To have just wanted a relaxing massage?

[Salumthecat]

I suffer from severe anxiety and have a lot of tension in my back, shoulders and legs, I also have plantar fasciitis which can be excruciatingly painful.

I started booking regular massages with a woman who runs her own business. To start with I found it a really relaxing experience and it relieved pain and left me feeling less stressed but after the first few massages things changed.

During a massage I want to clear my mind and relax and enjoy the experience but the therapist started becoming really chatty. She was asking lots of questions about if I had any holidays planned, do I have any children, talking out her own life and family, stuff she’s watched on tv etc…
i felt it’d be rude to say I didn’t want to talk and she might be like that with all her clients, most massages I’d had previously though were silent except for the odd question like about my preference of the pressure or being asked to turn over and the background music playing.
I found it distracting and I was focusing on the conversation instead of just enjoying it, I also started to feel like she was bored doing the treatment in silence which made me feel under more pressure to engage. I like a chat at the hairdresser or getting my nails done as it helps pass the time but during a massage I prefer if to be peaceful and quiet.

I also realised the treatment time seemed shorter as well, it was advertised as 50 minute treatment time but states when booking to get there 10 minutes earlier. I took from the wording that the massage should last the whole 50 minutes and that wasn’t the appointment time.

At my last visit to this therapist the massage was booked for 3pm but I got there at 2.45. I was taken into the treatment room straight away and as i undressed and took my watch off I noticed it was 2.51, I waited around 5 minutes for the therapist to come back into the room and when it was finished I looked at my watch again and it was 3.17 Thats a lot shorter then I paid for and previous appointments had felt a similar amount of time so I imagine they were also cut short.

I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything but I was a bit pissed off and felt more stressed then before I went in! I had arranged things round this appointment. Travelled there and back and paid for parking and it cost £60 which is a huge amount of money for me.
To start with I found it was worth it and I don’t spend a lot of money on myself really, after this I felt a bit short changed.

The actual massage was great except i asked for more time on my feet then anywhere else but they were only massaged briefly. I was asked which areas I wanted focused on so I didn’t just request a different service.
The therapist seemed like a lovely person. I liked her and I like to stay loyal to a business.
She always had someone waiting for her after I was finished so she is obviously fitting in as many clients as she can to make money, I don’t blame her at all but after I realised how short the treatment was I didn’t return.

I started to go somewhere else where so far I’ve had the full fifty minutes I paid for, there is minimal conversation and she focuses on the areas I ask for, I left a tip and good reviews every time.

The previous therapist has somehow found out I’ve gone somewhere else and has sent an email to me asking why and saying she thought I was a loyal client and wanted to know what she’d done wrong.

I felt so guilty reading it and she kind of accused me of not supporting her business and it looking bad to other clients that I’m going somewhere else.

I’m not sure if I should just leave it or reply and tell her straight. I live in a small town and I hate the idea of people gossiping over this, all I wanted was a way to de-stress I’m spending a lot of money on a luxury so it’s no good being more stressed out afterwards!

I know this isn’t an enormous issue and I’m probably overthinking it but that’s anxiety for you!
Would I be better just ignoring her email and hoping I don’t bump into her somewhere or replying and explaining my reasons?
I know it would have been far better to say something at the time but I didn’t have the confidence and didn’t know what to say without it sounding like I was timing her.

I’d appreciate an outside opinion and to know if I’m being ridiculous and completely overthinking this or if it would bother anyone else please?

You’re allowed to go elsewhere! If she has directly asked you for feedback, I’d give it to be honest. You don’t have to be cruel, you can just say what you did here. I don’t know how she found out though, that’s a bit concerning that she seems to know that information.

Now that I've read the post where she stopped people in the street asking about you, I'd even go so far as to send her a review by recorded post and suggest that her techniques for gathering feedback need improving and that you're tempted to post a review of her services on line - she clearly has zero boundaries so why should you be worried!
Something like "Visited X salon a few times in the past 6 months. Found the treatments to be shorter than their advertised duration and not relaxing (unless you like chatting throughout a massage). Learned that therapist discussed me with others when I didn't return to salon, so if you value your privacy, you might want to give them a fake name when booking LOL" or some flavour of that.

Honestly, I think you should get angry with her - how very dare she!!!!

