lunch etc but with the attitude of 'I cba and my friends mums make theirs' I wouldn't.

Also meal deals aren't a great lunch, sandwich and bag of crisps, my son had more than that in year 1

I sometimes make pack lunches for my 15 Yr old she makes it herself too.
This morning she made me breakfast and dinner twice last week.
Relationships are reciprocal and lunch is not something I believe needs rigidity .

DH or I usually make sandwiches (we take it im turns) and will shout up and ask who wants sandwiches for tomorrow. The kids (one at high school and one working) can say yes or no. We make the sandwich and put it in the fridge, we don’t pack the lunch boxes or put anything else with it (like fruit / crisps etc) they do the rest themselves.

DD at school gets a weekly amount on her account. She can take a sandwich and use it for breakfast / snacks etc or take snacks and buy lunch but once it’s gone it’s gone.

When in last couple of years of primary my DC got all the bits out but I made the sandwich/pasta, when in secondary they make for themselves or stick to an agreed budget.

No wonder she can't afford it, Sainsbury's hiked their deal upto £3.75.

“Apparently ALL her friends get their lunch made for them. Is this likely to be true? If so, I'll get back to the lunch-making grind!”

I make my 15 year olds pack up but I’m also doing younger DD at the same time. Regardless of whether her friends all get their pack up made their not living under your roof. So it’s up to you if you make it or not

You make her sandwich she empties dishwasher or washing machine

I made my son's until he left 6th form! My daughter and other son had school lunches on a money card system.

I still do food prep for one of my (sporty) kids as I love doing it, and I cook dinner for all of them each night.

At 15 I'd expect her to be making them herself, it's just a bit lazy really. Kind of takes 5 minutes and she could easily make whilst you are loading the dishwasher or whatever.

I'll be honest my 5 year old has been making her sandwich every day during this school holiday. I just put the bits on the table with a plate and knife and away she goes with it.

Oh yeah, you're right! FWIW the £3.50 budget was based on the meal deal price but she often didn't actually spend it on a meal deal (she would get other stuff like a pizza roll and/or a pot of pasta and/or a drink that i mildly disapprove of).

My DS makes his own lunch (he's yr 7). He has money on his school account for buying lunches/snacks and he can spend up to £15 a week, but we've made a deal that any money on his account that he doesn't spend he gets to keep as pocket money. So he takes in lunches, snacks and drinks and is saving up the money for tech stuff he wants.

Thanks for the replies. I'm going to stand firm, safe in the knowledge that I'm not being an abnormally mean mother 😁.

I do actually bring her cereal in bed every week morning, and she is entirely free from kitchen duties apart from one day a week when she chooses a meal, shops, cooks and clears up, so that's a pretty good deal I reckon.

I'm clearly in the minority here but I think it's quite sad that most people appear to want their kids to make their own packed lunches, isn't it just basic parenting? Yes, they could do it themselves but it's nice to feel cared for. I work with kids in care who have experienced severe neglect so I'm not easily shocked at all but this thread is really quite depressing! Is it such a chore to put a few sandwiches up and a drink and piece of fruit? For your child? They'll be gone in a blink of an eye, enjoy caring for them while they're still at home instead of treating it line a chore

My first two DC didn't want me to carry on making their lunches. They thought it was too cringe 🤷