To have just wanted a relaxing massage?

[Salumthecat]

I suffer from severe anxiety and have a lot of tension in my back, shoulders and legs, I also have plantar fasciitis which can be excruciatingly painful.

I started booking regular massages with a woman who runs her own business. To start with I found it a really relaxing experience and it relieved pain and left me feeling less stressed but after the first few massages things changed.

During a massage I want to clear my mind and relax and enjoy the experience but the therapist started becoming really chatty. She was asking lots of questions about if I had any holidays planned, do I have any children, talking out her own life and family, stuff she’s watched on tv etc…
i felt it’d be rude to say I didn’t want to talk and she might be like that with all her clients, most massages I’d had previously though were silent except for the odd question like about my preference of the pressure or being asked to turn over and the background music playing.
I found it distracting and I was focusing on the conversation instead of just enjoying it, I also started to feel like she was bored doing the treatment in silence which made me feel under more pressure to engage. I like a chat at the hairdresser or getting my nails done as it helps pass the time but during a massage I prefer if to be peaceful and quiet.

I also realised the treatment time seemed shorter as well, it was advertised as 50 minute treatment time but states when booking to get there 10 minutes earlier. I took from the wording that the massage should last the whole 50 minutes and that wasn’t the appointment time.

At my last visit to this therapist the massage was booked for 3pm but I got there at 2.45. I was taken into the treatment room straight away and as i undressed and took my watch off I noticed it was 2.51, I waited around 5 minutes for the therapist to come back into the room and when it was finished I looked at my watch again and it was 3.17 Thats a lot shorter then I paid for and previous appointments had felt a similar amount of time so I imagine they were also cut short.

I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything but I was a bit pissed off and felt more stressed then before I went in! I had arranged things round this appointment. Travelled there and back and paid for parking and it cost £60 which is a huge amount of money for me.
To start with I found it was worth it and I don’t spend a lot of money on myself really, after this I felt a bit short changed.

The actual massage was great except i asked for more time on my feet then anywhere else but they were only massaged briefly. I was asked which areas I wanted focused on so I didn’t just request a different service.
The therapist seemed like a lovely person. I liked her and I like to stay loyal to a business.
She always had someone waiting for her after I was finished so she is obviously fitting in as many clients as she can to make money, I don’t blame her at all but after I realised how short the treatment was I didn’t return.

I started to go somewhere else where so far I’ve had the full fifty minutes I paid for, there is minimal conversation and she focuses on the areas I ask for, I left a tip and good reviews every time.

The previous therapist has somehow found out I’ve gone somewhere else and has sent an email to me asking why and saying she thought I was a loyal client and wanted to know what she’d done wrong.

I felt so guilty reading it and she kind of accused me of not supporting her business and it looking bad to other clients that I’m going somewhere else.

I’m not sure if I should just leave it or reply and tell her straight. I live in a small town and I hate the idea of people gossiping over this, all I wanted was a way to de-stress I’m spending a lot of money on a luxury so it’s no good being more stressed out afterwards!

I know this isn’t an enormous issue and I’m probably overthinking it but that’s anxiety for you!
Would I be better just ignoring her email and hoping I don’t bump into her somewhere or replying and explaining my reasons?
I know it would have been far better to say something at the time but I didn’t have the confidence and didn’t know what to say without it sounding like I was timing her.

I’d appreciate an outside opinion and to know if I’m being ridiculous and completely overthinking this or if it would bother anyone else please?

Why didn't you say I'd prefer not to chat ir that's ok?

i would say that you felt the bookings were getting shorter even though you were paying the same throughout and that the last time you went you timed it and you were out within 20 mintutes, thats less than half of your booking and just that you have gone elsewhere as they can accommodate a full booking

I live in a small town and I hate the idea of people gossiping over this

Absolutely nobody in your town even knows or cares that you get a regular massage, or where you go for it. And nobody is gossiping about it, I assure you. 😂

I have my own service-based business and sending an email out to try and re-engage clients who haven't been for a while is common, however it's usually a generic email, and my booking system will filter to send the email only to clients who have e.g. not been back in the last 6 months.

