aibu to not make a packed lunch for my nearly 15 year old DC

[menohnopausal]

Genuinely prepared to be told AIBU, but my first two DC started fending for themselves when they started high school (ie at about 12). They generally did a combo of school lunches, local shop lunches, and making their own packed lunches.

DC3 has been doing the same for the last couple of years, although with a significantly more extravagant taste in shop lunches. We agreed on a budget for shop food (£3.50 a day), to be supplemented with packed lunches if needed.

She's now asking either for me yet increase the lunch budget to buy more expensive lunches, or for me to make her packed lunches because she CBA.

Apparently ALL her friends get their lunch made for them. Is this likely to be true? If so, I'll get back to the lunch-making grind!

I usually made my DDs packed lunches even at secondary and sixth form, but tbf it was about the only thing I had to do for her as she was very organised and self-sufficient otherwise.

Maybe make her some really cringey packed lunches with heart shaped sandwiches and little inspirational notes ‘love from Mummy x’…she might suddenly decide to sort herself out 😂

It's the taking cereal in bed that I'd have an issue with. Sitting together to eat is important to me.

And with packed lunches for three kids and a DH, it was always more efficient and cheaper for me or DH to do all four of them. Much nicer too than any meal deal. And I still continue whenever the adult children are at home and need any kind of packing up.

I sort my 14yos packed lunch if I'm also making my 10yos. Otherwise she makes her own. She gets lazy and can't be bothered but she refuses to eat any more than one school meal a week because she's a fussy eater, so she doesn't have a choice. We've talked about her going to shops for lunch and I think a fiver a day would be sufficient but it's bloody expensive. She doesn't seem too bothered about that to be fair. What happened to the days of getting a slice of pizza and potion of chips for £1.50!!?

I’m not sure where you’ve got that from. 15 is a child. 18 is an adult.

I find it a bit hypocritical that the OP wants her to make her own lunch on the one hand but on the other hand disapproves of certain drinks. You either have to let go of your control over their eating and drinking or you don't.

She's trying it on, if her friends genuinely all get their lunches made for them their parents need to get a grip!
I made my own since I was 13 and didn't like what my Dad made me (got told to like it or make my own!).
My DD is 13 and she has a mixture of school lunches or packed lunch. I budget £2.50 a day for lunch - that includes occasional snacks at break time. She makes her own packed lunch if she wants one, occasionally I make it if I'm making mine anyway.

How are they going to learn to look after themselves though? They're going to be that person who turns up at Uni with no idea how to cook! I had to teach a girl how to cook bacon when I was in uni!

But teaching them to look after themselves and be independent is basic parenting too?

My parents were loving and not neglectful at all but we all left home knowing how to make a few basic nutritious meals and all had to make our own packed lunches in secondary school.

I would be ashamed if my child left home and couldn't cook or do laundry etc.

I make packed lunches for DS17. It is usually salad and I make batches of things to go in it like pasta salad, tabouleh, bulgar, cous cous, roasted veggies etc. I toss some of whatever I have made in with some lettuce etc while he gets ready in a morning. He could do it but left to his own devices would probably buy something or just have crisps and a cereal bar! When he started college I said I would put his allowance up by £20 per month so he could get McDs or a meal deal once a week. However how he spends it is up to him. Usually he has McDs once a week and takes a salad the other 3 days.

He won’t be helpless when he goes to uni just because I make his packed lunches. For years I have been saying mum has finished cooking after dinner so if he wants supper he has to make it. Might be leftovers, a sandwich, pitta pizza, cereal, etc. He could already make a few basic meals (pasta, chilli) and this summer we have been having some recipe boxes delivered which he has enjoyed making.

I am confident he won’t starve and by the time he goes to uni will have a solid repertoire of meals he can make. My making his lunch for him is no biggie, especially if he is making dinner some days :)

@dbeuowlxb173939
Two went to uni and are very good cooks thank you!

Just because I care for them and made them their packed lunches until they were 18, doesn't mean they're not growing up independently!! They do their own finances, washing, ironing etc

I work away from home a lot and they cook for themselves and my husband when I'm away.

I cook for my husband every day I'm at home - does that mean he's not independent?
He does the gardening, the finances, the washing etc....does that mean he spoils me and doesn't mean I'm independent?

It's so sad that so many people are questioning parents who seemingly care about their children!

Mine have been making their own since year 6. They get £15 a week for the school canteen and when that runs out they make their own.

My son has been making his lunches since year 7. He also makes his younger brother's. All part of chipping into the household. He has to make the bread too because we try to avoid UPF as much as possible! I'd be happy to give them lunch money for school lunches, but they prefer packed lunch.

My 9 year old made both of us a packed lunch the other day as I felt nauseous.. I also gave her zero input on what to put in there and it was a big success! If she can do it so can your DD. She's trying it on.

I agree.

@dbeuowlxb173939
My 14yr old can iron all his clothes and cook a 3 course meal but I still like to do these things for him because it shows I care.

@Shoutinglagerlagerlager do you think making packed lunch is the only way a parent can show a child they care?