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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect parents to discourage their rude offspring?

116 replies

EffiePerine · 15/04/2008 18:44

Bus today: middle-class other and child (approx 6 or 7). Child blowing raspberries loudly and brave man (this is a London bus after all) asks him to stop.

So what does the mother do? Look embarrassed and hush the kid? Of course not, she tells the man off for daring to criticise her child and then says...

'Don't take any notice of him, he probably has problems'

OP posts:
bluenosesaint · 16/04/2008 09:53

what colditz said

SueBaroo · 16/04/2008 09:59

Geez, it seems to me like kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore

-------

Oh, what utter bobbins. When was the golden age in which children were allowed to be rude to others? And it wasn't just the child, it was the mother, so an adult.

Yeah, I'm pining for the halcyon days when we didn't bat an eyelid when children and their parents were rude and threatening in response to a polite request for them to stop doing something.

Because, you know, even if she thought that the raspberry-blowing was innocuous, she could have said "Look, it's just a child blowing raspberries. Sorry it's annoying you, but it's not that bad, is it?"

Instead, she chose to hurl a few insults and make a threatening comment referring to her partner. That's the material point here.

coppertop · 16/04/2008 10:01

I agree with Colditz. If you use public transport then noise pretty much goes along with the territory. A small child blowing raspberries isn't harming anyone, surely?

I must admit that I wouldn't have made the same comment that the mother did but I would've been annoyed with the man. Presumably he never once did anything like that when he was a child.

kittywise · 16/04/2008 10:04

So some of you seem to think that: in a public space you have the right to make as much unpleasant noise, disturbing others, even though you can stop it, because it is your right to make whatever crappy intrusive noise you want, or some such shit?

Actually not allowing your child to blow raspberries in an enclosed public space is called being mindful and considerate of others. It's manners. To allow something to happen that clearly upsets someone else EVEN THOUGH you could easily prevent it is called ill manners.

edam · 16/04/2008 10:09

Exactly, bluenose, even if I'd thought the guy was unreasonable I'd still have tried to hush ds. For the same reasons as you. And that's the right response!

Lots of people on public transport are annoying but that's no reason to have a go if someone asks you or your child to be a bit quieter.

bluenosesaint · 16/04/2008 10:11

I just LOL and spat my coffee at the screen because of the 'utter bobbins' line

I'm not saying that the mother was right, and i did say that i would have handled things differently from the mother in question, BUT i would have been annoyed. NOT because of my darling little angel kins had been told off, but because really what was he doing wrong to get told off??

As colditz said, why is someone else whinging at the top of their voice more acceptable than a child blowing raspberries?? Why? Why? Why? should a parent apologise for a child blowing raspberries any more than a wife should apologise for her deaf old hubbie moaning about his bunions??

'The material point' for me is THE CHILD WAS ONLY BLOWING RASPBERRIES!! I fail to see why this is such a huge issue [genuinly stunned emoticon]

bluenosesaint · 16/04/2008 10:13

And just to emphasise again - yes the mother overreacted and that sort of reaction is not helpful at all ...to anyone

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 10:14

Yes ... and in a public place, people are allowed to be noisy. The annoyed party had the option of moving away.

Kittywise, I'm not really sure that stamping on normal childhood behavior is always mindful and good manners. Sometimes it could be called repressive and unneccessary.

I could choose to be annoyed and anything anyone ever does on a bus. Does that mean they should stop?

The mother did not react maturely. I don't condone it. The man, however, was trying to enforce his opinion on what is appropriate behavior onto a complete stranger. He would not have done that had the perpetrator of the silly noises been bigger than him.

I regularly go an a bus where there is a woman who hums constantly. I wouldn't dream of asking her to stop, even though is annoys the hell out of me. She has the right to sit on a bus and hum.

iloverosycheeks · 16/04/2008 10:15

depends on the type of raspberry really little small thrrruppss no problem to me ..big raspberry right in face, THRUPPSSZZZSSS being all sprayed with spittle yuukk

SueBaroo · 16/04/2008 10:15

I thought the focus of the OP was the parental behaviour. Which I do think was out of order.

about bobbins. It's always the things I don't mean to be funny that are...

kittywise · 16/04/2008 10:17

I would say that it is intrusive and can be avoided, THAT is why it is a problem.

