Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL insisting DD comes to stay

106 replies

sleepoverrubbish · 13/08/2024 08:35

My MIL has been insisting that DD (aged 12) comes to stay with her for three or four nights.
When we visit we all go and we go as much as we can. We also have an open invite for her to see us literally whenever she likes.

Its not something I understand, even with my own mum who I love and trust completely, DD has only had a sleepover when I gave birth to DS. We just see my Mum altogether and it’s never come up.

I don’t really understand her obsession with it. She has form for getting into massive strops and it feels emotionally manipulative. I also think if she wants a stronger relationship with DD she could actually come visit and help me on a day out as I also have DS aged 10 months but she would never dream of actually being helpful. DD has also said they want their grandmother to visit and would rather they came up than she goes down as she wants to show them our area. She’s excited at the thought of sharing our local haunts with her. Whenever we mention this, grandmother just ignores or laughs.

How would you deal with this? We’ve invited her to visit several times, it’s not an issue with driving as she is happy to drive three hours to us to pick up DD and take her home so another 3 hours. Which I also think is ridiculous at her age. She is 85.

AIBU? I’m exhausted from MILs manipulation. When DS was born she went insane when I said we wanted some space for a week after recovering from a difficult birth. She isn’t helpful so only came to coo over the baby whilst I made her cups of tea and dinner.

Weve had a difficult relationship for years as we are very different people. My own mum is very caring and understanding thankfully and just doesn’t do this, I just don’t know how to handle her.

OP posts:
HelloCheekyCat · 20/08/2024 12:21

sleepoverrubbish · 20/08/2024 12:05

Also I just can’t get my head around the long drive (6 hours) for MIL to come get DD and take her down. We can go down and drop DD off then stay in a hotel but it kind of feels like we are doing this solely to please MIL because she refuses to come up.

It.feels.like you would be solely doing it for MIL because you would be.
If your DD wanted to.go I'd maybe suck.it up but she doesn't do don't force.her.

My DD is TH same age, she just doesn't want to have sleepovers at grandparents anymore, just no interest so we don't force it

WickedSerious · 20/08/2024 12:27

BlueMum16 · 13/08/2024 09:22

The daughter is likely being manipulated into not wanting to as OP can control her.

If the OP was saying 'DD this is great, some 1-2-1 time with your dear gran, get to have adventures ' I bet the DD would go at a drop of a hat.

😂

WinterWonder · 20/08/2024 23:30

My FIL & his wife only ever have the kids to stay & never invite us. Despite having a house with enough bedrooms they prefer to put me & my husband up in a travel lodge and just have the kids overnight. They don’t say so, but it’s because they don’t like us. We don’t like him either, but the kids do, so it works out fine.

MumDaisy1980 · 21/08/2024 16:20

WinterWonder · 20/08/2024 23:30

My FIL & his wife only ever have the kids to stay & never invite us. Despite having a house with enough bedrooms they prefer to put me & my husband up in a travel lodge and just have the kids overnight. They don’t say so, but it’s because they don’t like us. We don’t like him either, but the kids do, so it works out fine.

It's also possible about they wanting personal space rather than not liking you? They do not like the idea of people staying over in they house.

I like my parents but whenever they visit and stay over I felt very uncomfortable. I did not have a good time whenever they stayed over. Our place has enough space.

WinterWonder · 21/08/2024 20:26

MumDaisy1980 · 21/08/2024 16:20

It's also possible about they wanting personal space rather than not liking you? They do not like the idea of people staying over in they house.

I like my parents but whenever they visit and stay over I felt very uncomfortable. I did not have a good time whenever they stayed over. Our place has enough space.

Possible for someone else, but not for him

MumDaisy1980 · 21/08/2024 21:56

@WinterWonder ha, cool!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page