Dealing with cold shoulder from new colleagues...

[BendyWendy24]

More of a what would you do than aibu...

I started a new job 3 weeks ago and whilst most of my colleagues are nice, a couple of them that I share a department with seem to be giving me the cold shoulder. The only thing I think I could have done to offend anyone was in the first week when I used a set of equipment where my colleague came over and said it was hers and not to use it again. We have a range of laptops/tablets etc to use where you just collect a computer before going to work on your own tasks and we each have our own private offices to work in. My line manager showed me where the tech was kept on the first day and told me to help myself, no mention of designated equipment and all equipment is owned by the company. My colleague and her friend (my other colleague) now blanks me 🤷‍♀️

I only really need to say hi and bye to these colleagues, as we work in isolation most of the time, and I always make a point of saying good morning/ bye, how are you etc, but it is usually met with a grunt or one word responses and any passing in the corridor to the staff room is just awkward.

I really needed this job to get back on my feet and plan to be here for some time after having a tough few years caring for a terminally ill relative, but dealing with my colleagues is becoming soul destroying.

How do you deal with this? Do I deal with it or just ignore it? I really don't have the headspace for this at the moment.

I would ask them outright - 'have i done something to upset you?'...., these pathetic cliquey women really boil my piss

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Don’t give them headspace. They probably don’t like you because you are the shiny new toy and they feel threatened by you.

Sorry, had to laugh at the baking biscuits suggestion.
They know they are being low level hostile, and you can't respect someone who kisses your arse, so it would just be demeaning!

Make everyone else biscuits and be generally lovely until they look like utter arses for being cold... If you like the biscuit approach, but trotting round practically with your pinny on to ingratiate yourself would be cringe-tastic.

Far more effective to test them as though they're invisible and focus on people who will give back!

Like fuck would I make someone who is repeatedly and intentionally rude to
me a sodding biscuit! Why not just tattoo “doormat” on your forehead?

Never fails to amaze me how women are brought up to be so people pleasing and wet. Can you imagine a man doing to that to rude bastards at work!

Good grief, these comments! All the game playing and ingratiating yourself with the two pathetic characters, please do not make biscuits!

Ask your line manager for clarification about the equipment. Is any of it up for grabs or is some of it designated for specific people?

Remember that you do not have to be friendly with other employees, (although it does make the time pass more pleasantly) but always be professional and polite.

👌

To be completely honest with you, I’d recommend for you to find a good counsellor/therapist/mindset coach to help you navigate this and help you figure out how to not let this affect you so much. Saying it is soul destroying to be in this situation, it’s clearly having a big impact on you. Whilst I think they sound rude, and not very kind supportive colleagues. I also know that we have no control over other people’s actions or behaviour towards us, some people are just not for us, and the only thing we can control is our reaction/feelings/how we let ourselves feel & deal with these situations. It will be much better long term to get help with managing your own things than either doing nothing and having your soul destroyed every day, or end up quitting and potentially facing similar problems elsewhere x