I personally hate the sound and I have many young children,

When we are on public transport I expect them to sit quietly and respectfully. Not jigging round all over the place, speaking quietly and being aware of the others with whom they share space.

edam · 16/04/2008 10:17

No, on public transport you don't always have the option of moving away - too crowded. And on a bus you would still hear a noisy person even if you did. I can imagine someone blowing raspberries constantly must be been bloody irritating.

As for squashing normal childhood behaviour, we do it all the time! If I allowed ds to do whatever he wants he'd be running up and down the bus, he wouldn't be at school this morning, etc. etc. etc.

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 10:18

I allow my child to chatter to me on a bus, Kittywise, even when it's clearly annoying some of the other passengers. I'm not going to make him sit in silence just because other people have differing expectations of acceptable behavior. Their expectations are, I'm afraid, their problem. I don't allow him to chatter to other people after one heartless women (in her 40s) told him to "Shut up, you idiot". He was three.

But the child had the right to make a noise, the man had the right to be annoyed by it, but he didn't have the right to expect the child to stop because of his annoyance.

JeremyVile · 16/04/2008 10:19

But it's about perception.
As I've said, I may well have been snappy with the man if this was me, because it would just seem such an odd, pointless thing for him to get worked up about I would think he was just a grumpy old sod who got his kicks by going around shushing children.
(Although now I've seen this thread and know that some people genuinely find blowing raspberries rude I would not be so taken aback.)
I think that's probably what this mother thought - that he was being completely wierd about it and why she responded as she did.
Substitute the raspberries for something you dont find unacceptable - say, a baby gurgling away in its pram - and some man on the bus complains to you about the noise, would you try to quieten the baby? even though it's never entered your mind that the noise is objectionable or would you get annoyed that the man was being such a nob about it?

kittywise · 16/04/2008 10:19

Colditz you and I must agree to differ

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 10:19

If you cannot tolerate the noise other people make, travel alone. If this is not an option, learn tolerance.

Any other way leads to stomach ulcers.

edam · 16/04/2008 10:19

Anyway, the real issue is the mother's response, which was ill-mannered and setting a bad example.

JeremyVile · 16/04/2008 10:20

"Shut up, you idiot"
Oh my gosh

kittywise · 16/04/2008 10:21

JV, it depends on whether it is something that can be controlled. A gurgling baby can't be a raspberry blowing child can be.

IMO there is generally very little consideration of others.

nkf · 16/04/2008 10:22

Odd that people think there was a time of less strictness as regards children where they ran free, doing their childlike things. I'd day that as a society we are much less authoritarian than previously.

JeremyVile · 16/04/2008 10:23

Yes but Kitty, ahve you been on public transport with a gurgling baby?
I have and lost count of the amount of (always) old peole who rolled their eyes or tutted about it.
Folks are strange - and to me, this man sounds strange too.

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 10:23

yes Edam, the mother was stupid. It is easier to have a quiet word with the child explaining how some people neither have nor understand children, and also how some people don't like noise, and how some people are just plain nasty.

I explained to ds1 after the "Shut up, you idiot" incident that some people didn't have good mummies who taught them good manners, and we should feel sad for them.

I explained it quite clearly, slowly and loudly.

bluenosesaint · 16/04/2008 10:26

OK Kittywise - just to be facetious ...

would you have told the old guy to keep his voice down whilst he was moaning away about his bunions on the seat opposite to you?

I'm sure he 'could' be controlled enough to keep the noise down ...

SueBaroo · 16/04/2008 10:29

I've asked adults if they would mind stopping what they're doing before now, if they are being inconsiderate, yes. Why wouldn't I?

FYIAD · 16/04/2008 10:31

god I would never bother telling a kid off for blowing a raspberry

annoying yes but thats what ipods are for