Given how much you appear to have over-thought this whole thing, I'd be interested to see the exact wording of her email to see if she really has 'accused you' of not supporting her business and it looking bad to other clients that you've gone elsewhere, or whether you've read it with your overthinking anxious slant, and read something that really isn't there.

Anyway, I'd always want to receive honest feedback from my clients if I was asking for it.

So something like "Hi X, thank you for your email asking for my honest feedback. I prefer a silent massage, you have chatted throughout my recent treatments. In addition, the last few times I've visited you, I have only received a 30 minute treatment but have been charged for the full 50 minutes. I wish you all the best with your business for the future. Please remove me from your database and don't contact me again. Thanks"

I would respond and just be completely honest.

What a copout. It is personal. She's not brilliant because she short changed the client, didn't ask the client if she wanted chat or not, and ignored the client's request for areas of focus.

How did she even find out you’d been somewhere else? That is very cheeky of her!

Id keep your reply nice and simple and say you prefer a quieter massage without chat.

I know how annoying it is- I’ll never forget going for a massage on a spa day with a friend and tney put us both in the same room, like a couples massage. This was fine, but my masseuse was silent throughout and hers did not stop talking! My friend didn’t respond, just a few “hmm…yeah” here and there, but the woman was just going on about her garden, being allergic to cats, and her fave food. I kept huffing and at one point raised my head and glared over, but she didn’t get the hint. I wasn’t brave enough to say something in the moment, as didn’t want it to her awkward, but afterwards my friend and I complained to the receptionist and we got some money back.

How annoying. I wouldn't find that at all relaxing.

I recently discovered dry water massage beds. It is a game changer. It still helps massively with my tense muscles and fibromyalgia but no need to take your clothes off and no need to talk to anyone during the experience. I fell asleep during the last 10 mins of today's session.

The place I go to isn't as fancy as this but it gives you some idea of what it involves.

https://www.lifehouse.co.uk/treatments/popular-treatments/dry-water-massage-bed

Similar happened me. I went to a new massage place, booked a 30 minute massage but got 20 mins. Didn't want to complain there & then so I put an honest review online. They responded by offering me a free 20 minute massage. I had to pluck up the courage to go back but I did as I knew I had nothing to be embarrassed about. You need to be honest with her

sorry for going off topic but I had plantar fasciitis for years. What fixed it permanently was wearing Crocs....the original fugly clog kind made from Croslite and get the literide kind if you can. I know some people would sooner have their feet cut off than wear them but it worked for me. To start with they were pretty much the only shoes i wore (they were allowed at work) but now I can wear what I like again. I should say i have never been able to wear heels not even in my teen years, OP I would tell the masseur....tactfully but tell her.

I would be seeing an osteopath instead of a masseuse! Yes, a masseuse massage can be relaxing- when not chatting non stop and taking the piss with time! I've always found an osteopath far more therapeutic and they have medical knowledge to actually target the cause of the tightness etc and help it improve. I've also had plantar and my osteo manipulating my foot was almost orgasmic 😆

Its absolutely none of the previous masseuses business you are going elsewhere and her email alone is rude!

IF you do reply to her and outline the issues, I'd keep it much more succinct and far briefer than your OP.

don't reply to her personally.
leave an honest review in a public forum.

The woman doing my massage went off and answered her phone halfway through!

I've worked as a hairdresser, and I was trained to be really chatty. But I hate getting my haircut and having to talk so much that I really put it off till my hair is really long. I think you should tell her

Why not tell her the truth? Which you should have done at the time!
The chat you should have said right away that you just wanted to relax and not chat.
But the time thing - just tell her that you felt you were not getting the same service as you had in the beginning.

It's quite literally her business! If she's losing customers, surely it's better for everyone that she finds out why so she can improve things?

I’ve complained before about a masseuse chatting throughout my massage. It was first massage there as we were on holiday and the lady was very inappropriate with the conversation talking about personal stuff I’d had to declare on the consultation form (breastfeeding and a c section in the last 12 months)… she asked why I had a c section… and criticised bottle feeding saying the silicone harms babies (I actually mostly pumped) and a whole lot of other awful examples. Worst massage of my life and was £100++

Ended up getting 50% off next stay which we accepted as there were other things to do on site and my parents wanted to take us there as well so we were planning on going back. Just avoiding the spa next time.

