To have just wanted a relaxing massage?

[Salumthecat]

I suffer from severe anxiety and have a lot of tension in my back, shoulders and legs, I also have plantar fasciitis which can be excruciatingly painful.

I started booking regular massages with a woman who runs her own business. To start with I found it a really relaxing experience and it relieved pain and left me feeling less stressed but after the first few massages things changed.

During a massage I want to clear my mind and relax and enjoy the experience but the therapist started becoming really chatty. She was asking lots of questions about if I had any holidays planned, do I have any children, talking out her own life and family, stuff she’s watched on tv etc…
i felt it’d be rude to say I didn’t want to talk and she might be like that with all her clients, most massages I’d had previously though were silent except for the odd question like about my preference of the pressure or being asked to turn over and the background music playing.
I found it distracting and I was focusing on the conversation instead of just enjoying it, I also started to feel like she was bored doing the treatment in silence which made me feel under more pressure to engage. I like a chat at the hairdresser or getting my nails done as it helps pass the time but during a massage I prefer if to be peaceful and quiet.

I also realised the treatment time seemed shorter as well, it was advertised as 50 minute treatment time but states when booking to get there 10 minutes earlier. I took from the wording that the massage should last the whole 50 minutes and that wasn’t the appointment time.

At my last visit to this therapist the massage was booked for 3pm but I got there at 2.45. I was taken into the treatment room straight away and as i undressed and took my watch off I noticed it was 2.51, I waited around 5 minutes for the therapist to come back into the room and when it was finished I looked at my watch again and it was 3.17 Thats a lot shorter then I paid for and previous appointments had felt a similar amount of time so I imagine they were also cut short.

I didn’t feel comfortable saying anything but I was a bit pissed off and felt more stressed then before I went in! I had arranged things round this appointment. Travelled there and back and paid for parking and it cost £60 which is a huge amount of money for me.
To start with I found it was worth it and I don’t spend a lot of money on myself really, after this I felt a bit short changed.

The actual massage was great except i asked for more time on my feet then anywhere else but they were only massaged briefly. I was asked which areas I wanted focused on so I didn’t just request a different service.
The therapist seemed like a lovely person. I liked her and I like to stay loyal to a business.
She always had someone waiting for her after I was finished so she is obviously fitting in as many clients as she can to make money, I don’t blame her at all but after I realised how short the treatment was I didn’t return.

I started to go somewhere else where so far I’ve had the full fifty minutes I paid for, there is minimal conversation and she focuses on the areas I ask for, I left a tip and good reviews every time.

The previous therapist has somehow found out I’ve gone somewhere else and has sent an email to me asking why and saying she thought I was a loyal client and wanted to know what she’d done wrong.

I felt so guilty reading it and she kind of accused me of not supporting her business and it looking bad to other clients that I’m going somewhere else.

I’m not sure if I should just leave it or reply and tell her straight. I live in a small town and I hate the idea of people gossiping over this, all I wanted was a way to de-stress I’m spending a lot of money on a luxury so it’s no good being more stressed out afterwards!

I know this isn’t an enormous issue and I’m probably overthinking it but that’s anxiety for you!
Would I be better just ignoring her email and hoping I don’t bump into her somewhere or replying and explaining my reasons?
I know it would have been far better to say something at the time but I didn’t have the confidence and didn’t know what to say without it sounding like I was timing her.

I’d appreciate an outside opinion and to know if I’m being ridiculous and completely overthinking this or if it would bother anyone else please?

Also, she's not really interested in your feedback. She's 100% focussed on reviews, both hers and her competitors'.

She saw my review from the new place I have started going to online.

I just checked it and I’m surprised she needs to ask why I stopped going as i mentioned about how I appreciate getting the full treatment time and that it’s a relaxing comfortable atmosphere with no chit chat.
I have a feeling she knows exactly why I stopped going and this is just an emotional blackmail technique so I feel guilty and go back.

The talking drives me mad, my partner had a massage at a hotel spa break and the therapist started telling him about her mums health problems and stopping when she got emotional.
He ended up comforting her and said it was so awkward, we didn’t feel we could complain as she was obviously having a hard time and we didn’t want to get her in trouble

I’ve had it for years and I find Birkenstocks help. The problem is (this is very outing but never mind) I have very small feet, they are children’s size 12 so it’s almost impossible to find well fitting shoes. Most don’t even have laces they have Velcro!

The massages do help a lot, if I’m in a lot of pain at the time it eases it and feels amazing.

I also bought an electric foot massager from amazon for £40 which I use every night that helps.

