Dealing with cold shoulder from new colleagues...

[BendyWendy24]

More of a what would you do than aibu...

I started a new job 3 weeks ago and whilst most of my colleagues are nice, a couple of them that I share a department with seem to be giving me the cold shoulder. The only thing I think I could have done to offend anyone was in the first week when I used a set of equipment where my colleague came over and said it was hers and not to use it again. We have a range of laptops/tablets etc to use where you just collect a computer before going to work on your own tasks and we each have our own private offices to work in. My line manager showed me where the tech was kept on the first day and told me to help myself, no mention of designated equipment and all equipment is owned by the company. My colleague and her friend (my other colleague) now blanks me 🤷‍♀️

I only really need to say hi and bye to these colleagues, as we work in isolation most of the time, and I always make a point of saying good morning/ bye, how are you etc, but it is usually met with a grunt or one word responses and any passing in the corridor to the staff room is just awkward.

I really needed this job to get back on my feet and plan to be here for some time after having a tough few years caring for a terminally ill relative, but dealing with my colleagues is becoming soul destroying.

How do you deal with this? Do I deal with it or just ignore it? I really don't have the headspace for this at the moment.

Ignore them.

I know how disheartening this can be.

make a note of the date it happened and any instances going forward. Then kill them with kindness! Greet them every morning with a bright smile and after a very enthusiastic interaction, asking how they are, how was their evening, did they get upto anything exciting last night, remind them to have a good day and go on your merry way.
every time you meet them in passing give them another glorious smile and ask how their day is going.

it is exhausting, but nothing unites people
more then a common enemy. One of them feels slighted and has bad mouthed you to the rest. In my last role I was hired to replace someone who had been there for 30 years and retired. She was beloved and revered and a shoulder to cry on for all. I am not that type of person, I just wanted to be trained and get in with my work, not sit around and chat. It did rub people up the wrong way, but I kept my head down and smiled my way through it. They warmed up to me eventually but I was promoted after 3 months so who’s laughing now 😃😃

I'd probably bake some biscuits/ cake and go and offer it round with a cup of tea, and try to start up a breezy conversation (obviously trying to find a non busy time). Or even just "hey, I baked some biscuits, they're in the staff room if you want some!"

It's a miserable workplace where you can't pass the time of day with your colleagues.

I work in a similar set up, we all have our own offices, but we will go and pop our heads round to ask a question and then end up having a chat, or we'll see each other coming and going and say hi.

I can't imagine how awkward it would be to not have that with people who sit in the room next to you all day.

The truth is, if you're nice enough to people then they tend to come round and the ones that don't just end up looking silly.

Be nice to everyone and make effort to grab people for a chat (noticing when they seem free and less busy), ask questions about them and their lives etc, try to notice where you might be able to be of help to others, and most people will start to like you.

some people are just arseholes, there's nothing you can do about it. I'd just be absolutely delightful to everyone so eventually they look ridiculous for having been so mean to you.

I'm on team be polite and be seen doing it. Happy good morning, cheery good evening, have a great weekend etc

If you retaliate by ignoring them, if it comes to complaints you'll all be seen as co-instigators. If you have a consistent pattern of being nice and friendly and people have seen that, then no one can say anything bad about you.

I'd probably bake some biscuits/ cake and go and offer it round with a cup of tea, and try to start up a breezy conversation (obviously trying to find a non busy time). Or even just "hey, I baked some biscuits, they're in the staff room if you want some!"

Thats an awful lot of trouble to go to for people who are playing silly buggers.

Have you had a chance to observe whether they treat everyone the same way? Maybe they just aren't sociable friendly people? If that's the case, there's nothing you can do, but at least you'll know they don't dislike you, and that might help how you feel.

Yes, that's a good idea. I used a similar approach on the next door neighbour when she was giving me the silent treatment after I wouldn't agree to them building an extension over the property line.

I always gave her a wave and a smile and asked how her roses were doing, then breezed off, pretending not to notice her lack of response. My relentless cheerfulness and refusal to acknowledge that she was being cold did grind her down eventually. I think she felt silly trying to blank someone who was being friendly.

Now she says hello and chats a bit. Not like she used to, but that's okay. I'm sure she hasn't forgiven me, but it's no longer awkward.

Urgh hate the fawning “bake some biscuits”
responses they will hate you even more
for being a doormat.

Just ignore them. Can’t be personal you’ve barely been there.