As a massage therapist who runs her own business, I can advise:

Please don’t feel you should respond to this lady (I cringed that she asked you to almost explain yourself!) - but, some constructive feedback will help her.

You have every right as a paying client to choose where you want to go.

As a therapist and as I client myself, I hate talking to clients whilst giving massages and receiving them! So I agree.

i also ensure my clients get the time they pay for as well - but I don’t pack clients in like sardines so it does depend on the structure of the day.

For those with Plantar, I’ve had it for 9 months, what cured me;

• Massage
• Physio (with massage)
• Special supportive in-soles to cushion the foot
• Do not walk around bare footed or in flip flops or sliders whilst out and about

There's no obligation for you to respond, I had a similar thing with my nail place I go to, I changed after 6 years due to a few issues and they sent me a message a few weeks ago saying they miss me! They might miss my money but it's not the same thing- I didn't reply.

It sounds like you really need to work on your self esteem, and your healthy entitlement to receive the time you pay for, and to say- I'd prefer a relaxing massage, do you mind if we don't have a conversation or something along those lines. Until you learn to speak up for yourself, things like this will keep happening to you

I actually think this masseuse is completely unprofessional, especially asking people in the street! First rule for any massage therapist is confidentiality! When I worked as a masseuse, I would take a chatty client as someone who isn't relaxing properly to get full effect from the massage. I'd shorten replies to a chatty client to ease them, but never initiate a conversation, its a quiet treatment! I was taught to listen to the breathing to gage what was working. Absolutely provide honest feedback, to not provide a full treatment, is probably why business is slowing. This therapist may be inexperienced and learn from loosing your custom. If you buy a 5 night stay and are told to leave after the 4th night you would say why, this is no different. You shouldn't have to tell a masseuse not to talk, that's a given. Also to dicuss your treatments with people is awful practise, I'd mention that as another reason you'd now feel awkward returning to her.

Wow, that is so unprofessional and strange! You don't owe her loyalty, it's a business, not a gang!!.so you clearly know her locally a bit as well, she has laid on a guilt trip and sent the most unprofessional email. She should really have differentiated between work and private life. I understand why you feel uncomfortable. I'm sure nothing bad was said but she was in the wrong.

Feel free to ignore. It is not normal to check up on you and message in such terms. However, if you wish to respond, feel free to let her know frankly.

'this is an unexpected message. I would be happy to give feedback but am I am not particularly comfortable with being held accountable for your income stream, or with the discussion you had with my friends. The massages were a professional arrangement. It is quite unusual that you have followed up by checking up on me with my friends. If you had a welfare concern, you have my contact details.

However, for information, the first X massages were satisfactory. The last was X minutes shorter than the 50 minute slot and concentrated a lot less on my plantar fascitis areas as discussed.

I book massages to help with relaxation and anxiety I left the last feeling unrelaxed due to the ongoing chat which was not a feature of previous massages. It is not for the customer to ask the masseuse to stop talking about assorted topics including TV so I wasn't comfortable feeding back at the time. I have now found a practitioner who is a better fit.

Please do not contact me again on this matter. I am happy to move past outside the business as we have known each other a long time it but please be aware this was quite the overstep'.

I know it's arsey but id be pissed off at being asked. I think she's really overstepped the mark. That's quite weird. I know it's not confidential in the same way as a doctor but there's a very personal service in my view

Simiar problem here, my feet are short and wide....its bliss when you find the right shoes. I have gone into cosyfeet trainers.

I would reply very nicely and just say she gave great massages however you were gifted a few sessions with the new place and realised after those treatments that you really valued the Silent Appointments and benefitted from the the full 50 minutes.

You understand that she probably reduced your appointments from 50 to 30 mins and focused on some areas more than others because she had used her professional judgement but that the appointment wasn't just for your physical wellbeing but your mental health too ansort would have been helpful if she could have discussed that with you first so that you could have had a conversation about it as actually the time and experience is more important than the physical benefits.

Basically just add loads of fluff to say uou wanted a silent appointment that lasted the full time you'd paid for.

Actually whatever you do, it's going to be awkward. She will probably promise the world to get you back.