Something else worth trying is a “plantarcure” device, it is a little chargeable device that
“generates high-frequency waves which passes through the skin to the damaged fibres. Pain is transmitted as impulses in the large sensory fibres of the body and by applying a certain frequency to the area of pain, it interacts with the pain impulse transmissions, causing disruption. The pulse is effectively ‘scrambling’ the sensory impulses to the extent that they cannot be interpreted as pain signals by the brain”

(quote from website)

I’ve been using mine for 3 months and it helps a lot, I was waking up in agony and struggling to walk before.

It's terribly unprofessional of her to have contacted you this way and laid on the guilt! I'm not surprised her business is suffering if this is how she conducts herself.

Your positive review should make it perfectly clear to her what the issues are (if she didn't already know), and frankly, after her pushy email, I'd want to avoid her entirely. If you do reply, I'd just be honest, but the problem is that she'll almost certainly offer to make changes to entice you back, which will feel awkward to refuse, yet you likely don't want to return to her after all this. I can only imagine that the atmosphere would be decidedly uncomfortable. YANBU to ignore her email if you'd prefer. She shouldn't have sent that!

Since she's asked I'd definitely give her some feedback. She ripped you off that's not nice. She is very cheeky to ask though.

I absolutely wouldn’t reply. I would ignore. She is pushy and nosey and between not giving you your full time, not knowing that a massage isn’t a quiet space for you and asking your friends !!!!!! It’s just not on - ignore

She shouldn’t have messaged you! But I would reply saying you’d rather no chatting throughout a massage and you would like to ensure you get the full time that you pay for. That way she can learn from it and quietly give her future clients what they’ve paid for! I mean, besides a minute or two at the beginning perhaps, who the hell wants to chat during a massage?! Rule 101 on being a massage therapist surely!

Had you spoken with her about your friends knowing you were having massages with her? I find it unprofessional to speak about clients with other clients, but then I work in a profession where confidentiality is critical.

i’d reply. Sorry to hear you are worried about business. The cost of living is having an impact on so many. £50 is a lot for me but I factor it into my budgeting as massages and that time to just be really improves my wellbeing. X’s treatments meet that need more. I pay for the full £50 minutes worth of treatment, rather than a shorter massage within the 50 minute slot, and it is so quiet and peaceful. X and x wouldn’t have known about my treatments, unless they read my review, as I’d rather keep that information private.

Give her honest feedback, that you had expected the full 50 minutes and whilst at the beginning it was good you found subsequent treatments shorter and that for you a massage is meant to be relaxing but found the talking meant you were unable to relax fully.

You don't owe her anything and if she's a good therapist (she doesn't sound like it) she'll take the feedback on board and be more mindful with future clients.

This is your money and you're paying for a service that you haven't been getting, unless people are kind but honest no one has the opportunity to change.

Is this how the massage was sold though? As a ‘zen relaxing massage’? Then the client could reasonably expect silence.

If I have a massage it’s for a specific practical reason - I have been having an issue with a sore x, y, z - and need their skills as a masseuse to loosen the area off. I would never expect silence, but then I would never go to a therapy-style massage place, The masseuses I see would never stay silent - it would be creepy and I would feel somewhat self indulgent. You would never expect a sports massage to be silent for instance. That would be quite rude.

A massage not lasting for the displayed time is clearly unacceptable.

"because I can't afford to pay £60 for a 20 minute massage, this feels a bit more luxurious than my budget allows as presumably you would have to charge around £150 for the 50 minute massage I was previously getting. I'm so very sorry I wasn't aware the original £60 for 50 minutes was some form of introductory offer.
Please feel free to share my feedback with others Byeeeeee"

i get regular masssge to help
manage pain and if it wasn’t working for me anymore according to how you describe it. would definitely change therapists and would not feel bad about it. Where I go, the receptionist asks for brief feedback after each massage so that would be a way to give honest feedback to another person if o wanted to. The therapist I use only talks of I talk to her and I get the full time so you did the right thing. I wouldn’t worry about people talking, if they do, just ssy’’it wasn’t working out’ or, ‘we weren’t a good fit.’

The therapist has sent you a request the feedback. Her explanation why she wants it sounds reasonable but passive aggressive and unprofessional so would annoy me. You are under no obligation to reply but if you decide to , I would probably say something like, ‘thank your email requesting feedback. As you are aware, I pay for massages in order to help manage very painful symptoms of plantar fasciitis etc… and unfortunately the 50 minute massages I purchased were not meeting my needs. They began to get shorter and I don’t find that talking during a massage helps me so it wasn’t a good fit. All the best for the future. ‘

or be really to the point and put:

1. Massages were cut short.
2. Too much talking to be able to relax

Hope your symptoms are more managed now, op.

Wow after reading her email she's a real cheeky and unprofessional cow.

How dare she question you friends about you?!

My response would be along the lines of-

Hi X,

I had hoped to save your feelings in just not rebooking. I do not appreciate you asking other people about my private life, that's really invasive and unprofessional.