It’s a different dynamic with a neighbour than a work place/

I am another one who would go for breezy impersonal greeting in passing on my way.
I have also in the past, very privately in my head nicknamed someone Vinegar Tits. It always made me smile!!

I'd go with the killing with kindness...not the baking and stuff but making a point of Hi and bye, have a good weekend, did you have a lovely weekend and big smiles !

In my head I channel Victoria wood who turned to camera and said in full children’s tv presenter style “well she wasn’t very nice was she boys and girls” 😀😀

Perhaps this. But record record record and maybe look for another job in the meantime.

Some workplaces are dominated by pathetic game playing specimens who are so unhappy with their own shitty little wasted lives they relish taking it out on others.

I used to work in a really toxic workplace. No-one spoke to me for months. I just got on with things (It was my first role after retraining and I had to get through a certain period of time). Then it became clear when a new member of staff joined and I heard my line manager (and hers) sniff with a shitty tone; 'Well, she won't last, so I won't waste my time getting to know her'.

I was always friendly. When I finally quit (after 4 years) one of my colleagues wept in my arms and said I was the only person who ever spoke to her.

But it's not you. It's them. Stick it out for as long as you can but look out for better- because you deserve better.

I love this 😀 🤣

Me to. Might try that irl 😆

Just ignore it! For people like this I continue to say a simple "Good morning" or "Good bye, have a good evening" but nothing more. Accept that they don't want to be friends, some making an effort beyond the professional work you need to do and concentrate on your job. If you feel a bit put off by it then take up a hobby or find other friends. I find a yoga class on the way home from work, or a walk banishes any lingering feelings until you cope with it better. They sound like a couple of twats, probably old timers who think they own the place and reckon it'll fall apart with out them.

I'd do the opposite, be friendly to everyone. Be the bigger person.

My workplace has started to get a bit like this. Our manager and her favourite team leader have taken against another team leader, to be fair she hasn't helped herself, but she has had a few serious personal issues and they haven't been there for her. They don't know the meaning of duty of care.
They are now not speaking to her and by extension because I get on very well with the person the manager is not bothering with me either. Water off a ducks back for me after nearly 20 years I am retiring soon but it is making it a toxic place to work, staff morale is lower than its ever been.
We can't take it any higher as they are both very good friends with their manager, they all go drinking together so I think my friend will have to move on.

Don't greet them any more, like they have done to you, just blank them, so if you need to discuss anything to do with work just be direct with them.

They will notice a change in your demeanor. Cover yourself by being civil but take no nonsense from them. This way, you can not be pulled up for anything. Also cover yourself regarding the machines ( laptops) speak to a member of staff such as a manager and find out if the machines are designated to certain people or not, if not then use them and any shenanigans from vinegar tits just speak to a manager who should pull them up.

People like those two are like bad eggs, they turn the team sour.

What you don't need when starting a new job is any nutter working against you.

Agree with @GirlMumGabby entirely. I would not say anything about getting off on wrong foot, they will deny it, and it’s another opportunity to be mean, making you feel even worse.

As others have said the reason they are snubbing you may be nothing to do with “you” as a person there is likely a backstory.

It's lucky that you don't work directly with these people and it seems like them not liking you won't have a negative effect on your work, as it might if you had to collaborate in a team. Personally I would go with the solution of continuing to be polite but not the killing with kindness. You want to stay professional - if managers notice anything it should be that you dealt with them in a sensible and polite way and got on with your work. Getting sucked into any drama looks bad. The plan to bring in cookies etc could backfire and end up with more drama.

Please have some dignity, and do not bake treats for this pair of arseholes! They will have even less respect for you if they know you're tying yourself in knots trying to win their approval.

Personally I'd keep saying hello as usual, because you want to be seen to be professional and not engaging in any drama. Have a little chuckle to yourself at their predictable response then get on with making friends with decent people.

Keep telling yourself that the problem isn't you, it's them, and you shouldn't take it personally.

In the same day of the incident I would have asked my manager for clarification about the equipment. These colleagues are being unprofessional so it’s not worth relying on what they say.

Give it time, focus on doing your job
Observe them from afar you won't be the first person they have been mean to and it's because youre new, it's 'school playground' behaviour pecking order like chickens in a coop. Be friendly but don't try to be their friend keep your distance and your dignity. Do your job well with a smile go home. Work friendships will grow in time but not with them. And that's fine good luck