To Feel Uncomfortable Continuing This Friendship.

[Molone]

I have just discovered that a friends husband went to prison a few years ago for sexual offences he committed when he was a teen.
My friend is lovely, kind and a great Mum so it’s come as a surprise to me that she married and then went on to have children with someone who had been found guilty of this.

AIBU to step away from the friendship? I guess it’s kind of changed my opinion of her even though I know that she herself has done nothing wrong.

Or am I just being too judgy?

It was reported in the local newspaper.

I would not have my children around him. And I would probably find it difficult to speak to him if I'm honest.
Your friend however, would entirely depend on if she knew before she had children with him. Was he still on the register when they got together?
Him and his brother went to prison for sexually abusing an 11 year old. Horrific for that poor woman to live with 😔

@Molone Apologies if I have missed this info but does your friend know about his conviction? As it was him and his brother who abused the same child that is seriously messed up & there is no way would I be putting my family anywhere near individuals like that. No friendship is more important than the safety of my family.

You haven’t talked about your relationship with him. If you don’t have one then there should be no issue. You continue your friendship with your friend and stay well away from him. Meet in neutral places keep it on your terms.

you can reconsider your friendship on the basis of her judgments but you shouldn’t based on his crimes. I think these are two different things.

It is exceptionally difficult to get a historical sexual offence to trial. Let alone getting a guilty verdict. the re must have been overwhelming evidence that the perpetrators were guilty.

personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable being around someone who had committed that crime. Even if they were a 15yo child at the time. And, after all, they are still on the sexual offenders register.

I’d be distancing myself from this friend. And making it clear that, while she is deserving of kindness and compassion, I am not the person to offer her that.

I would be very cautious too. Most 15 year olds aren’t normally attracted to 11 year old girls so it would not have been any kind of normal romantic relationship and it’s hard to know if his tastes and internal thinking has changed over time.

she married and then went on to have children with someone who had been found guilty of this

So he was reported for a historical sex offence. He went to prison for it. And after that your friend married him?

I would distance myself from the friend. She has piss poor judgement. She married and had children with a sex offender who was found guilty of the sexual abuse of a child. I wouldn't allow any child of mine to be anywhere near her. Her own kids should be taken off her. I hope she and her sex offender husband are being heavily monitored by social services.

How do you know the girl wasn’t their sister? The newspaper reports couldn’t have said whether she was or wasn’t. Nothing that enables people to identify the victim of a sex crime (or a child victim of any crime) can be reported.

When a news report says someone has been convicted of sexually abusing ‘a child’, in most cases that child will have been a child in their immediate family.

Because as far an I am aware he doesn’t have a sister.

If she's a good friend I would be honest with her and say someone has told you about her husband's conviction and that you're extremely disturbed. Give her the chance to tell you what she knows. Then you can make an informed decision whether to continue the friendship or not.

Yes they were together before he went to prison, then married and had children after his release. I was gobsmacked when I saw the article, they look like the perfect family.

@Molone Thats even worse they were together!!!

Honestly knowing this why did you come on here & ask the question??

She is not a good decision maker & I do not need that type of person around me and mine.

I most definitely wouldn’t have needed to ask this question on a public forum when the very first question I would be asking is whether this friend was aware or not!

I was thinking perhaps the friend wasn’t aware as you had left that piece of the jigsaw out.

Is this one of those stupid reverses you hear about on here??

Sorry but I would personally step away. Some crimes are unforgivable and people don't change that much!

You’ve already made up your mind - why are you second guessing?

Sounds like it was quite serious, if he was given a two year sentence.

As others have said, if at 16 he'd slept with a 15yo, I wouldn't think anything of it at all. But doesn't sound like that's the case. Personally, I would distance myself. Judgy though it probably is.

I would distance myself and let the friendship die naturally. Certainly wouldn’t want my children anywhere near them. He’s an offender who may or may not still pose a risk, and she is an apologist for an offender.

I wouldn’t be happy being friends with anyone with a history like this. I think being “judgy” about people sexually assaulting an 11 year old is absolutely fair enough.

I have to disagree with the “he was only 15” comments. DDs ex-bf was only 15 when he raped her, as well as being physically and mentally abusive and coercive. We are still awaiting to see if it’s going to go to CPS, and he hasn’t been punished as yet. I have found it utterly disheartening that because they were in a relationship and some things were consensual with the way it’s been handled.

By the by, given what he has done I would need to know what my friend was planning to do. Did she already know about it? Is she planning on staying with him? Does she need support to leave? Having said that, if she was staying with him and supporting him I would likely distance myself.

We make judgements in order to keep ourselves safe. Judgments aren’t always a bad thing!

She is a paedophile apologist. Absolutely I would walk away from the friendship and have done before.

Just wondering though are social services involved? Surely if he is on the register then them having kids is a huge risk?

This is shocking.
She is either a denier and / or enabler.

they are almost as dangerous due to their inability to see what’s in front of their face.

why would you even doubt yourself?

The fact she chose to have children with him KNOWING he is a paedophile and sex offender leaves me speechless. It’s one thing to pretend to yourself and do whatever with your own life… but to actively bring children in to the world with a convicted paedophile? It’s beggars belief…

your reply to mine is even worse.

he and his sibling ganged together to sexually abuse an 11 year old child.

im sorry but 15 is not an excuse.

The fact 2 siblings paired up to do this makes me even more sick tbh. It is absolutely vile. I could not be ok with this. I'd never feel right around the friend.

With respect, I don’t see it as any of OP’s business.

OP is not friends with this man. If you want to cast out your friend based on who she’s married to, that’s your call, but it seems odd and controlling.

But how could you possibly know if he had a sister?

I doubt she would be round there for Sunday lunch, and he wouldnt be talking about a sibling he had sexually abused would he.

The chances are quite high that is was their sister, but giving her anonymity means it would not be reported.

I would definitely distance myself from the friend as they had children AFTER he had gone to prison.

I could not bring myself to ever speak to her again. That's horrific.