But I don’t blame you for wanting a nice quiet massage every other massage I’ve had they’ve been quiet - and I’ve had a lot of massages!!

Id reply and explain why. Or just ignore, tbh she’s a bit cheeky emailing, but the feedback may help her.

Weirdly I’m in a bit of a similar issue with my regular massage lady on the timings thing. When I arrived she’d accidentally shattered a bottle of oil so spent about 10 minutes of my session clearing it up. I assumed she’d just run over slightly to make up for it but she didn’t and I felt a bit short changed.

She's not rude. She's asking for customer feedback, albeit clumsily.

OP I would tell her but I know many on MN love to ghost/slow fade as a hobby.
I'd tell her what you really liked and what you didn't like, and what made you go elsewhere. Be prepared for her to ask you what it would take for you to give her another try.

If you phrase it carefully then it doesn't matter if other people find out. Can't be worse than her telling people that you suddenly stopped going to her and ignored her messages.

Just ignore it. You are allowed to go wherever you want. That's very rude of her.

Sometimes i like to chat during my massage. Other times, as I lie down, i tell her I'm knackered and will probably fall asleep during it as so tired and looking forward to shutting my brain off for an hour! It works for me anyway 🙃

Tell her the truth and also let her know that you are being honest with her to help her going forward with other customers!

I’d agree with some of the suggested replies put forward by others mentioning you preferred getting the full session time and more quieter sessions etc, but you wish her all the best. I suspect she’s had a few regulars leave for similar reasons, so she’s trying to find out what the issue is. It’s a pity she’s so self unaware.

I had an occasional cleaner who started to take the piss in terms of leaving earlier when there were still more to clean despite the fact I’d always tip her. The second time she did it was the last time I booked her.

That’s exactly how I felt, that if I was blunt and just said something that I’d spend the rest of the massage going over and over what I’d said in my head and it’d have felt too awkward.

The new place I go to is great, I feel really comfortable and I get the feeling they would take the hint if they started to chat and I didn’t engage much.

That’s such a shame you’ve had to give up something that helps, I thought it was universally understood that you go for a massage to relax and not chat!

Tell her straight, she's asked. Or don't reply.

The wording on the email was:

A greeting and some polite chit chat then this -

“ I was wondering how you were when you didn’t book, I assumed it was due to people not wanting to spend at the moment with the cost of living. I’ve lost a few clients due to them cutting back and it’s affecting me as well.

I saw one of your reviews for *** place online and realised you were still getting massages but no longer coming to me. I asked Laura and Carla how you were (my friends but fake names) when I saw them in town and asked if they knew why you’d stopped coming but they said they didn’t know.

I only asked in case I’d done something wrong or upset you somehow, if I have I apologise but I’d like to know why so I don’t make the same mistakes
It was a bit of a blow to see your glowing review of the other place and it made me worry that people who know you came to me regularly might think I’ve done something to upset you and it might put them off booking in future.
I’m not blaming you, it’s always good to leave a review for a good service but I’m just worried about my business at the moment.

I’m sorry if this seems out of order me contacting you and asking questions like this, I just wanted to apologise if I’d done something wrong”

It was all a bit passive aggressive and she clearly has been gossiping to my friends and someone mentioned it directly to me who we both know.
It’s a really small town and everyone knows everyone and they seem to be invested in the most boring of things!

I might respond but I just feel like it might lead to more emails and justifying myself which I really don’t want to have to do. I don’t think she’d take the criticism well.

Most of that email is actually ok, better than I thought it would be based on your OP. She acknowledges that it's awkward and potentially overstepping to even ask you.

But asking your friends about you in the street!? OMG that is unhinged. I'd be quite furious about that and therefore unwilling to give her any information that might have been helpful to her.

I think if I were to reply at all it would be 'I'm really uncomfortable with you discussing my situation with mutual friends and would appreciate it if you don't contact me again or talk about me to other people.'