In-laws visiting too often - I have a 13 month old and a newborn

[SonK]

My in laws will call and announce they are coming in an hour at around 6pm /7pm once or twice a week and will stay until 9.

I don't mind if they ask a few days before and give notice once a week. That way I can make sure my partner and I have had dinner earlier and my 13 month old and newborn have had their bed time routine including baths.

However, they always announce they are coming at a time when I am busy prepping dinner for me and partner, getting babies ready for bed, and doing the evening clean and chores (washing bottles, sterilising etc.

Also, usually I offer dinner as they come at dinner time, however last time they came I didn't!

I did the prep but didn't lay out table or offer dinner because I was simply too tired and made a big batch to last the next day especially since it's not easy to cook from scratch everyday with two babies under two, when they eat with us there's nothing left for the next days lunch!

Am I being unreasonable to not offer dinner anymore (I still offer tea / coffee and homemade dessert ) and just wait for them to leave?

Also, they phone my partner and say they are coming in half an hour for a visit - they know we are home at this time - how do we avoid this.

When they personally ask me I just say no, we are not free however my husband feels the pressure as it's his family and they don't ask him permission to come - they just announce it!

If DH doesn't say no then he needs to feed, entertain and take responsibility for them. Tell him ahead of time and stick to it.

If grandparents are there at bed time (if they're fit and well) then they are on bath and story duties and I'm resting (or getting on with my very long do to list more likely). Why else would they pop over at bedtime?

'Help yourself to tea and coffee' is all you need to say.

Also their son should be dealing with them not you.

You can also say no when people tell you they want to visit. If you make them feel very welcome they will reasonably assume they're
Welcome.

If they're proper 'guests' then they wait to be invited or ask for a suitable time/date... and are treated like guests.

If they're family and want to turn up at any time, little to no notice, then they need to muck in with whatever is going on at the time they arrive, and be prepared for there to be no dinner as you didn't have sufficient notice to make enough.

So they turn up, you hand them a baby and tell them to get cracking on bath/bedtime etc...

You sit down to eat your own meal 'didn't know you were coming round until it was all prepped and in the oven, don't mind us...'

YOu point them at the kitchen and kettle, they know how to make themselves a brew.

You're not ignoring them or shutting them out, but if they don't want to be involved or are just coming round for a free meal and to get underfoot, it'll soon stop!

presumably your husband is not 13 if he has 2 small children already?!

This thread is from August…