To think he should pay this?

[Reaka]

Ex is a high earner. The cms calculation is 825 a month (and he is due to be promoted and has lots of scope to earn more).

Nursery cost is 1500 a month so the 825 pays a chunk and then also leaves a little left over (on the basis that I pay towards nursery and day to day costs too).

Ex sees dd for 6 hours every weekend. He chooses the day. I have asked if he wants her overnight etc but he does not.

I am drowning in work and commuting and caring for dd alongside my job. I want to ask him to pay an extra 150 a month to pay for a cleaner once a week to take some of the pressure off given he does zero practical care. Is this reasonable? I feel so angry about being left to do all the parenting but also don’t want to take the piss as I want dd to always know I was fair towards her dad even if he hasn’t been to me. Would you ask him to pay?

I don't know how many times it needs repeating.

OP CANNOT force him to parent

Yes we should be so grateful to the men in situations such as these who are 9/10 doing no where near enough actual bringing up of the child/ren and who are definitely not paying anywhere near as much as what it actually costs to raise a child.

Women end up in these shitty predicaments because of attitudes like this.

Thank you your not the first to quote me today have a good evening,

He pays the bare minimum he is obligated to pay, & with that CMS calculation is likely earning £7/£8k a month. He’s paying less than 20% and potentially only 10% of his income to provide for his child. He is only paying for 1/2 her nursery fees, OP is funding everything else.

OP, ask him to pay the nursery fee or at least £1k a month so he is also contributing to her food, clothes etc. What you spend the additional amount on when it’s absorbed into your household budget is up to you.

Sh that she can pick up even more of the slack.
Less time cleaning more time with his child right? The one he's left all the parenting bar 6 hours a week to mum.

He can well afford it and it contributes to a nicer standard of living for his child

This! Why should she struggle to pay for fees, food clothes days out toys activities and the millions of things you need to buy (think £10 for friend bday present, entry to a park etc) which is probably eating all her income so she can’t even afford £40 of cleaner a week, plus spending all her time with the kid, meaning no downtime, no time to do sport, rush to work, work at home to prep meals, bath bed time, play time, when he only spends £800 out of an income of £8k, leaving him with loads of disposable income, plus spending only 6 hrs a month with the kid so loads of free time, focus on career which means chance to earn even more.
can’t anyone see how the law in the UK (which does not force a parent to spend time with kids, unlike other countries) and leave the majority of living expenses to be paid by the caring parent, is totally unfair? If anything the parent having the kids more should be untitled of more money taking into account the time the person spends with them.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable for asking him to pay a fairer share, regardless of what you plan to use that money for. But by the sounds of it he seems happy to do the bare minimum and only fulfil his legal responsibilities so I wouldn’t be too optimistic that he’d agree. Hopefully he’ll get this promotion and you’ll see an increase in cms that will help with everyday costs

Are you the dad cus your going hard to try and force your point! There are things she can do in the hopes of getting him to parent. No one said anything about forcing him. There’s a whole court system for parents to use when the other parent is useless or uninterested so give it a rest!

I don’t recall saying it would. I said for set visitation.

Are you the dad cus your going hard to try and force your point! There are things she can do in the hopes of getting him to parent. No one said anything about forcing him. There’s a whole court system for parents to use when the other parent is useless or uninterested so give it a rest!

Which law in court would be used to force a parent to spend time with their child?

@Nosygirl01

OK where is your legal source to force a parent to parent? Was it wrapped around fish and chips?

No in this country you cannot. In other countries like Switzerland is considered a duty (and a right) to spend time and provide for the kids. So court sets date and if the father does not abide can be prosecuted.
I never realised this country was so backwards with kid rights and in the end women’s rights as the mother ends up 90% of the cases having to parent alone and cover majority of expenses as it is obvious in this case. Men get away with really little. 6h a month and £800 on an income of £80k is disgusting and show no respect to the kid needs and rights.

I’m getting pissed off now with this. I have never said she can force him to parent. Get a fucking grip.

Asking for more money towards childcare, then using the money you currently pay towards childcare to pay for a cleaner is totally fine.

This way you're not asking for money for a cleaner but you are still being honest

Do you mean you never get a full weekend with her, and he varies week by week?

bollocks to that. Tell him he can have her every other weekend, including overnight, or not at all.

Are you in the UK? Have you been through court for visitation of a child? Had a judge deal with your case? Give you a child arrangement order?

I’m getting pissed off now with this. I have never said she can force him to parent. Get a fucking grip.

Yes you did:

There’s a whole court system for parents to use when the other parent is useless or uninterested so give it a rest!

youd be better taking him to court for set visitation

I'd also suggest having some chamomile tea.

@Nosygirl01

Are you in the UK? Have you been through court for visitation of a child? Had a judge deal with your case? Give you a child arrangement order?

Indeed I'm in the UK. If you could find the law which states that a resident parent can take the non resident parent to court to force them to have visitation when they don't want to.

@Nosygirl01