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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would your Dh bring you a gift, would you expect one?

104 replies

Chasingsunsetsalways · 11/08/2024 20:43

Dh has been working away for two weeks (first time doing this)
He brought gifts home for Dd-a teddy, books, sweets, nothing for me, would it bother you?
Would yours bring something for you?

OP posts:

OlympicGoldfish · 12/08/2024 00:06

Something for the kids. I used to ask him to buy me a particular perfume from duty free, though nowadays even that is a bit too expensive and not really much of a saving vs Boots or elsewhere. He’d sometimes pick up something else for me as well. I did the same when I was travelling with work.

Goldenbear · 12/08/2024 00:07

Bad grammar above

Goldenbear · 12/08/2024 00:07

Bad grammar above

Sorry meant with my own post

avignon1234 · 12/08/2024 00:13

No. And I can see from your posts that you were not expecting, just trying to work out what is "usual". I'm the Mum in the working away situation, and I have to travel one in two weeks (mainly UK) but sometimes abroad. Although some things are nice about it, you often have little time, off and on transport, straight to the client when you are tired, meeting new people, giving your best which can mean late nights in hotels doing work, you sometimes see next to nothing of the country you are in other than the taxi in and taxi out, and spending time with people, when you would much rather be in your room just trying to catch up. I stopped the gifts fairly early on (4 kids) because otherwise an "expectation" would have built up. I used to bring back stuff that had been given "en-route" to me for free (airline packs with ear plugs, eye masks and etc.) and if I had time I would buy "local sweets" for them , but other than cigarettes at duty free (husband does not smoke, but someone in the family would always be happy ) or the occasional bottle (again duty free) it is a no. My only exception is that I went to Oman with work and got a day off to explore the souk, and came back with a tea set for my husband, perfumes for my girls, and weird nougatty sweets for the boys. Generally, though, it is just a grind (although I admit a pleasant one some of the time, and sometimes better than being at home, I get that), but your focus is far from home and what can be bought as a gift. You simply don't have the chance, and your head is not in that space, however much you love your home life.

Goldenbear · 12/08/2024 00:16

Lawnorder · 11/08/2024 23:42

I think it’s a dated concept. Travelling for work is now so commonplace (as is travelling for any occasion) it’s just another day at the office but with extra stress. Not sure why the non travelling partner needs to be treated.

I think it is because my DH travels quite regularly for a week or two and I work full time but I’m also looking after the kids and holding the fort. I don’t think I’m my DH’s case he finds it always stressful as he likes to do client meals in nice restaurants or he is in an Air BNB with a nice garden and pool so working there is preferable to a hot office in central London in the summer. He tells me this so I don’t think he sees it as additional stress all of the time, it totally depends on the set up and what kind of work he is doing.

pitterpatterrain · 12/08/2024 00:18

glitches78 · 11/08/2024 20:59

I work away a lot and have never brought gifts. I'm working not on a jolly!

This.

avignon1234 · 12/08/2024 00:21

Oh I would add, if there is something you want, you should ask, but be kind if you do not get. But most perfumes in the duty free are dearer than superdrug anyway. We (me and sister) had a phase of trying to get Elizabeth Ardens's 8 hour tin double pack, which you could get in duty free for half the price of anywhere in the UK. Many a bored hour in the airport spent...

Fifteentreefrogs · 12/08/2024 00:23

No mine wouldn't.
I wouldn't really expect him to..
But it would be nice if he did.
I'd be more likely to bring him a gift.. which is kinda sad.
But I'm an adult so I don't think I'd bring it up tbh..
Jealous of these women who have partners who would think to do this.
But I don't think it's usual so maybe yabu.

housemaus · 12/08/2024 00:25

No, unless there was something there he knew I wanted/that I can't get here (he used to travel to France a lot for work and had a phone list of French pharmacy skincare it's expensive to get here ha).

hby9628 · 12/08/2024 00:36

He would but I would ask him not to unless there was something specifically from where he has been that I would want.

lemarr · 12/08/2024 00:46

Personally yes, he does always bring me back something and I do the same. It’s a small token of “I missed you and was thinking about you whilst away.”

