To be upset that my kids don't want to spend time withwith me?

[Ktkitkatk]

Single parent to 2 DS 14 and 12.

Trying to do one fun pricier out of the house activity a week during the holidays.

They don't want to do anything I managed to get them out for the first couple of weeks to mini golf and go karting including lunch while out at their choice of food place. Now they say they just want to "chill at home" when I try to organise anything.

They're happy talking to friends online and gaming in their rooms and only come out for food.

I turn 40 this year and I'm feeling a bit wobbly about that and being alone so I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive about this whole thing.

I'm exactly the same.

I offer and they know that we can do anything they want to during the holidays but so far we've only done a few days out the rest have been 'chilling' or out with friends.

They don't warn you about this when you have kids 😂 I just want the needy kids back now

Sounds normal to me! At this age they are more interested in their friends than anyone else. Once a week is possibly a bit much, but they might appreciate it once a month? it's hard when they start moving away, but you will always be their safe person when they need you

Mine went to boarding school and saw friends sporadically in the holidays. Obviously before kids were glued to computers and phones. To be honest, I just told them what we were doing. And off we went. They didn’t get to choose to do nothing. Obviously some chill time but not at the expense of doing other things.

Haha yes I read these posts and think make the most of the small years while you can. I don't miss the 5.30am wake up calls though!

I forced it yesterday tbh, dc 12, I said if you don't enjoy it we won't do it again. He had a great afternoon and was all apologies, asking to go again today lol. We didn't but swam in the sea instead. I find it helps to offer to bring a friend, would this suit you? I do think sometimes it's OK to say 'Today we're getting out of the house together'. Now if they're happy at home and busy and not on screens the entire time they're chilling, I wouldn't mind too much and it is nice to be able to have those lazier days too.

That's a nice way to think about it, Thank you 😊

Are they not leaving the house at all otherwise? I wouldn’t be happy with that - can you find errands to send them on?

Yes maybe I'm being a bit optimistic, I just don't want them to feel that I'm not making an effort. I'll let them have a week or so then suggest something else. Thank you 😊

Your DC are happy and safe in their home, relaxed and enjoying themselves. You have won the parenting lottery for as long as that lasts, so don't waste a moment of this blissful window between the pressure of non stop entertaining and the worry of wondering what they're up to! Put your feet up, read a book, take time to yourself. Look upon it as a job well done.

Also, we made a bucket list at the start of the summer which included day trips of choice, rainy day and no money activities. When were wondering what to do, we have a look at that.

Mine are the same, drag them out for food but that's it. Can get them to fun things if they take a friend so I opt for that so they have fun. If they are happy I am x

That's lovely that he enjoyed himself and wanted to go out again today. We did go out last week with DS12 and a friend and he enjoyed it. DS14 is more tricky really

I try to have one outing with them a week, not always big - just where we go out together - even if it's uniform shopping.

I've been through it and also found it tough, I hear the relationship gets better when they get older. Maybe time to invest in yourself and find out what you like to do as an adult, get out there and meet new people and have fun.

They will walk to the shop to get me a pint of milk etc. They do visit their grandparents once a week and will occasionally come to a big shop with me if it involves food. It's difficult to force them out of the house though especially DS14 who is a lot taller than me and is extremely stubborn.

My ds (13) isn't given the option of gaming all day.

If he wants gaming time he needs to do like for like sports and other activities.

We've done swimming, tennis, kickboxing, walks, beach day, trampolining, cinema, rock climbing etc... they have to have some sort of exercise or fresh air every day! It's not good for their MH to be in front of a screen all day.

I think I need to adopt that attitude really, I just feel guilty that I'm not doing enough even when I am.

I agree I have worked with teens with MH issues in the past, but it's difficult when I'm working and also have no other adult to back me up. During term time they are a lot more active and get out a lot more it just seems they don't want to do a lot this summer.

You have my kids!

Younger one is always on pins in case her mates are out. It's feast or famine with her.

Older one lives in his room, but will come out if he deems a point to it. Aimless walking- no. 'Let's go and see this thing we've never seen '- yes.

This summer they've been on holiday- which I kind of think makes up for 5 weeks of their own time.
1 cinema trip.
2x shopping trips
2 x walks somewhere or other.

I didn't do anything with my parents as a teen. They were embarrassing. I spent a lot of time in my room. Including warm, sunny days.

My 13 year old DD is like this at the moment. I know in my rational mind that it’s very normal and I don’t worry about it but it just makes me sad sometimes.

We have always been close (single parent family) and still are in many ways but I miss the days when she and I hung out all the time. We do do things together but I feel I have to force the issue a lot.

This is a lovely response, Thank you 😊

That sounds like a good idea maybe I'll try some low pressure things.

It is harder with a 14yo I'd say. I find the friend I bring is always v appreciative, which dc is proud of, and he might get an invite back 😉 My dc is also involved in a sports club which helps as he goes there for hours at time some weeks, which is great.

Next week we will go with friends to a local waterpark. Like a pp screens are 2-3h in the morning and then not again till after dinner.

I used to do that when they were little but they don't seem so keen anymore. I think they like to see how they feel on the day rather than having plans which is difficult.

We can't win as parents can we!? I have young kids and I'm constantly frazzled, wishing I could have 10 minutes to myself. I know I'll feel just like you in 10 years.

Life is strange. I think you can just roll with it at that age.