Dealing with cold shoulder from new colleagues...

[BendyWendy24]

More of a what would you do than aibu...

I started a new job 3 weeks ago and whilst most of my colleagues are nice, a couple of them that I share a department with seem to be giving me the cold shoulder. The only thing I think I could have done to offend anyone was in the first week when I used a set of equipment where my colleague came over and said it was hers and not to use it again. We have a range of laptops/tablets etc to use where you just collect a computer before going to work on your own tasks and we each have our own private offices to work in. My line manager showed me where the tech was kept on the first day and told me to help myself, no mention of designated equipment and all equipment is owned by the company. My colleague and her friend (my other colleague) now blanks me 🤷‍♀️

I only really need to say hi and bye to these colleagues, as we work in isolation most of the time, and I always make a point of saying good morning/ bye, how are you etc, but it is usually met with a grunt or one word responses and any passing in the corridor to the staff room is just awkward.

I really needed this job to get back on my feet and plan to be here for some time after having a tough few years caring for a terminally ill relative, but dealing with my colleagues is becoming soul destroying.

How do you deal with this? Do I deal with it or just ignore it? I really don't have the headspace for this at the moment.

Don't worry about it, ignore their attitude and be professional and polite. It doesn't sound like a very sociable set up, if that is what you were looking for after your care giving, maybe give it a few months and move on?

It's uncomfortable when you've hardly got your feet under the table isn't it.
If it is the equipment thing that would be unfair but people can be unfair.
It could be something else entirely you're not aware of, possibly down to some office politics you don't yet know about.

Either give yourself a pep talk and remind yourself it is something in their mind and not personal so try to observe it in a detached 'oh that's interesting' kind of way 'fancy being cold towards someone you don't even know, glad not everyone takes that approach to life'

Or

Project easy going confidence and take a paths crossing moment to say 'i feel we might have got off on the wrong foot, hope there's no hard feelings, but if I've trodden on any toes while finding my feet it was not intentional. See you in the meeting later (or whatever)'

Don't give them the satisfaction of grunting at you. Stop saying hello/good morning. They will pick up on that. Make a point of saying hello to the other colleagues that don't act like mean girls. If you have a communal space where you can interact try and make the effort with the others. You will feel much better even if you only have one or two people that engage with you.

You only need to say hi/buy to this colleagues. It is hardly "dealing with them". I would continue doing what you are doing and get on with your day. Don' make it a bigger deal than it needs be.
When you bump into them in a corridor, just smile and keep walking. No need to say anything.

Agree, no need for any drama, OP. Just continue saying good morning/goodbye with a breezy smile; they'll either come around or others will notice they're being twats.

I think @DeathByResponsibilities bit about getting off in the wrong foot is the way I’d go. I’m uncomfortable with an undercurrent of bad feeling even if the people aren’t really of much importance in the scheme of things.

TBF to op I had a colleague who started by refusing to speak to (obviously, as in saying hello to everyone by name and not to me) and proceeded to full bullying.
When eventually I challenged management treated it as a personalily clash which it most definitely wasn't.

This

How unpleasant of your colleagues. I suspect it is nothing that you have done. I would suspect something like they recommended a friend for your job or they feel threatened by having a new person (you) especially if you are well turned out and are more highly qualified than them.

They may improve once they have seen you are ok. If it becomes worse, report it to your management.

Just stop trying. You really don’t need to give them the headspace.

You're going to have to learn to deal with difficult people as you'll meet them throughout your working life. As always, just be polite and professional.

I like the maxim: What others think of me is none of my business.

Fuck 'em.

Crack on with your day and don't give it a second thought!

Maybe one of them (or somebody they know) applied for your job, and they resent you for it.

Two stories.

1. My new place, I'm bank. Two mean women. I say hello, they dont even change their facial expressions. Now I am polite, but dont engage. I'm nobody's doormat.

1. My partners place of work. Small company premises closed, they move to big company premises, the CEO owns both companies. Three women in big company, one in small. The three women.....wont let the new woman use their toilets as 'we all have our own cubicle.' I mean can you seriously imagine it!!!

The moral is, sometimes people are shocking. Dont be shocking yourself and dont be a pushover. Good morning to those who are nice, nothing to those who are not.

Be yourself, be polite, continue to greet your colleagues as you would anyother human being , do a good job and don't give them the satisfaction of taking up any time in your brain. They aren't important enough to you if they can't be civil and kind.

There is no way I’d put up with this shit-it can easily escalate into full on bullying tactics.

Tackle it head on ‘Can I ask if I’ve done something to upset you? I understand there was a mix up over laptops on my first day but bow that I understand the system I hope that’s been resolved?’

Watch them squirm and switch on the ‘nice’ face. If more of this kind if twattish behaviour was called out, workplaces wouldn’t be so bloody toxic.

It’s probably politics - maybe you came in at a level that they think could block someones promotion

so… don’t worry about it

keep saying hi and bye but not much else and just be yourself - and smiley and warm. Sometimes even asking them a question about how things work can break a barrier as you will come across as humble.

and if they continue to be downright unpleasant - you can either just ignore them or get rid of the elephant in the room by saying what @DeathByResponsibilities says - ie I hope I didn’t do anything to get off on your wrong food, thanks for your help, see you later.

Politics and they have probably been there a while. Just do your job and blank\ ignore them. It is a bit like hot desking, some desks are hotter than others. When you are new they are all available but with time you can see some are favourites.

I ended up sitting amongst a project team one day and they treated me like I didn't exist. I started earlier than them so they were not in when I had to choose a spot.

I think some people are just like this. I have problems with one specific person at work, he will speak to me but also make comments about me and my work. When I started his friend was off all the time and I ended up doing her job, I was new to the company but done a very similar job before. I was good at the job so they left me on it. Since then he makes comments that I don't work and talk all the time. He has reported me to management with no outcome. I am just very organised and experienced and it doesn't take me as long as others.

I'd go for a breezy 'good morning' then retreat to your room with your kit and get on with your work.

Sometimes you meet small minded nasty people and you just have to navigate around them. They really aren't worth bothering with. I'm sure there are others in the company you can make friends with.

Agree with this entirely. Blank them. It will turn the tables on them and later on as you gather allies, they’ll be on the outer. I’ve done it before when in a similar situation and it works.

They may just be like this with everyone. If not I would continue with a cheerful “Hello, lovely day” and “Cheerio, have a lovely evening “. If you do ignore them or ask if there is an issue and they are being mean they will likely use that as evidence of “She is unpleasant to us”. If they are like it with everyone they are unlikely to change, if it is just you they will soon move on to be unfriendly to someone else and maybe even make you flavour of the month. I would not want to be in their gang!