To be upset that my kids don't want to spend time withwith me?

[Ktkitkatk]

Single parent to 2 DS 14 and 12.

Trying to do one fun pricier out of the house activity a week during the holidays.

They don't want to do anything I managed to get them out for the first couple of weeks to mini golf and go karting including lunch while out at their choice of food place. Now they say they just want to "chill at home" when I try to organise anything.

They're happy talking to friends online and gaming in their rooms and only come out for food.

I turn 40 this year and I'm feeling a bit wobbly about that and being alone so I'm not sure if I'm being over sensitive about this whole thing.

@5128gap brilliant reply. Love it !

I think if they generally have interests that motivate them and they are active usually, it's not such a thing. Sometimes they like the easyness of just taking it easy, especially if term time is super busy.

If you can afford it, Merlin passes have been amazing for taking my big kids out!

My 17 year old has just gone out in the pouring rain to meet his friends 🤷‍♀️
I miss the days when they had just had their bath, got into their pjs and were tucked up in bed!
Pulling away from doing activities with mum is normal, it's the slow journey to independence kicking in. It sucks at the time though.

Absolutely this.

As a kid, in the 90s... A long time ago..
I was dragged all over the damned place to do 'fun' things my dad decided I needed to do.
Fine when I was 9. A trip to a park and an ice cream, a wander around a castle, a trip on a bus all great.. by 12/13/14? Nah mate, I wanna hang with me friends and resented being dragged to castles and shit.

Back then of course, hanging with friends meant going up the BMX track / reck (or is it wreck?) / park etc.

We'd hang out, climb trees, kiss boys, by 15/16 we were drinking 20/20 whilst the lads downed White Lightning.. some of me mates were up the spout by 15..

These days, kids hangout with mates online, in games. You might see a kid sat slack jawed staring at a screen, but the truth is, they're hanging out with friends,
If they're online gaming, they're planning raids together, playing roles within a team together, accomplishing their goals and completing their tasks which gives a sense of a shared accomplishment which makes their bond stronger.

I think this is developmentally normal for their age

What's hard is the loss of outdoor autonomy kids show at this age. So...you probably wouldn't mind it they were out at the park or beach etc with mates or even just cycling to a fiends to listen to music

While I do think they need downtime I actually really dislike the teen obsession with chilling out. It tends to mean hours of staring at screens .

I have a 5yo DD who follows me, talking the whole time. I need to remember this thread when she is driving me round the bend

Mother of a two year old.
Mindblowong to read this and realise that it will be ME harassing him for company in ten years.

I always presumed I'll be finally enjoying my long baths and watching endless Netflix

😆😆😆

@Ktkitkatk

take the money that you would have spent on the day trip and treat yourself OP!

I think like some PPs I’d just enjoy it! They’re safe and at home and happy, as they say.

I might go for turning the wifi off for a few hours in the day because I think Dawn til dusk on screens might be a bit much. But not sure if I actually would 😂

I have a 10 yo who has ADHD and therefore either wants constant, in my face entertainment, or if I can’t provide that, a screen. He will do some non screen activities by himself but only if the means to do them is left out, in the middle of the room, right in his face. If stuff is put away, it doesn’t exist in his head (lego or similar).

Then my other one is 15 and is on a German exchange on her own 😱

Single mother of 4 here...youngest 13. I just got a puppy 😭

You see I think I am fundamentally lazy and not naturally inclined to caring - I have no inclination to get a puppy once my children no longer need me so much!

Im happy to look after my own children due to that instinct we have, but it doesn’t apply to anyone or anything else.

You might be! People have different personalities 😀

I have two, aged 12 and 15. Generally we just tell them it’s family time and that they are coming if they like it or not! And they normally have a nice time despite initial whinging.

They do have more time then I would like sitting at home on screens. But we all
need down time, and they are pretty non-stop with activities in the school term.

Maybe it is just the way you have written it and of course I could be wrong but they are your children not your friend they are not responsible for your loneliness you need to work on that yourself

We would all love that but we are too far North from any of the big theme parks unfortunately so wouldn't get our moneys worth.

When I referenced being alone it was more that I don't have a partner to help navigate this stuff and the guilt that comes with that.

Oh wow I'd love a puppy but I have cats and I work strange hours so a dog would be on there own a lot 😔

Haha make the most of the cuteness now

Yes this is exactly it! The fact we used to spend so much time outdoors when that were young and now they are horrified by the idea is hard. I'm off tomorrow afternoon so I'm going to plug into a podcast and take myself off for a walk somewhere

Thats true, thank you. They do have clubs over term time and school sports teams so I should be grateful that they are both so active usually. I need to remember that they are growing rapidly and that does affect energy and motivation levels

It does feel like there's always a different degree of something to be frazzled about as a parent 😖

I get that completely. My first dc especially had a very outdoors first five years, so for him now to resist a bracing walk or a beach trip feels like a punch in the gut and I want to say 'Yes you do like it!'