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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect parents to discourage their rude offspring?

116 replies

EffiePerine · 15/04/2008 18:44

Bus today: middle-class other and child (approx 6 or 7). Child blowing raspberries loudly and brave man (this is a London bus after all) asks him to stop.

So what does the mother do? Look embarrassed and hush the kid? Of course not, she tells the man off for daring to criticise her child and then says...

'Don't take any notice of him, he probably has problems'

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 15/04/2008 21:05

totally agree with your OP though effie

Original poster
EffiePerine · 15/04/2008 21:06
OP posts:
soopermum1 · 15/04/2008 21:07

raspberry blowing is hardly one of the 7 deadly sins. mum should've just asked son to stop doing it for rest of the bus duration. problem solve,d no aggro, is probably not affecting boy's human rights to make him refrain from raspberry blowing for a short period of time.

DS picked up the lovely phrase 'mr poo poo' at nursery. i personally don't think it's a big deal and ddin't address it unless her actualy called someone mr poo poo. but nursery said other parents had been complaining their kids had come home saying it. dunno who started it all, but doesn't really matter. i now tell him not to say it at home. don't particularly agree, but if it keeps the peace, it's hardly a big deal to him or me.

lucyellensmum · 15/04/2008 21:08

Is that good or bad effie ?

nkf · 15/04/2008 21:09

It's not about whether it was raspberies. It's about whether it's okay for a child or anyone to fill a public space with his or her chosen noise. It applies equally to music or loud conversations. A distressed baby is one thing and people who fuss over that are real pains. But a six year old can be told not to make a loud annoying noise and his mother should have done so.

glucose · 15/04/2008 21:09

I wish he would appear and say something to DH when he drops a silent but deadly one in shops

Greyriverside · 15/04/2008 21:16

The thin end of the wedge. First raspberries then crack cocaine and mugging old ladies. You have to step on any kind of free expression before it spreads.

Personally I think something should be done about babies that smile and blow bubbles at you when they're happy. It can only lead to trouble later.

FairyMum · 15/04/2008 21:18

Yes I think you are right Greyriverside. Its the first sign of a complete breakdown of society. Britain is going to the dogs!

Oblomov · 15/04/2008 21:25

Blowing raspberries is bad ?
God, I love them. Oh dear.

girlfrommars · 15/04/2008 21:30

Try sitting on a train across from a child (3/4 year old boy) playing 'bogeys' with a 10 year old girl for half an hour whilst their mothers chat.

Or the child who played super mario on his gameboy with the volume on full for four hours (a few years ago) on a train. His mother sat and read. He was stuck on level 1 the whole time. I almost snatched it off him to get him to level 2 just for a change of tune.

Original poster
EffiePerine · 15/04/2008 21:32

I have a List you know

If you would encourage your child to blow raspberries on a rush hour bus you're going ON

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 15/04/2008 21:43

Underaged travel, unfortunately, is one of the bugbears of modern life. Really I think we need to introduce an exam system, wherein only those children deemed docile and compliant enough to sit in silence, smiling faintly and blinking occasionally will be allowed to use the public transport system. Sadly, this excludes children with a fully functioning nervous system, and is therefore unacceptably discriminatory.

Really, the most acceptable course of action would have been to implement a leaflet campaign - "Non speech noises or a higher or louder tone than a controlled mutter? No thanks, we're British!"

Really, and I know I'll get flamed for this, we should send them back where they came from but unfortunately they've become so large on Taxpayer's Money that they won't fit.

girlfrommars · 15/04/2008 21:50
Grin
hascas · 15/04/2008 22:02

I'm wondering which you find more offensive effie - the fact that the mother had a go at the man or the fact that she is (allegedly) "middle class"???

Original poster
EffiePerine · 15/04/2008 22:09

I apologise for lazy characterisation there. I shouldl have said 'woman with annoying voice and strange skirt'.

Blimey, if I got het up about middle-class mums I would have a nervous twitch (and a split personality)

OP posts:
hascas · 15/04/2008 22:25
Hmm
bluenosesaint · 15/04/2008 22:44

Do people really get that het up about a 6 year old blowing raspberries??

