Stop saying my baby is small!

[leedsmum21]

AIBU to ask everyone to stop commenting when a baby is small?
My baby was born small, has stayed on their centile line and now, nearing age 1, is still very little. I am finding it quite hurtful how many people comment on how little he is. It's particularly annoying when they express huge shock at his age! I appreciate it is probably my own insecurity as I have been worried about his growth, but it just seems unnecessary to point something like that out. Maybe mums of big babies have the opposite problem, but in my experience big babies are always considered to be 'thriving'.

My little one is below the first percentile … i find it harder when kids her own age make a big deal of it because she sometimes finds it upsetting - now she says that her body is small but her mind is BIG which is adorable.

I also found it makes other parents a bit weird - she is advanced for her age anyway but looking so tiny makes her look really advanced and it freaks people out- like when she was the size of a two month old and was crawling about baby groups 😂 like no, I don’t have a freakishly advanced two month old, calm down everyone . Now she’s really into her climbing and I feel I need to tape her age to her T-shirt before people think I’m negligently letting a two year old scale rock faces.

Mine were small, stayed small but went through puberty later, dd1 is my height (5'6) and dd2 is 3 inches smaller but is super successful in an unlikely job. Try not to worry nor take notice

People like to engage with babies. It's fu king irritating. You could have a small baby, big baby, prem, c section, ivf, surrogate, born to a Martian, the list goes on.

I had twins and the amount of people that asked if they were 'natural' really got on my tits.

People do tend to comment on babies. Small, big, chunky. . No hair a lot of hair. If your baby is healthy try not to dwell on folks comments I don't think they mean any harm.

I had one small and people always mentioned it and then the next big and people always mentioned it. I think people generally just feel compelled to have something (anything) to say and it’s a bit safer than mentioning the fact that a baby looks like a potato or an angry old man.

They are probably just making conversation OP. I had a very big baby and I also had lots of comments, some were actually very rude.
I just used to remember that I have said stupid things without thinking many a time myself.

This.

this did make me laugh.

It really is just baby drivel and fairly meaningless. My ds was teeny tiny until about 5months. People constantly commented on it, then when he grew chunkier they commented on that and also on his complete lack of hair.
Life's too short to get offended. Until babies start to actually do something their appearance is all people have to comment on.

There's always something. Otherwise it would be how big they are. Or their hair etc.

Surely it's just making conversation? DS2 was a dinky dot (2nd centile IIRC) and had a full head of hair. People always commented on it. He was also a early walker and had very advanced speech. Which always confused people.

People would always comment that my baby was so small and tiny
Well it was true she was.
It wasn't offensive
She was thriving and tiny!

Thanks all for your responses and sharing your experiences. Personally I would always lead with 'what a lovely smile' as I think all mums like to hear their baby is smiling. I don't believe saying a baby is small is just making conversation, especially when they ask how old he is, I tell them, and they say 'oh but he's tiny'. I think I will start replying 'oh but you're rude'.

I had three, all of them on the small side. One particularly so. Agree with pp; it's just a talking point. Try not to take it personally.

My eldest weighed 7lb 6 oz at birth but soon began to gain weight. He has never been chubby but as an adult is 6ft 7 tall! He was also too big for some age appropriate toys, was always the tallest in class photos and people used to frown when he behaved in an age appropriate way but looked much older! He started school wearing age 8 to 9 clothes! When he joined the army aged 25, he had to have a special extra long bed which followed him out to tours abroad - the army medics insisted so that he was not injured by having to sleep cramped up!

Same here. Exactly the same both extremes.

It's just small talk. People like to chat. They're not really aware of how many times you've heard it or that you might have insecurities.

I always think the best thing to show the DC is that we respond positively to friendly attempts at starting communication and don't take things to heart. People just want to strike up conversation.

It's noticeable that a lot of people who think it's ok to comment on how small a baby is are justifying it with how baby was also healthy/meeting milestones/thriving.

However, it's a bad move to point out how small baby is if there are worries about baby not thriving. And, for a stranger's baby, you won't know about any issues before making a comment.

I try to find a different small talk comment if at all possible.

One of my best friends has twins and when people kept asking stupid stuff like "oh, are they twins?" she used to say "no, they're triplets, I left the ugly one at home"

You would be the rude one in that scenario though.

Yes as per PP this would be rude! If it’s friends doing it you can tell them it is upsetting for you - they should understand even if they think you might be being over sensitive. But don’t be rude yourself!

My 2.5 year old is teeny but so advanced amongst her peers I love she's small but fierce

I was at a playgroup the other day, my DD is now 2.5. There was a mum there I got chatting too with a child much younger than mine. I commented something along the lines of ‘oh she’s so little and cute, I miss that phase’! The mum responded ‘I know, she’s really small for her age’.

What I meant was my DD is out of that crawling phase etc… they grow so quick! it was not a comment in the child’s development but I worry that’s how it was taken!

Are they perhaps just commenting because he is a baby, who is by definition small?

My boy is a chunky 80th centile and we get 'oh look he's tiny' most days, because he's 10 weeks old.

He's not at all tiny in comparison to other babies his age, but he's tiny in comparison to the adults who are saying it.

Yes apologies I was being flippant, I would obviously never say that, I just nod politely and smile. But I do think @amispeakingintongues is right that it is actually most of the time a veiled dig. I don't think anyone should comment on the physical appearance of a stranger's baby, as @ConfusedBear says, you don't know their health or circumstances.
Thanks all for your responses, it's definitely helped me think.

I am 5'2", my husband is 5'8". His mum and sister are smaller than me. DD was born premature and, funnily enough, is on the small side for her age. She has always grown appropriately, so she is now a petite 6 year old. I still get looks of astonishment when people ask how old she is and it has become kind of normal for me to reply to questions about her age with "she's 6, I know, she is tiny!" A lot of people only ask her age in the first place as she is very articulate and read way past her age so she look about 4 or 5 and talks like she is 7 or 8. In some ways I think that as they grow up it is an advantage to be smaller as people's expectations of them are less. My friend's kids were huge and looked a couple of years older than they are. Everyone was always criticising them for not doing things that they shouldn't even be expected to do at that age (18 month old was criticised for not talking in sentences!) If people comment on DD being small I point out that I am not exactly a towering giant and ask why people would expect her to be looking at her mum.