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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Walking into neighbours garden

83 replies

hippopandamouse · 10/08/2024 22:50

Random one I know haha!

We live in between 2 of my family members. Our cat had a litter of kittens and one of them is being rehomed by my auntie next door. Every single time they have friends over they are lining the fence with them and staring into our garden to show them the kittens, fine - kittens are great!

However last week they had a huge piss up and after I’d put my 3DC to bed I came down to round up the animals and noticed my dog was stood staring in through their garden gate. Refused to come in when called (very unusual for her) I then realised why as my auntie briskly walked back into my garden holding one of the kittens.

She was a little taken aback to see me stood in the doorway and said “Oh I was just borrowing one of your kittens to show everyone!” I let it go and locked up.

Today same situation but different friend selection! I just so happened to be walking into the kitchen at 9pm and see her marching down towards our gate. She only noticed noticed us as the kids were making a racket. She looks at me and says “Oh!…I was just going to borrow the black and white kitten as C is really taken by him”

I know they’re family but there is no way in a million years she’d tolerate someone walking into her garden and helping themselves to something even if the intention was to return it. Am I being unreasonable to think this is just rude? I wouldn’t dream of doing that to anyone. Not the end of the world I know it’s just niggling at me.

My dad is the other side of us and whenever he’s not in both of his siblings (other lives a mile from us) and their family use his garden as a footpath but will never do it when he’s home.

My aunties DC is getting married and when my dad isn’t in she goes into his garden and takes rose petals from his bushes to make confetti. I know as she’s told me but hasn’t asked my dad if this is okay!

They also use his driveway to park their cars but again only if he’s not there.

Maybe I’m just being silly but I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable 😣

OP posts:
JWhipple · 11/08/2024 08:17

You're unreasonable for leaving mum and kittens outside.
Mums likely to get pregnant again. Kittens could get harmed.
You're.unreasonable for allowing your unneutered cat outside.in the first place.

How long did it take you to realise one of the kittens was even missing?

Catza · 11/08/2024 08:19

It really depends on the family dynamic, isn't it. I grew up with everyone having keys to each other's houses and nobody would raise an eyebrow if a family member walked through someone's garden or, indeed, let themselves in and made a cup of tea. In fact, my cousin got married and the first thing his wife did was to change the locks. We understand and don't question but we are sad about it and my cousin feels left out as we no longer pop over when we do the "family rounds".

namechange128468 · 11/08/2024 08:22

Overtheatlantic · 10/08/2024 22:54

Could it be that your family are horrified that you allowed your cat to have kittens??🐱

Don’t be so absolutely ridiculous

twomanyfrogsinabox · 11/08/2024 08:27

If I found one of my kittens missing, I would be in full panic mode. Why would they think it was OK to take one without asking? Are the kittens still with their mum, she will not be happy either if her kittens are disappearing.

BreatheAndFocus · 11/08/2024 08:27

Lock your gate. You should do it for general security anyway. The middle of nowhere is a magnet for thieves.

VJBR · 11/08/2024 08:32

Some really snobby and rude replies on here.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 11/08/2024 08:37

EmpressaurusDeiGatti · 11/08/2024 07:28

I was going to ask about the kittens too, but RTFT & saw the answers to my questions.

Cat rescues, including the one I volunteer for, are all at full stretch at the moment, partly because of irresponsible idiots who can’t be arsed to spay their cats & then either dump them & their kittens or hand them over to rescues. I’ve heard some bloody awful stories.

The OP is clearly not an irresponsible idiot so that’s all fine.

If all the shelters are over run, why is it so difficult to adopt a cat or kitten? I have been a cat owner forever, but when the last one died at 20 I didn't immediately want to get another, now when I try it's ridiculously difficult. All they seem to want is donations not to actually home the cats. In the past I've had strays, other people's unwanted pets, older cats, semi-feral kittens, unwanted kittens from the vet's all grew into superb cats. Now you would think I was an axe murderer trying to adopt a cat.

KeirSpoutsTwaddle · 11/08/2024 08:38

I think you know the answer really, because you mentioned it. Start wandering into her garden regularly- oh, looking for tiddles, I can’t see him at ours and know you’ve been borrowing him so came to check. Several times a day. In her garden shouting, ’Ti-iddles!’.

And a lock on your gate because someone upset you the other day talking about cats being stolen and used as bait.