Actually i would have been a bit miffed at someone telling my child to be quiet too if i'm honest.
I wouldn't have handled it the same because
a) i don't do confrontation
b) i don't think that being rude back is a good way to deal with things
...and c) i would have been too shocked that someone was offended by raspberries!!

I would have chastised my child if i'd thought they'd done something wrong, but i wouldn't back someone up on something that i don't believe my child should be told off for.

Swearing - yes
Screaming - yes
Raspberries - why ...?

kittywise · 16/04/2008 07:15

It's not a simple case of being 'raspberries' is it?

It's intrusive noise, as is talking too loudly, playing music, etc. etc. The mother was clearly incapable of respecting the other passengers on the bus.

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 08:45

There is loads and loads and loads of intrusive noise on buses. It's public transport, not "getting a massive and letting everyone else get in as long as they keep quiet" transport.

I find the constant blooping of mobile phones far more intrusive than the sound of a child playing. Yes, it was silly noises, yes the mother over reacted, but I think the man did too.

MrsMattie · 16/04/2008 08:47

Personally I think people are so unfriendly towards and intolerant of children these days. It's like some strange harking back to the Victorian ages, and I blame all this Supernanny nonsense - expecting children to behave like sensible mini adults all the bloody time.

edam · 16/04/2008 08:57

The issue isn't really blowing raspberries, is it, it's the mother being bloody rude and teaching her child to have bad manners.

Correct response would have been to say 'Sorry it's annoying you' and hush the child. Even if she thought the man was being OTT.

When you don't have children yourself, your tolerance levels for noisy children are way lower than those of parents (who have been battered into submission). ESPECIALLY on your way home from work when you are knackered. Public transport is not fun and people are often tired and stressed. When you are sharing enclosed public space, you have to adjust your behaviour.

luminarphrases · 16/04/2008 09:05

if a kid blowing raspberries is the worst thing i'd have to put up with on my bus, i think i'd die of happiness.

my bus home from work yesterday had to be stopped so the bus driver could tell the boys at the back to turn their music off (which was loud enough that the windows were shaking). one of the boys punched the bus driver. i may be called as a witness.

gegs73 · 16/04/2008 09:18

YABU blowing raspberries is annoying but so are lots of things about public transport. Smelly people, drunken people, people sitting too close to you and leaning on you etc etc you just put up with it or walk/drive. I do think the Mum over-reacted though and should have tried to stop her son if she had a complaint.

bluenosesaint · 16/04/2008 09:23

edam "Correct response would have been to say 'Sorry it's annoying you' and hush the child. Even if she thought the man was being OTT."

But why would i apologise if i didn't believe that my child hadn't done anything wrong? Blowing raspberries ffs - not screaming or swearing!

I agree that i would have probably have asked my child to hush but that would have been because i was a) embarrassed (my problem entirely, not my childs) and b) miffed at him telling my child to be quiet in the first place. Not because i thought my child had done something wrong. I would have probably have told my child that some people don't like to hear children making noises and left it at that. Certainly no apology!

Geez, it seems to me like kids aren't allowed to be kids anymore - or if they are, they're not allowed to be 'kids' in public when some grown up may have had a stressful day and needs some peace and quiet

SmugColditz · 16/04/2008 09:35

Your home is the only place where you have the right to expect peace and quiet after a hard day at work. Public places are a seething mass of conflicting 'rights' - the seven year old was well within his 'right' to be making a noise too.

People are annoying, but you can't just pick on the small ones. Old people are annoying too, but I don't walk up to them and say "Excuse me, this is public transport and I expect to travel in peace. Stop whining about your feet."

In a public place, if something is annoying you and is not illegal, there is a simple answer and it's an answer all teachers give several times a day - move away from him if he's annoying you.

You can't make someone shut up just because you don't like the noise they're making, not even if you're tired and have been at work, and they are seven and have had the life of Riley.