to say that newborns have not read the safer sleep guidelines?

[Lultasway]

My 3 week old baby does not seem to understand that he should be sleeping feet to foot flat on his back in his cot. He would much rather sleep all scrunched up on his tummy on my chest. Nor will he sleep next to me in a safe co sleeping set up - he wants to be on me.

My eldest son (who is much older) used to sleep in any number of places I now understand are deemed unsafe including his car seat, bouncer etc. My DD who is 8 used to sleep brilliantly in her sleepyhead but apparently those are also no longer deemed safe. Swaddles - apparently also no longer deemed safe according to my midwife.

AIBU in thinking surely there can't be many babies happy to sleep flat on their backs alone in a cot as newborns?!

Solidarity OP - I am currently awake with my 5monh old who simply will not stay asleep in the cot. She's got a bit better at it but we are still a very very long way off "sleeping through the night" Every baby is different, this is my third and the sleep deprivation this time around is honestly so horrible.

Look up chest to chest cosleeping. I spent much of the night asleep on my back with my baby on top of me on his tummy during the newborn period. He never rolled off me and if he ever did start to slip a bit I would always wake up and correct his position.

How can you say this so confidently when you don't have the issue OP is posting about?

@Lultasway please do have a look at the co-sleeping resources shared upthread. They do address what you're describing. Have you got a sling for naps? Could you place the cot mattress on your mattress, next to you, and try transferring baby to that after falling asleep on you? That way it's a firm flat surface but less severe transition than a cot.
Do you have anyone who can help for an hour or two in the daytime so you can have a nap?

Oh - I also found if I put my baby down on his side, kept hold of him and then gently rolled him onto his back and stayed holding for a while before releasing that helped the transition.
I also let him sleep on his side way earlier than I should have done. For sanity.

Ack, this resonates so well!! I genuinely thought mine had broken the mould as she was exactly the same! The only advice I can give is hang in there, it does get better, even though you won't feel like it now x

Someone mentioned it up thread but I would seriously look into whether there is a physical reason. My baby would only chest sleep, couldn't be put on his back at all. We had his tongue tie cut and he slept soundly on his back that night. The tension was making it uncomfortable. But yes look up safe chest sleeping. Midwives and health visitors both told me to be pragmatic and consider what the safest thing in that moment was. Falling asleep holding baby v sleepyhead v chest sleeping. None recommended but you have to do the safest thing that works

I don't think there's anything physically wrong. He's totally and utterly settled unless not being held. Hardly ever hear him cry.

He slept like an angel today in his cot snug between two rolled up cellular blankets (I was watching him the entire time). He hates the swaddle but loves being cocooned.

Can you get a mattress topper for your bed?

Yes, my now 2yo did not get the memo. Currently pregnant with second and hoping that they'll have read the brief by the time they arrive

Oops, I didn't realise swaddles were dangerous. Had a baby last year, and we used the swaddle me swaddles, which are stretchy and worked a treat.

Babies like to feel snug and secure. After all, most spent circa 40 wks tucked up in a warm womb.

We used sounds of the womb or mummy's heat beat sounds on the Alexa and the swaddle, and that seemed to work for night sleeps. We also used a next to me cot. I also would 'wear' or wrap the babies cot sheet under my top for a couple of hours to get my smell on them. In the winter, I also pre heated the babies cot by warming the sheet and mattress with a not very hot water bottle for a few minutes while doing our bedtime nursing session.

Day time, however, was another matter. I was nap trapped for months. Spent many days being a mummy mattress and a human dummy for the first 16 wks. Luckily, the eldest was great help and pretty self-sufficient.

Sorry for spamming your thread.

Just remembered in the hospital, the midwives showed us how to make a nest using rolled cellular blankets and then putting the cot over that. Baby was able to be snug and cuddled in. We were in the hospital for nearly 4 days and 24 hrs under jaundice lamps.

Not sure how technically safe that is, but going with if it was used in the hospital, should it be fine at home?

But then again, I am an Internet random giving sleep advice for a newborn. May be do some research and see if this could work for you, especially if baby slept well earlier today.

Ffs *cot sheet over....not the cot tbay would be pointless. I'm going to leave you in peace now

If he's in an actual cot - could you get a moses basket instead with the hood over the top, so that it's smaller and he feels more 'snug' so to speak?

Also, have you tried anything to do with your scent? With my eldest I took a top of mine that I didn't mind losing, I wore it for 2-3 days, and then I cut a piece of it, sorted the edges and then sewed it into a sort of tube shape that I could attach around the moses basket mattress. When baby got older I just put it in the cot as a comforter.

He's in a moses.

Yes tried that tip, didn't do much! The only thing that works at the moment is "cocooning" him with blankets but I can only do that in the day.

I could but I can't see that it would do much- he wants to sleep on me, not next to me.

Take it in turms with the father to hold baby and to sleep

Maybe a (gentle) warming pad on a timer with a white noise heart beat thing playing under it?

(The music device should obviously be wireless.
Any cables for the warming device sound obviously need to be kept clear/secured down very tightly).

The warming pad could be wrapped in something from you, as above.

The snoo is amazing. The motion makes such a big difference. And is super safe.

I had one like that. I just let him sleep on me otherwise I never would’ve got any rest. My HV reassured me about it as I was breastfeeding and therefore (apparently) in tune with him waking / breathing / searching for boob.

I saw on here the other day someone posted that we expect to be nesting animals but we’re actually carrier mammals – our babies want to be on us rather than put down! Good luck and definitely look up how to chest sleep safely. Wishing you some rest.

I'm a single parent.

Can you afford to buy or rent a Snoo?

It's like an extra pair of arms. And you deserve and need sleep.

No, money is very very tight - I'm single and on mat pay.

I mean to make it safe if you manage to transition to co-sleeping

2 of my dds would only sleep well on their side/front so we just put them like that to sleep. Against the advice but it’s what we did to get a few hours of sleep.

Could you put baby down in the pram on his back (in the bedroom) and rock the pram back and forth?
You can get apps on your phone to play white noise/heartbeat noises which are free to download, worth a go also.
I feel for you!