Stop saying my baby is small!

[leedsmum21]

AIBU to ask everyone to stop commenting when a baby is small?
My baby was born small, has stayed on their centile line and now, nearing age 1, is still very little. I am finding it quite hurtful how many people comment on how little he is. It's particularly annoying when they express huge shock at his age! I appreciate it is probably my own insecurity as I have been worried about his growth, but it just seems unnecessary to point something like that out. Maybe mums of big babies have the opposite problem, but in my experience big babies are always considered to be 'thriving'.

And even if people are commenting on the fact that your baby is small for their age - it sounds like that is a fact? Unless they are following it up with a negative comment, then why do you hear this as rude or an insult? Do you think there is something bad about being small? It seems quite a neutral thing to say, imo.

because since the dawn of time big babies are associated with being ‘healthy’ and ‘good feeders’. Failure to thrive is a real concept and not a positive one. And it is associated with low birth rate and ‘small’ babies. No one is concerned when they see a chunky baby but often people are when they see a small / less chunky baby and ignorantly feel the need to point it out, as if somehow the parents haven’t noticed. If you are not a parent of a small baby experiencing this day in, day out, then you may fail to understand why it’s annoying

I feel like I could have written this post. I get it all the time with my 2.5 year old. It's the constant "oh my god, is that his age?! Hes so tiny!" Then sometimes like you said a comparison with their own child.
It also really bothers me. I just don't think anyone should be commenting on anyone 's size - child or adult.

@amispeakingintongues this isn’t a newborn though - the baby is nearly 1 I think and (unless I’ve missed it) has no health concerns.

I highly doubt people who mention the baby is small are doing it out of rudeness or to upset the Op, or because they think the baby has “failed to thrive”. They are just making an idle comment that is actually factually correct.

One of my kids has red hair and people always used to comment on it. Now I know that some people don’t like red hair/think it’s ugly, but doesn’t mean I felt upset every time someone mentioned it or thought they were being rude. The difference here (I think) is that OP herself is insecure about her child’s size whereas in my case I loved my DC’s hair colour. I guess if I’d wished it was blonde or something the comments might have annoyed me more.

But rather than blaming people
who really don’t mean any harm and likely giving it much thought, it would probably be healthier for the OP to work through her own feelings about her child’s size.

We still get it now with our DS, he's 6.
He is gorgeous but people still insist on pointing out how little he is - I hate it.
He even says himself now, "why do people keep telling you I'm small" it's infuriating.

OP I feel for you, but some people are just insensitive and excuse it by saying because they mean it in a cute, nice, way it's ok, it's not.

This was always my point.
Imagine saying "my gosh isn't your child obese for their age "- sorry I'm just being factually correct

But obese is a loaded word and very obviously offensive.

Small is not. There are plenty of people (on this thread included) who are happy their child is small.

But obese is a loaded word and very obviously offensive

No, it's a factual term regarding weight. People may choose to find it offensive.

Small is not. There are plenty of people (on this thread included) who are happy their child is small

Small absolutely can and is used to offend people, and children. Absolutely some people may love having it pointed out that they are small - others most definitely don't, including children.

Oh come on…this is a 1 year old baby. All 1 year olds are small. And none of them care about it.

No one who is describing this baby as small is doing it in order to offend or upset the child or the parent. Whereas you couldn’t possibly call someone obese without realising that it was might be upsetting.

My ds was diagnosed with failure to thrive, yes being told he was small was upsetting 😡

Imo the only time I think people use "the baby is small" in comparison to an adult is within the first week or 2, as people do sometimes forget just how small newborn babies are when they haven't seen them for a while. After that, almost every "omg the baby is so small" is in comparison to other babies their age! And it's annoying as hell... I never know what to respond!

I also find it really annoying! My son isn't even really small, he's just average! The weirdest comment I had was when he was a baby, at a baby group he was lying down next to another baby so you could directly compare sizes. He was clearly quite a bit bigger than the other baby. The mum then commented 'oh isn't he tiny compared to mine??' it was so weird as he clearly wasn't, I didn't no what to say except give her a bemused smile!

My baby was big... and huge as a 2 year old. The amount of people who made rude remarks about 'that child shouldn't be in nappies at that age' thinking child was 4... I just ignored them. People can comment all they like. My child is amazing. Ignore, ignore, ignore!

I used to hate it too. DD is tiny, but I didn’t need to be constantly reminded of it by everyone. We had issues with breastfeeding and weight gain, and the comments about her being little used to really upset me.

I know there’s only so many things you can say about a baby, but I really think anything relating to size is best avoided. Stick to “Ohh, doesn’t she have lovely hair/eyes/smile/dimples” or just “isn’t he sweet” if you can’t think of anything specific to say!

I hear you OP. My dd was born on the 2nd centile for both weight and height. At first I didn’t mind the comments about how small she was, but I had a difficult birth, and I was worried for sometime that she may have been deprived of oxygen and that it was affecting her growth. The comments fed into that anxiety. (She’s fine!).
I appreciate that me feeling that way was my issue and that nobody saying that to me would know how I felt, but it has made me very conscious not to comment on a baby’s size.

Also- my girl is likely to always be tiny - so I’m going help her be super proud of her body ! If I react negatively to people commenting on it, she’ll pick up on it. As it is- she’s into her gymnastics and acro so she is going to be living her best flyer life and I’m going to be her biggest fan (when I’m not peaking out my fingers and begging her to be careful!)

My middle child was small, the other 2 weren’t. It’s just people making conversation. No-one is thinking this baby is small, must be the mothers fault. Try not to take it to heart as it’s certainly not intended negatively. My small baby was 20 last week, he’s not small now, though he’s fairly small in height at 5ft 7.

I had the opposite. How big my DD was for her age, etc. it bothered me cause I’m a bigger built and tall woman and people would say the same thing about me. So I was extra sensitive to it especially since my sister was tiny for her age and everyone thought that was cute and adorable. I don’t think people should make comments like this about children , it can be very hurtful in many different ways.

My ds was teased at school once about being small. He said small people live longer. Shut them up.

When my son was about 2.5 some rude woman at a play group kept going on about how tiny he was. She went on and on. She was pissing me off. He probably won't be the tallest lad. He's now on the 25th centile for height at 6

Later on you just roll with it. Because most of the people are now comparing whether their babe can walk, talk, count, do somersaults etc. So then they say oh my god he’s advanced (because they assume small = younger). And you nod your head and smile 🤣