It’s a wedding one…

[Montasaurus]

AIBU in 2024 to expect a thank you card/message after attending a wedding/celebration event?

I have attended three weddings this year. One cost literally thousands of pounds for myself and my OH because it was abroad (as were the hen/stag celebrations) plus we gave a monetary gift too.

Only one of these wedding couples has sent a thank you card post event (not the abroad one). AIBU for saying this is basic manners to send a thank you card? Horrified.

I would expect a thank you for the gift... not especially for the attendance.

It infuriates me when thank you cards aren't sent! I just think it's the height of bad manners. However, I once waited a year for a card!

(thank you for gift, not attendance)

I agree. The bride and groom should thank anyone who gave them a wedding present (whether or not they attended the wedding).

Thank you cards are a thing of the past for most people.

The rest are raging.

Thank you card for the gift is non negotiable.

I see weddings abroad, as lovely mini breaks and do not begrudge the money at all, and dont worry about thank you cards

I am planning on sending personalised thank you cards but I need my photographer to send me my pictures first so I can carry out my plan

A thank you card for your gift, yes but not for attendance. If being a stickler for detail you should be writing to thank them for the opportunity to share their day.

We sent everyone a handwritten thank you card, and acknowledged gifts on that. We had to wait ages tho because lots of people (mostly family) wanted photos on them and we had to wait for the photographer to send them.

I think thank you cards for a wedding are a must but I do think people are sending less cards nowadays.

I'd rather get a prompt handwritten note. The photos delay proper thanks and just end up in the bin.

If I received a thank you card it would be binned shortly after, a thank you in person is more than enough. Why do they need to repeat it in writing?

We were waiting for our photographer to send our pics, then my dad died unexpectedly six months after the wedding and never got round to it. Had them ready to go at one point but just didn't seem right while grieving. Having said that, would never expect one as a guest.

I sent my nephew money for his wedding,was small wedding abroad and l wasnt invited, not even a text to say thank you. That will be the last gift l send him.
Last year we attended the evening reception of some friends, put money in a card, again no thank you. I dont need a card, but a txt would fine.

Sending written thanks is a small token effort to people who have gone to great effort on one's behalf.

It's part of the ongoing dialogue in social relationships. Verbal thanks is a paltry 10-second effort if that.

Each to their own.

The thank you is for the gift not for attendance. The obligation is on the attendee to thank for the invitation not on the hosts to thank for attendance.

People don't even send invites out, let alone a thank you card. YABU.

@BettyBardMacDonald
It's a rubbish use of the earth's resources.

A face-to-face thank you should be enough. Surely you are regularly in touch with the person who you forked out for a destination wedding? So enough has been said between you? The ability to message, without using or manufacturing something has taken away the need for cards.

Because it's basic good manners to thank people for gifts.

In 1991 I wrote thank you letters. Standard format: how lovely to see you at our wedding, we were so glad you came; thank you so much for your gift of x (thoughtful, useful, beautiful), etc.; we have had a lovely honeymoon and are looking forward to the future - a full side of letter paper.

We got home from honeymoon on Saturday afternoon, the letters (about 60) were in the post on Monday morning. Together with letters of thanks to the: vicar, the flower ladies, the organist and choir, the string quartet and the caterers.

DS got married a couple of years ago. DIL sent personalised cards within two weeks of getting home. I'd have been disappointed if she hadn't.

@RosesAndHellebores yeah 1991. In 2024 people say massive thank yous face to face and also phone calls and text messages. Maybe it's a regional thing too as all the weddings I can think of that I've been to in the last 10 years, we've received 1 letter afterwards (which went in the bin), and that was from a family who are very old school and they send a thank you for absolutely everything.

Why? Thank you cards are definitely dated. You were thanked with a meal and a party.

Both parties need to send thank you cards:

The guest writes to the bride and groom to thank them for including them in their lovely day.

The bride and groom write to the guest to thank them for the present. They don't thank them for attending though.

@Shawdee not my experience at all. I would think your friends and acquaintances very rude and would have been disappointed if my DIL and DS had not thanked guests for wedding presents. It is expected even in the 21st Century. They are 29. Basic manners have not changed over the last 35 years.

I’ve voted YANBU but I understood it to be expecting thanks for a wedding gift. I’m not sure I’d send a card for attendance but I’d certainly thank in person. But then if you’re attending then you’ve probably gifted, so….yanbu.

We got married (elopement) last year and everyone who gave us a gift, whether they came to our after party or not, was sent a handwritten and personalised thank you card.