@Salumthecat

I think @Onehotday has a very good summary that is polite but gets over the clear message not only that the massages had become unsatisfactory but also that she has been totally inappropriate in asking your friends about you.

You have no obligation to reply but if you would like to that message would be a good start. I think I would want to make a few pointed comments!

I don't want more chat in a massage beyond things like, "have you any problem areas this week?" and "how do you find this pressure? I can go harder or lighter if you need."

I would be tempted to respond that her asking about you in the street is one of the reasons why you don't go to her any more, but it's probably better just to leave it. You could give her constructive feedback on appointment length and chat, but only if you want to, and be clear you're not planning to go back. If it were me, I'd probably think about giving feedback, but not prioritise it, and then find 6 weeks have gone by...

No one is gossiping about you, you can change places as many as you want. You could take it that she's genuinely interested to know why you've not returned.

You could send an email back explaining your reasons, they are valid and will help her going forward, but also have a response as to why you won't go back in your pocket for when she asks. How about :

Hi x, thanks for the email, I appreciate you contacting me. Yes I have started using x as it suits my needs better. As you've taken the time to find out what there were a few reasons for my moved, which I've put below, this isn't personal and I did enjoy my time with you.

I paid for a 50 minute treatment but they've been getting shorter, with my last visit being no longer than 20 minutes.

I expressed areas I'd like covered by the session, these are problematic areas for me and you didn't spend any more time than normal

Must admit I do prefer no chat, I love to switch off and just enjoy the moment, probably my fault for not telling you this 😊

Anyway I hope this helps your business and all the best

X

I would reply and highlight the following points:
• that I find it highly unprofessional to have my personal business discussed with my friends
• that I find it strange and uncomfortable to receive this kind of email asking why I have gone elsewhere
• that £60 is far too much money to spend on a massage that barely lasts 20 minutes
• that perhaps the massage therapist should ask her clients if they want a quiet peaceful massage or would prefer to chat ... easy to do at the beginning of a session and clears up any misunderstanding

Extremely cheeky to send that kind of emotional blackmail kind of email, she deserves to hear the feedback even though she probably won't like it.
Ask her if she would like you to leave a review for her outlining why you haven't gone back.

I do actually-my masseuse and I both love cooking, and spend a lot of time chatting about recipes. But i's down to personal preference (and she does a very good job too)

@Onehotday has a perfect response.

I'd say reply or don't but don'tnfeel you must give a fuzzy, placatory message.

She was wildly unprofessional. Certainly don't suggest it was your fault for not clarifying you didn't want to chat. It isn't standard practice to talk rubbish at a client throughout a massage.

She's forgotten she is supposed to be professional. I'd be fuming if I knew a beautician was talking about me to others

Nobody’s going to gossip about where you do or don’t go to get a massage.

You are completely entitled to go wherever you want and you don’t owe this masseuse an explanation. I’d just ignore the email, personally.

If you stopped shopping in Asda because you preferred Tesco, you wouldn’t be obliged to explain yourself. This is no different.

I have said similar at the hairdressers and its worked for me.

I'm just thinking, if she wants honest feedback about her service she's needs to set up a short customer satisfaction survey they clients are asked to complete anonymously. Depending on how many clients she has she may guess who said what. But then she needs to improve her service and act on the feedback in good faith. Without confronting people. Not harass people who choose to go elsewhere!

Her asking friends on the street about why you stopped going is completely against GDPR guidance and patient confidentiality! I don't know if there is a masseuse registration/association, but in some professions, they could be struck off for breaching confidentiality!

I think this is perfect!

The fact she read the positive review you posted elsewhere and still doesn't get where she went wrong probably means she does not want to know, and has an ulterior motive for emailing you I.e. trying to get you to come back. Because of that, I would not engage. She is being unprofessional in so many ways.
Ps I hate it when they talk during a massage. So unrelaxing.

This

Appalling customer service to chase you like that.

I disagree. So many people pleasing statements for what? 'i appreciated you contacting me' no, it caused anxiety. 'it was probably my fault...' it wasn't , 'i did enjoy my time with you' not the part where she didn't shut up for half an hour.

I don't mean to be rude to PP who took the time to compose this but why so much soft soap when the masseuse behaved downright creepily?

We've just been conditioned to soft serve everything. There are ways to be polite and direct, with no BS.