H told me to shut my ugly mouth this morning

[greenpena]

Because I got annoyed that he was annoyed that I hadn't cleaned up the kitchen from last night's dinner, as he wanted to make breakfast and it wasn't clean.

I said he's not some sort of king. I am currently on a break from work, so I do have more time than him and I always clean up the next morning, as I'm very tired at night.

This morning I came down and had a coffee and didn't immediately clean up, as I was feeling tired and wanted to chill for a bit. He comes down after a lie in and starts cursing because the kitchen is a shit hole and apparently everything is a shit hole.

I told him it's not ok to talk like that and I'm sick of it. To which he told me to shut up and then commented on shutting my ugly mouth.

I'm beyond upset.

F

How he spoke to you is awful. But, I absolutely hate it when I come down in the morning and the kitchen is a tip, when it’s my DH turn to clean it ie I cooked. He has better start tidying up immediately otherwise strong words are had 🙈🙈…it depends on the background though, if he never does any tidying or if you cooked and he is expecting you to clear up as well that’s selfish.

I agree, in our house he does the cooking, I do the washing up. So if I still hadn't done it the next morning and was sitting around "chilling" because I was on a break from work, with it all sat there and my OH couldn't even make a coffee, I'd be embarrassed. He wouldn't talk to me like that, even if I'd left it like that. But I'd feel shit myself because I'm letting the team down.

We are all tired all the time (usually running on 5 hours sleep), we still do the things that need to be done to live in a civilised home.

Time to go back to work and split the house stuff.

I'm sorry you have to live with that OP, he sounds grim. I would really question whether he even likes you, let alone loves you, to be speaking like that.

He sounds horrible.

Are you happy?

Yes we have two kids under 5
@greenpena I'm very sorry that you're having to deal with this aggressive unpleasant man. This is why he does it or rather why he feels he can get away with it, in his mind you are trapped and he can do what he likes.
I would be having a serious think about the future.

@letsjustdothis agree…although I posted that without reading the whole thread and @greenpena has subsequently said he does nothing around the house…so I agree with other posters that in this case he’s also being a arse

If you lived alone you could leave the kitchen as you like.....

Dunno if I could put up with being spoken to like that tbh.

I agree OP, if it means that much to him he can clean it himself! No need for language like that over such a trivial thing.

That said, the posters saying to leave him over this are being way OTT - relationships / marriages are hard work and all parties are guilty of being prats sometimes. If everyone left their partners over something of this scale no-one would ever get to a significant anniversary!

It's never acceptable for him to speak to you like this, unless you said something equally disgusting to him directly beforehand. But assuming you didn't and your "crime" was that you hadn't tidied the kitchen then he is being an abusive arsehole and you need to seriously consider the future of the relationship.

I can confidently say neither me or DH have never said anything like that to each other even in a heated argument.

@Lacdulancelot it sounds like you've been lucky and had a very happy marriage, but please consider that no one deliberately chooses a disgusting pig for a husband/partner.
When you first meet them they are charming and polite because they know that they need to win you over.
When they sense that trust them and /or you are trapped- meaning that leaving the relationship will be more costly or disadvantageous to you than staying in it. When they feel that they have the upper hand and they can get away with it, that's when they start.

His attitude towards you is disgraceful. You’re not the hired help, you’re his WIFE and MOTHER of his children.

You're supposed to work together in a partnership, not where one person gets to throw their weight around and criticise.

Honestly, unless you can get him to see the error of his ways pretty sharpish, this relationship is doomed. Start planning your exit because staying together for the children will only fuck them up too.

Respectfully OP, it sounds like this is the least of your problems. A full-on argument about a dirty cup left on the kitchen side? Just... no!

Not at all. Any man who can switch to being an 'pig' ALWAYS had it in him.

I agree with the PP - I'm married 20 years (together 30) next year. Barely a cross word in all that time. He was an amazing man before I married him... and has been since. He certainly wouldn't start a fight over a cup!

I think the word "ugly" is hate filled. We've had some right angry rows over the years, but i don't think ugly would ever enter either of our heads to say. Its a different type of anger, targetted and personal. I'd be upset too.

You appear to have misunderstood my post.

It's a horrible way to speak to you but you do sound slovenly and if it's a constant state to live in, it's going to create tension.

I'm not condoning how he spoke to you and what he said but there is no way I could live in a mess like that.

Give over, it gets cleaned each morning.

He should not speak to you like that, no matter what the situation

A couple of plates ( his plates ) on the side and an un emptied dishwasher ? He's the one who goes to bed late and makes a mess / doesn't clean his shit up. Why should I come down early to clean up his shit after he's had a lie in ? I don't even eat with him at night. It's HIS stuff. Usually I clean it all up in the morning, but I was chilling, as he was sleeping.

Then as soon as the king decides he wants to come down and have breakfast- he's annoyed.

I'll tell you what he's really annoyed about.. that he even has to make the breakfast himself - rather than it already being ready and made for him, like he would like. He's always picking holes. He wants a slave.

The solution would be to clean it up then. Not say vile things to the only person who does any cleaning.

Jeeezus -does he think he's living in nineteen fifty feckin five?!!

I'd be telling him to clear up his own shit and to never speak to you like that again or you'll be off.

The absolute twunt.

Why, though? Why is cleaning the kitchen your job? Have you never asked him this, when he complains it’s a hole?