Justcallmebebes · 11/08/2024 08:51

BiscuityBoyle · 11/08/2024 00:09

So you live out in the back of beyond with your auntie as your neighbour and one other house? That other house must feel left out!

In this odd set of circumstances I can see why she would feel like your garden is more communal.

Her dad's in the other house

Justcallmebebes · 11/08/2024 08:55

JWhipple · 11/08/2024 08:17

You're unreasonable for leaving mum and kittens outside.
Mums likely to get pregnant again. Kittens could get harmed.
You're.unreasonable for allowing your unneutered cat outside.in the first place.

How long did it take you to realise one of the kittens was even missing?

Another one! The cat was pregnant when she got it and has now been spayed

I'm not sure why all these posters are asking why the cats are outside. Have any of you ever visited a farm? In a lot of cases in the countryside, cats live outside

CanYouHearThatNoise · 11/08/2024 08:56

Overtheatlantic · 10/08/2024 22:54

Could it be that your family are horrified that you allowed your cat to have kittens??🐱

My sentiments too

JMSA · 11/08/2024 09:03

JWhipple · 11/08/2024 08:17

You're unreasonable for leaving mum and kittens outside.
Mums likely to get pregnant again. Kittens could get harmed.
You're.unreasonable for allowing your unneutered cat outside.in the first place.

How long did it take you to realise one of the kittens was even missing?

Read the full fucking thread. Jesus.

Leavetheminthebowl · 11/08/2024 09:04

Lots of you can't read and are twats.

JMSA · 11/08/2024 09:05

OP, I love my family to bits, but they struggle with boundaries (especially my dad!). This housing set up would be ... just wow Grin

sunsetsandboardwalks · 11/08/2024 09:05

If it's true, I'm genuinely shocked that a vet would say it's a okay to leave unvaccinated, un-neutered kittens outside to roam unattended 😬

Cobblersorchard · 11/08/2024 09:08

Sharptonguedwoman · 11/08/2024 08:08

please see thread. Vet is fine with it.

I don’t believe that for a millisecond.

Roastiesarethebestbit · 11/08/2024 09:10

Well I would find it annoying if my neighbours did that. But you live in the middle of nowhere , next to your dad and your aunt, so this isn’t exactly a standard neighbourhood arrangement!

crumblingschools · 11/08/2024 09:11

I’d move!

sunsetsandboardwalks · 11/08/2024 09:11

Justcallmebebes · 11/08/2024 08:55

Another one! The cat was pregnant when she got it and has now been spayed

I'm not sure why all these posters are asking why the cats are outside. Have any of you ever visited a farm? In a lot of cases in the countryside, cats live outside

Yep - adult, neutered, vaccinated cats are fine to be out roaming, but tiny kittens who haven't had their second jabs yet are a whole other story.

Just because it's commonplace on farms, doesn't mean it's okay Hmm

Shinyandnew1 · 11/08/2024 09:12

Probably should have mentioned we live in the middle of nowhere, it’s literally our 3 houses.

I’m presuming if you have chosen to live in a rural setting right next to your aunt and your dad that you are all extremely close? If you’re close, you should be able to tell your aunt not to walk into your garden and take your kittens?

If not, then why on earth do you live in a set up like that?! If you’re unhappy, either speak to them or move!

Hairyfairy01 · 11/08/2024 09:12

You spayed your cat that is presumably still nursing her kittens (hence they are still with her)? You need to secure your garden so your aunt (or anybody else) can't just walk in and set some boundaries.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 11/08/2024 09:16

Honestlynotsure · 10/08/2024 23:25

This whole thread just screams 'tell me you live on a council estate without telling me you live on a council estate' 😄😄😄

What an awful snob.

ThinWomansBrain · 11/08/2024 09:17

So I've read through all the twatty replies by posters that can't be arsed to read the post properly let alone the full thread, but still no kitten photo.

Sharptonguedwoman · 11/08/2024 09:25

Cobblersorchard · 11/08/2024 09:08

I don’t believe that for a millisecond.

Well that’s what OP wrote🤷‍♀️. I’m not a vet. All of ours have been out after second vaccination and when I was sure they knew where home was. I was really careful with a young female till she could be spayed but otherwise all was good.

Zonder · 11/08/2024 09:36

Some of what your auntie does is just living next to family I think. Would your dad mind about the rose petals or using his drive when he is away? (although couldn't they just park on the road since there's nobody else living near?).

About the kittens - I would just say hey auntie, don't come get our kittens!