Stop saying my baby is small!

[leedsmum21]

AIBU to ask everyone to stop commenting when a baby is small?
My baby was born small, has stayed on their centile line and now, nearing age 1, is still very little. I am finding it quite hurtful how many people comment on how little he is. It's particularly annoying when they express huge shock at his age! I appreciate it is probably my own insecurity as I have been worried about his growth, but it just seems unnecessary to point something like that out. Maybe mums of big babies have the opposite problem, but in my experience big babies are always considered to be 'thriving'.

When my twins were born my girl twin was tiny. She stayed that way for 2 years. When we were out one day my husband had her in the carrier and someone asked him if she was real or a doll?!!

She is now 10cm taller than her 'big' twin brother. He's nearly 5 and only just gone into 3-4 clothes. Now people annoy me by telling me they are not/never/can't be twins 🙄

I'm sure your daughter is perfect in every way. We are not defined by our size ❤️

Yes, did you have ivf??? Rude! No, I don't but it's not of your business. And no, they don't effin run in the family 😂

This used to really upset me-I had trouble breastfeeding and I took it as an indicator of my failure that I couldn’t make my child grow.

It's small talk. Yabu to let it worry you.

I had monster babies- really big. I used to notice size because I missed out on having a teeny one. Mine held their heads really early and everything. That amazing potato stage when they are little sleepy sugar bags is gorgeous.

Later I fostered and had a world of pain from tiny prem babies, so I don’t feel like I missed out anymore 🤣

Just reply with, "They don't make diamonds as big as bricks," a phrase my 91 year old grandmother says 😊 I love it and it describes my smaller children perfectly.

I don't think it's a dig, it's just people trying to make a connection. My two were both below 9th percentile so I used to get this a lot too, and it's hard not to worry that they're not 'big enough' because you're doing something wrong at times... could this be a factor in you feeling so annoyed by them calling baby small?

Mine got that that all the time, I didn't take it as a dig though, they were small and people just want something to comment on. With babies it is pretty much always going to be appearance as they don't really do anything- unless they are very smiley.
But any comment said over and over again has the potential to get in your head and annoy you. When mine were little I had lots of people say things like "wow they really do look the same" or pointing out any of their features and exclaiming that they matched. They are identical twins so of course they had the same features, but it was said so often I felt like people were saying it was weird that they looked so alike or that it was odd. It wasn't, people just want to comment and often say the most stand out feature, either that they are small, or hairy, or have big eyes, or look exactly the same as their sister- they are not trying to make a dig.

My 2 year old DD is very tall for her age and I am sick of hearing people saying oh she is so big. If she is tall she is tall, it's not like I stretched her.

I'm 5 ft 6 and my DH is 6ft3 and both of us have large frames and he was a rugby player and I was quite shocked at how small our kids are. They were both around 7lbs but followed the lowest centile line and never had that chubby baby stage. My eldest is taller now but so thin he either needs the size below long trouser or his size with the waist pulled in like a paper bag. He went to school at 4 with a lot of his class being 5 and he looked like a toddler with his giant schoolbag on. My youngest is 4 and still wears 2-3 shorts and is just generally quite petite, he is in speech and language therapy and as a result of both his speech and stature often gets babied which drives him insane. I cannot buy enough food for them, they eat from the second they get up until they go to bed and their diet is excellent...they are just petite!

I think people just say stupid things when you have a little one. It's like they don't know what to say.

I think people don't mean to be offensive they just end up comparing their children to yours. I had a child within a month of my best friend. She had a bigger child so always got comments like "oh my god he's massive, your back must be broke carrying him, he must have walked out if the womb etc. I got comments like "he's tiny, was he premature, is he feeding enough. Both sets of comments are fairly annoying!

It's really hard to find something to say about babies and parents don't like when you say nothing. Isn't he cute is a go to but some people (eg me) don't find babies cute we think they look like monkeys shaved for a lab experiment. So we just say practical observations until they're old enough to manifest a personality.