Bumcake · 12/08/2024 00:48

TemuSpecialBuy · 11/08/2024 20:50

Maybeee a bottle of champagne bought on offer only! for us to guzzle once kids are down ✅

Anything else ❌
Id be annoyed at the fact he brought more tat / junk / foll dolls into the house.

Edited

What are foll dolls?

Mine used to when duty free was good, but not so much these days.

MonsteraMama · 12/08/2024 00:51

Lawnorder · 11/08/2024 23:56

@MonsteraMama how is a birthday gift remotely comparable to the need for a gift from some who’s been away from their home for 2 weeks working?

You’re right about the fridge magnet, but that’s a household gift

It's not a need, it's just a nice thing. Do you seriously only do things for the people you love if they need it or ask for it? Not just as a passing fancy, or to make them smile, or god forbid because you like them?

I've never needed a gift from my husband for anything. Still really nice when he thinks of me and brings me one!

(And the bringing up of the lack of birthday celebration was a joke about Mumsnet not me actually comparing this situation to birthdays, I'm sorry you missed that)

Franjipanl8r · 12/08/2024 00:58

I’m not a big gift giver or receiver so wouldn’t want holiday tat and don’t give it either.

Carrotsandgrapes · 12/08/2024 01:15

DP and I give gifts if one of us is going abroad. I like it. It just says "I've been thinking about you". But it's normally just something small. Eg: fancy stationery stolen from work, a favourite bag of sweets you can only get abroad, a postcard we know the other will find funny etc

BoxOfCats · 12/08/2024 09:14

I don't have kids but I do work away sometimes - maybe half a dozen occasions in the last year? I always bring something back for DP. Usually just something small like some tea or chocolate.

WickieRoy · 12/08/2024 09:29

Yes DH always brings me chocolate from the airport as a minimum in acknowledgement that his travel has made my life much more difficult while he's been away.

Plimsoll73 · 12/08/2024 09:32

No probably not, but neither do I when I travel for work. As long as he brings our DS a little treat I am happy.

KreedKafer · 12/08/2024 09:58

He wouldn't bring me a gift and I wouldn't expect one. It wouldn't occur to me to get him anything either, if the situation were reversed.

We do put thought into getting each other nice things for Christmas and birthdays, but other than that, we're not big gift-givers as a couple, really. For Valentine's Day we just exchange cards and we don't give each other Easter eggs or anything. We'd both be more inclined to go out for dinner together as a way of being romantic than buying gifts, I think. When one of us travels we always text each other to say we're missing each other etc.

Lemongrassandcamomile · 12/08/2024 10:26

DH would make an effort to bring something thoughtful back for the kids - a book, or T-shirt or something. If there was a local speciality, he'd bring back something for the house - maple syrup from Canada, Hershey's chocolate from America, cashew nuts from India and, once, an underwhelming box of lentils from Puy. I'd be third on the list and maybe get chocolates.

I had the same order of priority when I went away.

Maddy70 · 12/08/2024 10:28

I worl away frequently. It wokdnt occur yo me to bring anything back for my husband. Why would he want some tat? I would being something sometimes for the kids but not always

bridgetreilly · 12/08/2024 10:42

If you have e.g. a favourite perfume you could ask him to get you some at the duty free, but I wouldn’t expect anything just as a gift.

LoneHydrangea · 12/08/2024 10:45

Mine always brings me back something - usually perfume or a beauty product from Duty Free. I don’t expect it, but I do appreciate it and the fact he’s thinking of me.

IdLikeToBeAFraser · 12/08/2024 10:46

Definitely situational. If DH or I go away for a few days, we bring small gifts for everyone. But we don't go away a lot. If one of us travelled for work, I expect that regular day-to-day travel would NOT lead to gifts. But to be honest, if either of us was away for 2 weeks, yes I think we'd bring gifts - even if it's just a bottle of duty free booze or something.

Drigante · 12/08/2024 10:52

He might, but he would not bring 3 different things for DD. He would bring one thing per child and prob some chocolate or something for me.

It's fairly unusual for one of us to go away and our norm is the one going away is very grateful to the one staying home for doing everything at home single handed. So I would be treated and thanked, but not necessarily with a gift brought home from abroad.

Also after 2 weeks away he'd push for me to take some quality time off myself the following weekend.

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