I have moved to another salon firstly because the service was no longer enjoyable due to you talking to me all the way through. It is meant to be a relaxing experience and I tried to gently let you know I didn't want to chat but you continued. Secondly because you were not giving me the time I paid for. You have repeatedly cut my time short and not focused on the areas I asked for.

In the interest of not hurting a small business I chose not to write the above in a review and simply move elsewhere.

Regards
OP

I wouldn't respond. You don't owe her an explanation and frankly you don't need guilting into returning to her. The nature of this time of work is its transient. It's unrealistic to expect every client to stay forever. She has been extremely unprofessional in blocking you.

I left a hairdresser abruptly after a few years as I got sick of her rude behaviour. She does ask after me (my adult dd attends) but she has never gone as far as to contact me.

By fluke I discovered a new massage therapist near to me recently. Had my first session this week. I was extremely grateful that she told me she wouldn't say much unless she needed me to move/change position, the shite music was optional, and I got the whole allotted time!
It is difficult to find a therapist to suit your needs, I think I've found mine finally.
As for that email @Salumthecat I would be really pissed off. How dare she discuss you with your friends! That crosses a line for me.
If you want to give her feed back I'd make it factual and short

1. you didn't give me 50 mins but charged for 50 mins
2. you talk far too much for a massage to be relaxing
3. you broke my trust by discussing me with my friends. HTH. Salum. Good luck with whatever you decide 🪻

I would tell her. She's obviously gone out her way to ask for feedback. It will help others I'm sure if she is aware.

Though I can't believe she's emailed you which js unhinged cheeky

I used to give aromatherapy massages and tbh spoke very very few words. As the therapist I found being silent gave the client a far better experience and, maybe selfishly, it was almost a treatment for me too - the aromas and zen music.
You don’t owe an explanation and I think she’s a bit cheeky to ask but as she has you can be very honest in your feedback should you choose to reply.

I honestly wouldn't reply to her at all.

1: She will guilt you (even more) by saying that you should have said something at the time. Now, she is upset that you didn't mention anything at the time. "Stuff was going on at home" Blah blah..

2: She will possibly offer you a discount or a free massage as she really needs your custom etc "so sorry to have upset you"

You will then be in the same position you are now.
Do you ignore her follow up/discount offer?
As by then you are engaged in the dialogue.

The best response is no response.

I’d say something like ‘although initially the service I received from you was exactly what I was looking for, over time the massage treatment time was halved and ceased to be as relaxing as they became more chatty. It was my choice not to discuss this with you. I am very surprised that you have approached other people about my experience and suggest you refresh yourself with GDPR rules.’

I’m a massage therapist and I don’t talk during a massage unless the client wants to chat. I actually find it really annoying to chat while I’m working, a massage is hard working if done correctly and I can’t chat and breathe while putting effort into a massage, Also I count in my head at various times and it puts me off.

Some clients like to get things off their chest during a massage, but I usually listen and make the odd agreement sounds.

As for the treatment time being cut short, that’s awful. Although I advertise my appointment time and say it’s approximate. So say it’s a 60 min massage, the time getting undress and dressed is included, but I’m only the other side of the door and go in when I hear the treatment couch has a weight on it. So it’s probably 2-3mins either side. That’s totally normal. Missing 20 mins off a massage is not. That’s unacceptable behaviour.

If the therapist is chatty, you could ask "Can I ask you, as I've been meaning to for a while now, but when you put 50 mins on your treatment brochure for X treatment, does that include the time spent for me getting undressed and waiting for you to return to the room or is it the duration of the treatment itself? I've never quite understood the duration that I see put on treatments in spa brochures."

See what they say.

I'm shocked at her message. Don't reply unless it's literally you talk too much and cut the massage short and certainly never see her again. Very unprofessional. Chatting to your friends about you. I hope they realize it's unprofessional too.

I wouldn't have thought so - she is doing research on why someone who claimed to be a loyal customer has moved to a different service provider.

I would respond to her and say these are the reasons that I have moved service provider (talk in a pure business way so you're keeping any sort of emotion out of the conversation)

• I wasn't getting the full 50mins massage I was paying for
• The massage wasn't relaxing
• When asking to focus on key areas (feet/wherever) they were given a cursory look over and not worked on long enough to be effective.
• Wasn't value for money based on these issues

You've since found another service provider who has been able to meet your expectations and you're happy now where you are and you are not planning on returning for the foreseeable. Then hopefully she will improve her service for the next customer

I used to be a massage therapist and it is upsetting when long term clients go elsewhere. But she would’ve gaged from your review why you did.

I would reply, tell her why and leave it at that. I’ve also been on the end of crappy massages, one was half hour shorter than I booked and the therapist left the room for a bit!! I left a review and she denied it all. I’m in desperate need of a massage but am worried about booking anywhere