Yes I also get the same the other way (DS is in 99% quartile for height) and it's the only thing people say. I try to remember that often people don't know what to say when meeting a child and they don't mean any offence.

I had this with both of mine. I got over it when I raised it with the health visitor, and she looked up at me, being all of about 4 ft 10 and said "People come in all shapes and sizes".

Strangely I had a small baby/toddler then a very tall one! People comment either way.
Then they started saying my older DD was tall when she was primary school age when I knew for a fact that she was bang on average!
It's the sort of thing where you just have to grit your teeth and smile

No she wouldn’t, in my view. People who comment on babies/children like this are plain rude. There’s no way they mean it positively and it is rude to say something negative like that about a child’s size or appearance. It’s basically the same as those who ask when you’re having a second. I trained myself to say ‘I’ve no idea, I’ve just had my third miscarriage’. Some would think that was uncalled for - but I saw it as teaching them a lesson. It is never acceptable to ask if someone is having another child because you have no idea what they’ve been through. I’m sure those people learned a lesson and never did it to to someone less able to deal with it that I was.

As OP says, stop commenting on a child’s size or appearance.

My daughter is small in height and the way I see it is her clothes fit her for longer lol !

Same plus I always get hand me downs from friends taller kids... Win win 🤣

Meh. Couldn't get upset about it. My son was 4lbs when he was born. 4lbs10 when I took him home. He was tiny. I miss him being teeny weeny. He's on 95th centile now at 5.

Totally with you - I'm petite, DH is small and our sons (shocker) are both dinky. Constant comments and MIL now telling eldest "you'll grow so big and tall if.." which I hate, because he won't. You have to try and shut it out or shut it down, and as they get older work on building their confidence and acceptance around being small. I worry about them dating when they're older but it's out of my control.

Both my DDs were born small. Its normal for my family, DB and I were both small. We are all healthy.

When I was pregnant with DD2, a snotty little madam of a midwife from Kings (Georgia I think her name was?) tried to convince me DD1 must have something wrong with her and I must be in denial, because "Research shows that low birth weight babies suffer with learning and behavioural issues" - I laughed at her; DD1 had just finished uni with flying colours, passed her driving test and landed a great job (bit of a gap between my kids!)

People are just ignorant arseholes. Even professionals. You know your LO is happy and healthy, bollocks to anyone else's opinion!

Yep, i agree with this. I had no issues breastfeeding, but funnily enough it was always formula feeding mums who commented on my babies being small. It comes across as jealousy to be honest because i’ve never had any concerns for my children’s size, nor has any HV. It’s just really irritating when everyone else seems to think you should be bothered.

Genuinely don't understand the angst about this 🤷‍♀️

People just want to say something - and if you have a tiny baby, to most people, that's a cute thing to say (they don't mean OH MY GOD WHY IS YOUR CHILD SO SMALL???)

It's meant to be sweet, babies ARE tiny on the whole (and quite honestly, I'd have no idea if yours was comparatively small or large for their age, so 🤷‍♀️)

Why does everyone take such offence at inconsequential trivia these days?? 😵‍💫

My ds was on the 2nd centile and still Is. I had all the comments. I think people equate small =cute but they shouldn't comment. I can't ever imagine saying gosh isn't your baby fat to someone.

It sounds like your baby is actually small - both in general terms (as all babies are small) and also specifically small for their age.

When people comment, you are assuming they are making the latter point but you don’t really know - my youngest is only 3 but I’ve totally forgotten - I met a new baby the other day and would have assumed she was about 6 months old but she was 1! She is average sized - it’s just very hard to age babies accurately unless you’re around a lot of them.

And even if people are commenting on the fact that your baby is small for their age - it sounds like that is a fact? Unless they are following it up with a negative comment, then why do you hear this as rude or an insult? Do you think there is something bad about being small? It seems quite a neutral thing to say, imo.