To Feel Uncomfortable Continuing This Friendship.

[Molone]

I have just discovered that a friends husband went to prison a few years ago for sexual offences he committed when he was a teen.
My friend is lovely, kind and a great Mum so it’s come as a surprise to me that she married and then went on to have children with someone who had been found guilty of this.

AIBU to step away from the friendship? I guess it’s kind of changed my opinion of her even though I know that she herself has done nothing wrong.

Or am I just being too judgy?

Depends a bit on what the offences actually were. How did you find out?

Through a mutual friend.

If you’re not comfortable then of course step away. Do you know what the offences were?

So many variables.

Who he was then doesn't necessarily indicate who he is now. As the saying goes, he's done his time, paid his dues.

Up to you...

He was found guilty of indecent assault, he was around 15 and the victim 11. They were historical offences.

Given you have no idea what 15 year old him went through I would suspend judgement and make your own in time based on what he’s like as an adult.

He committed the offence as a teen & only went to prison a few years ago? How old is he now? How long did he spend inside? What did he do? Sleeping with his 15yo girlfriend when he's 16 is a bit different to abusing a five yo for example. Is he on the sex offender register? How old are his kids? Did he have them before or after he went away? Far too little information given

Sorry, cross posted!

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I think that at 15 you're still a kid and we dont know how it happened: was there violence involved, were they "dating" (if he was immature)? He was an adolescent and is now a man, a father. I would keep the friend but not having my daughter over for sleepovers...

Sorry I will try to answer the questions but trying to not be too outing.
They were historical offences, so the victim reported the events to the police a few years after the crimes were committed. He was 15 she was 11 and his brother also went to prison for offences against the same girl.
He was given two years imprisonment and ten years on the register.

Well, I would be asking myself why I consider my friend to be “guilty by association” when she didn’t commit any crime. The second question I would be asking myself if I really believed in rehabilitation of offenders.
Ah, I would also be questioning if a “mutual friend” has correct information and if so, what gave them the right to disclose this confidential fact that they had no business to share. So they would be the first friend to be dropped, to be honest.
As a matter of fact I am a firm believer of rehabilitation and I don’t believe crimes of one person reflect badly on their friends and family.
Also a sexual offence could be as simple as going for a wee around a playground and being spotted by a youngster.
Having said that, you can end the friendship for whatever reason you want.

I would be very very careful believing something from an unofficial source. You don’t know how accurate what you’ve been told is.

That’s the question I guess I am posing, whether I can judge my friend on her husbands mistakes. I know it would be unreasonable of me to do that but a part of me questions her judgement on her decision to marry and have kids with this man.
Since I was told about this I have Googled his name and it was reported in the local paper so l know for certain that he did this and did indeed go to prison for it.

It has been reported in the local paper.

So what you are talking about is sibling childhood sexual abuse.
this is a massively under reported crime and the devastation on the victims isn’t any different from any other childhood sexual abuse

no I wouldn’t be comfortable staying friends with a person who knew that and chose to set up a life and have children.

Spot on, this hits the nail on the head!

I could not cut off a friend for something her husband did when he was 15.

It wasn’t one sibling abusing another, they both abused the same victim.

You are being unfairly judgemental of your friend ( and her husband IMO)

very honestly…I wouldn’t want myself or my children within a mile of him and would be cooling the friendship.

It might be harsh but I wouldn’t care what the mitigating factors were - my families safety is more important than being “nice” “kind” or “fair”

he is a paedophile.

This

Irrelevant what he went through. He abused a child enough to go to prison.

I would step away, personally.

How do you know this is true? If so, how bad was the offence? What's the source? Don't blindly believe what might be an untruth. In any event, I would not drop my friend (or even consider to dropping her).